How do I explain it? The Christmas invasion
Little Idiot (SD24.5) was fired from her bartending job. I don't know how. From everything I heard, the manager there was permanently checked out and didn't gaf what went on... yet somehow she managed to lose that job. I don't know what went down but my guess was her laziness and unreliability finally got to him.
On social media, LI has been running around with this woman (her new bff). I can't even say girl anymore. They are both adult women and this newest friend looks to be just as trashy as all her other friends have been. She's also 30.
I think this Christmas I'm going to put my foot down if LI tried to bring her new friend (ie wants her to stay with us and we pay for her plane ticket.) I don't know how to explain this to DH but I'm getting sick of the revolving door of people (who are now adults) invading every Christmas because LI can't have a normal visit with her dad without a buffer.
She's out clubbing with this woman who is older and frankly the quality of people LI hangs out with keeps going down. I can't imagine this woman would be interested in what's basically a extended sleep over (like they are 12)... but who knows with the friends LI has.
Am I being unreasonable? I really am trying to help maintain DH's ties to his daughter... but I just don't get a good vibe from her friends... they don't seem like the most quality people (and now that they are adults, it's kinda freaking me out).
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Dont pay the bff's fare
I'd say if LI wants to bring her friend and bff pays her own fare, I'd agree to it. But I'd say no to paying bff's fare.
Don't you just hate the holidays? I used to love it but the step drama has killed it for me. A shame.
I guess it's not so much the
I guess it's not so much the cost of the plane ticket (though that is getting annoying too) it's that I don't want a 30 year old woman/stranger in my house for over a week. These are no longer kids, they are adults.
And yes I absolutely hate Christmas because of the LI circus.
I doubt
I doubt if this person will pony up for a RT plane fare. That's your out.
On social media, LI has been
Lol at her trash bucket friends
That woman is probably her l3sbian lover if she's out here having "sleepovers" with this person
Ijs
I wouldn't pay money for some stranger to commute to blow my adult kids back out in my own home either
No. Y'all grown enough to have "sleepovers" then you grown enough to PAY for said "privilege" ..... at a hotel, Airbnb, or wherever
I'd start working on him now,
I'd start working on him now, appealing to his emotions.
"Y'know, I can't help but think how nice it would if LI came to visit by herself this year. It's been such a long time since you and she last got quality time together. I bet you would love to get to have a heart-to-heart with her and catch up with all her news, now that there isn't a boyfriend around to constantly be taking her off gallivanting when she's here..."
One stone, several birds ...
If she tries to bring the woman with her, put your foot down. You don't want strangers in your house,and you are certainly not going to pay for her.
I was wondering what she did to get fired too. It had to have been something illegal, either that or someone higher up in the food chain dropped in, saw how the place was going to the dogs and got rid of all the wastrel.
I'm shocked she got fired
I'm shocked she got fired because from what I gathered the manager was really laid back and lazy himself. It's possible someone higher up did some house cleaning... it's also possible some nefarious activity was going on... drug use, stealing... idk but I wouldn't put it past LI at this point. It's scary because she's now an adult and she will get craftier with her scheming.
What you gathered from who?
If LI was the one providing the information on the manger being checked out, obviously it has zero credibility. This sounds like something my waste of skin SIL would spout. She has lost countless jobs due to her being spe....cial and the bestest and smartest person at the company and always works for an idiot who fires her for something that isn't her fault.
Too bad the business did not have her arrested if there was some nefarious activity that she perpetrated. An arrest and facing a judge may just be the rock bottom she needs to pull her head out of her ass. Sadly, she is an adult now so when it happens, and it very likely will, it will follow her for the rest of her life.
Stop investing. It is a waste of whatever is invested.
Be good to and take care of you.
I would go with the theme..
I would go with the theme.. We are getting older.. not up to hosting overnight guests...money is tight.. we can help with some of the cost of your ticket honey.. but if your friend wants to come.. you will have to stay at a hotel and she will be paying her own costs.
I actually would highly discourage in as much as saying.. We are trying to keep our contacts lower during cold/covid and flu season.. so we would just have you over for the holidays.. if you are traveling with your friend.. I'm sure she can entertain herself at the hotel while you visit.
Why not just say the truth
Why not just say the truth. . We don't want to host a grown woman staying over. We are private people and it's too much for us. We don't want to do that
My thought is to go away for
My thought is to go away for Christmas with your husband on couples break. Perhaps a cruise or a cute one bed cabin somewhere picturesque or maybe a city break somewhere romantic?
Ugh...
Her husband would invite LI on the trip.
He totally would.
He totally would.
Yes the fear would be that LI
Yes the fear would be that LI would want to tag along
Just say NO
most likely if you are not bribing her. [ free plane tickets for her and bff. Gifts. ATM ]. She will not come over. I would insist on equal money being spent on me. As in a few weeks after Christmas. A flying vacation for you and DH. IF he can pay for LI " vacation with bff ". He can pay for your vacation. What will cost more.
Everything LI gets something you get equal or more. You are not putting your foot down.
So, because I can't sit with
So, because I can't sit with anything... my anxiety goes through the roof and I can't keep anything inside for any amount of time...
I told DH how I was feeling.
I told him that you know I've noticed pictures of LI partying with this other girl on social media lately and something's been bothering me. I told him that she's 24, going on 25 this year and she's no longer a "kid" and the friends she hangs out with are no longer kids either... they are fully grown women... and I just don't feel comfortable anymore hosting adult women-strangers in my home for the holidays.
He asked why I was ok with Goofy and I told him honestly I personally dont want ANYONE in my home (except LI of course) but I let it go because they were serious.. eventually we will have a son-in-law of some sort (probably) and so was just leaving that up to him BUT heck Id be happy as hell not to have an extra person in the house all together!
I think he sort of caught on to my insecurities because he probed a bit and I admitted that she looked like a 30 year old knock-off Kardashian and it made me feel uncomfortable. I don't know this woman, I don't want to feel uncomfortable during the holidays having her live with us.
Thankfully, thankfully he understood how I was feeling and said that 1. He wouldn't be paying for some grown woman's plane ticket and 2. He didn't think LI would ask to bring this woman or that she's even be interested (I'm not so sure...) but at least he didn't go all Disney Daddy on me and get scared that if he said no to LI, she would refuse to visit. At least he is on the same page so we can tell LI unfortunately it's not going to work for us, should she ask to bring a female friend over.
Perfect
You should have taped him so he couldn't "relapse". Lol.
Maybe I watch too many
Maybe I watch too many lifetime stalker movies and horror movies but I was picturing all these awful scenarios in my head where a strange younger woman comes in and tries to muscle the wife out. I know DH would never do anything but... idk it still makes me uneasy. I don't know this woman. She's not a friend or family... and her morals look a little bendy. Maybe I'm completely misjudging her but I just don't care to find out if I'm wrong or not.
Yes, the old "I never said
Yes, the old "I never said that." BS. As soon as LI reaches out and says she won't come if she can't bring a friend, he will cave.
You should have taped him so
and hide the tape recorder in your "rosebuds" while bending over seductively like Anna Nicole did
There is a huge difference
There is a huge difference between hosting a potential long term partner and hosting random friends. It's not unusual for significant others to attend holiday celebrations with their partners because it gives them a chance to get to know the family. Friends are different.. it's not like she is a teen that needs a companion on your summer trip so she doesn't get too booooorrrred.
I would have not paid for his ticket.. only the blood relation gets that treatment in my book.
You'd better
Get that in writing and notarized. 3 whole months is a long time. My bet is that he will do a 180 in month 3.
I would seriously think about going to visit your relatives alone for 99% of the visitation, error I mean "visit."
For now.
He is on the same page.... for now.
Odds are strong that this was just placating before he actually does it.
It's one thing to pay for
It's one thing to pay for your child to bring the spouse or long term SO. It's another to pay for the flavor of the month or 'a friend'. No extra ticket.
Gah
I feel your pain. Just when you think the little idiots, in my case the little diablas, can't make the holidays any worse they firgure out way to do it.
Last year YSDiabla25 got a last minute plane ticket to fly here ON CHRISTMAS DAY. (For sure BM's idea) So DH did an 3 hour total airport run on Christmas Day to pick her up while I slaved over a hot stove by myself to prepare a Christmas dinner for our family.
I would have just thrown the dinner out the window if it hadn't been for my own children being here. On Christmas Eve SDiabla let DH know that she would require a special diet. (She has a parasite that she picked up in a foreign country, probably because she wasn't careful with handwashing, scratched her butt and drank the water she was instructed not to drink.) Lol
Sadly and surprisingly, the dinner I had previously prepped & planned more or less happened to fit into her strict diet so I am sure she thought I made it just for her. (I did not.)
When she visited, or more like imposed herself on us, this summer for 3 weeks, she complained a lot that the meals I prepared did not fit her dietary requirements. Not my problem girl-woman. You are an adult and can handle your own meals.
I already told DH that he needs to give his Diablas a heads-up that they need to pick a day to travel that is NOT on the actual holiday. In true head in the sand fashion he said he already "forgot" that YSD arrived on x-mas day last year. Smh I told him I do not want another stressful holiday. The excuse given by SD last year is that tickets on the day of Christmas were the cheapest. Ya, you moron, because you bought the tickets a week before xmas. Plan ahead!
'I do not want another stressful holiday"
I don't want any more stressful holidays, either, but as long as SD,62 is in my life, I'll have them. It will all start mid-Nobember, ramp up the second week of December and end on December 26,.
The Employee's Market
Is officially over and I can't say I'm sad to see the back of it. Very bad luck that LI now has weeks free to come around and mooch off of you guys.
The audacity of her to expect
The audacity of her to expect y'all to host friends (not even an SO) during the holidays AND to pay for airfare. That's wild! Where is she even finding these people? Do they have no concept of how awkward and rude it is to impose themselves on a family they don't even know?
My bestie and I have been friends for 25 years. I stopped staying at her parents' house around the time we were 21 - if I went to their city to visit, I got a hotel. And were very close, her dad baptized my DD, I spoke at her mom's funeral, etc, I would have died before I asked them to pay airfare.
I came back to add that I am
I came back to add that I am not loving it that OSD is now bringing her friends around. I much preferred when she brought them to her BM instead but now that BM no longer lives in our state she considers this her home base to entertain her idiot friends who are *almost* as stupid as she is.
You know damned well that you
You know damned well that you are NOT being unreasonable. Though you are wasting your time and bliss trying to keep DH in touch with LI.
As to the why of LI losing this job, that is a waste of mental effort. The concept of the common denominator instantly explains it. She is LI. This is what she does.
Give it not another thought.
As for LI bringing anyone home for Christmas. Just no. Make that a hill to die on with DH. Marital resources will not be spent to buy tickets for yet another bottom dwelling "friend" of LI. LI, sure. Buy her a ticket and she can hermit out alone in her room since she will avoid you and DH like the plague since yet another POS friend of hers will NOT now nor every again be allowed in your home.
Have absolute confidence that LI's relationship with her father is not your responsibility. Stop torturing yourself over it. Daddys parental failure and self delusion is his to recognize and deal with. LI... is a lost cause.
Write her off and limit the waste of any marital resources on the LI 's life's toilet vortex of infinate disappointment and continued failure.
DHs relationship with LI will not change. LI has no interest in her father beyond any opportunity to take advantage of him. So, don't let that happen. Let her rot. She is long past the point of write off.
IMHO of course.
Take care of you.
Ah Rags,
Ah Rags,
.....life's toilet vortex of infinate disappointment and continued failure....
You have such a way with words!
What Rags said. It's not your
What Rags said.
It's not your job to try to connect LI with DH, improve their relationship, or whatever.
And what is this about needing a buffer? My SD always needed one, too.
Stand your ground. Just say no.
Luckily, my skids never want to spend any holidays with us; even if I would allow it, which I won't, mommy would never allow it!