DH attempted suicide last night
I am so heartbroken and sick to my stomach, but so thankful he wasn't successful. And the amount of rage and resentment I have towards skids and crazy right now is at a level I previously thought unattainable, because they are the majority of what caused this.
I woke up this morning and DH wasn't in bed, but he leaves for work early. I was reading emails and had one from DH- essentially saying goodbye and he loves me and skids. I was confused, because I thought he was at work? I tore downstairs and he had taken an entire bottle of anti-deppressants that SD15 had been prescribed last week, but we realized wouldn't work with other meds she takes, so they prescribed a different med. I was hysterical but by this time it had been 7hrs since he has taken them- he was ok but sick all day. His boss messaged me worried also- it isn't like him to not show up with no notice. I didn't tell him what happened, just that he was sick but also I'm worried- they are pretty close.
This year has been a dumpster fire for both of us, work has been stressful and overwhelming, and of course SD15 has been an absolute demon. Since my last blog, SD did 1 f'ng week of 4hr/day group therapy and then refused to go. Crazy tried to make skids stay with us for 3wks (again) and said she had "booked non-refundable flights", which shockingly was an absolute lie since we saw her car moving every day as she went about her business and even dropped something off for SD. You absolute psychopath. DH once again dropped SD off at her house after 1wk at our house on Crazy's assigned week and said nope, it's your week. Cue a slew of insane messages on OFW with Crazy trying to send SD back to our house on HER week. Denied. We already kept SD on July 4th which was Crazy's day just because we didn't want the fight.
SD has gone off the handle again and been totally disrespectful to DH, and talked crap about me to him. So I do nothing for her. I essentially ignore her. She thought she could just use my tennis racket after talking shit about me. I said no and told her why I said no- I said you have treated me poorly and said mean things. Do you think I should let you use my things and trust you with them? She actually said no and that she would buy a racket. Ok!
She is friends with our friends son, and the son told her that we said she called the cops on DH and accused us of abuse. SD was outraged and said that's "family business", and why would we say that, now people think she's "psycho". And that she deserved an apology from us. DH said, well, we talk to them because their son is also troubled and it's helpful to discuss it, and also....you did call the cops and say we abuse you, I have many texts of you saying that... she didn't like that, because it turns out she likes to say things that aren't true, but doesn't like consequences. Now, she says she doesn't need counseling, she is "fine", and is trying to turn down anything we find for her. But it's not optional. We have found a residential program in a different state that she has taken the evaluation for and we are just waiting for insurance to approve. DH has refused to take her driving or get her driving permit if she refuses therapy or continues to be disrespectful. And she wants her license.
Crazy sent a message saying he is "sick" for punishing SD by not taking SD driving or to get her permit. Now, does she take her driving or to get her permit? No. But heaven forbid DH punish a child! I honestly wish we didn't have to deal with SD right now and I know DH is over it but he also doesn't want to just give up on her.
Oh, and Crazy threatened to withdraw large amounts of $ from SS18's bank acct to pay for his cat, and also drop the cat off outside SS's work. So SS took her name off his acct, blocked Crazy on his phone and is staying at our house instead of by her. He said she used to take meds for bipolar disorder (what a surprise!) but stopped taking them and screamed at her Dr's and no longer sees them. He leaves for college on Aug 8th...Aug 8th!!!!!!!! (Literally the only good thing happening!) And he said he doesn't even know if he will see Crazy before he leaves.
I was planning on going to CO starting Sat until Aug 7th- I need a break from this skid drama, Crazy, a change in scenery, and even DH and I have been arguing a lot. But now with DH attempting suicide I don't know if I feel right leaving him. I'm just going to be worried. If it weren't for these kids I wouldn't think twice about staying here.
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I feel bad for you
No advice, TrueNorth, just much sympathy for your situation. Hoping for the best possible outcome. Stay strong, lady.
True, I know, trust me I know
True, I know, trust me I know. My H comes back tomorrow and hospitalization is an option. Or a necessity. His mental break also involves suicidal ideation. And while I am not rushing out the door at the moment, have things lined up to end it just in case. Can you at least start preparing to leave if that's what you want?
Ugh, I’m sorry!
It's so hard. As usual, it's hard to leave. Logistics wise, I can afford to, it's just always difficult. I don't want to, except to escape this skid BS. I do think about it sometimes. Like there's always something that could happen that could be too much. It's amazing that I'm not there right now.
I don't have much advice
I don't have much advice either. I think that he handled it well when he dropped SD back off at crazys when he realized that she really did not go on her non refundable vacation. What a ruse... As if you would not know.
But it also wouldn't surprise me if in the future she did actually book an airline ticket without anyone's consent so that she could have an excuse not to take care of SD and force the issue onto your household.
She's created the mess but wants you to deal with the repurcussions of it and deal with SDs behavior. While at the same time trying to make it seem as though she is SUCH a good parent and Dh is not.. Because she actually blames him for wanting to give her discipline of any kind.
Not realizing... Uhhhh how did we get here? What are we going to do to address these issues? She has no clue. It reminds me so much of our own bio mom who created monster children only to criticize my husband for wanting to apply rules for the kids
With the airline ticket...she
With the airline ticket...she didn't even tell skids where she was going. Just kept saying she had tickets booked, "non-refundable"...as if we cared. Everyone knew it was a lie, how is she not just mortified?? I thought the same thing about her possibly going somewhere in the future to avoid taking SD, although SS just told us her BF broke up with her last week (again), and she has no friends and is alienated from all of her family, so she doesn't have anyone to go with. lol.
What is ironic about her refusing to allow SD to go to this residential treatment is that she's only saying no because SD said she didn't want to. Crazy literally kicked her oldest child out of the house when she was SD's age because she couldn't handle her and sent her to live with her aunt. She lived with her for most of high school. Now, when we are trying to get SD HELP, she refuses. It is unreal. SD claims she will allow her to go as long as SD agrees to go, so we will see. It needs to be affordable, and we haven't heard from insurance yet.
What you are going through
What you are going through now is incredibly complicated and complex. I think the choice of getting away to CO is up to you.. You cannot help everyone although you can still provide support. If that is the route you go.. And no one would blame you if you decided this toxicity is not for you and you consider leaving altogether
I hope that Dh can find the help that he needs. As well as SD. I hope the out of state program is helpful.
Everything really has come to a head. All of them are dealing with traumatic issues beyond your scope of helping them at this point, unfortunately and I can't imagine how you must be feeling. They all require mental help. I have admiration for your strength in dealing with all of this mess through the years, none of which is your fault.
CO
After long talks with DH, I decided to go to CO. DH is incredibly embarrassed that he did this and said he feels like a weight is off his shoulders- it was like a wake-up call and he feels positive he will not do this again. He is going to talk to his Dr. to get on an anti-depressant. He knows that this week with SD will be a mess and doesn't want me here for it. He thinks I should get away. I do believe what he's saying, although I don't feel totally right about leaving. But I also need to take care of my own mental health and it's not in a great place right now with skid crap. Plus with SS staying with us FT and not holding up his end of things he was supposed to do pre-college, I'm having a very hard time keeping my mouth shut. It's best I'm not here or I will just end up saying something and causing even more issues.
Jesus. I'm so sorry. Please
Jesus. I'm so sorry. Please take care of yourself. This toxic situation is a quagmire that you didn't cause and you can't fix. You will be no good to your husband if you slip into hopelessness also.
Thank you!
I tend to agree, and luckily so does DH. He urged me to go to CO.
I am so sorry you'e dealing
I am so sorry you'e dealing with all of this. what a crapfest. Please remember to take care of you, you matter and you deserve to be away from this nonstop chaos
This is horrible.
I am so incredibly sorry. I have no words of advice but offering support and hugs. You are very strong and I don't know how you are continuing on with this situation.
We are all here for you. This SD truly sounds like a demon. I am so sorry.
Spawn of satan
She really is a demon. I hope it turns around but today is not that day, so off I go to get a break from it. I appreciate you guys so much! I'm just so thankful DH is ok and we are ok and I honestly can't believe this mess can get any worse, but also knock on wood.
Wow...that really is a lot to
Wow...that really is a lot to take on and process. I dont know anyone who wouldnt be struggling in your situation, Be there for DH,but dont forget to take care of you too, Thats why I would still try to do what you can to get away for a chance of pace even if its for a day or so to try to clear your mind. Even just to regroup and figure out what you need the next steps to be,,
TrueNorth, I'm so sorry.
TrueNorth, I'm so sorry. Hopefully, your DH will get some professional help. Please take care of yourself. Prayers and {{{{{HUGS}}}}}.
SD needs in patient hospital treatment
She must be out away for the rest of you to get out off the crazy train. You need normal to think . What's happing now is not working at all.. what did .. DH think ...of as what going to happen to DD ..if he offs himself. He has to keep it together. Stop listening to BM she as crazy as SD.
You can not let BM go on her dysfunctional ways. Then dump SD on you. Who cares if airfare is non refundable? You don't!.
What medication is SD on?
What medication is SD on? Does she have a diagnosis? If her mother is bipolar, then that should also be looked into. Something more than PAS is going on here and I've heard it can be a process getting the right combination/dosage.
Her mother is batsh*t crazy and she's inherited it. Come 18 he's going to have to drop the rope because she's not going to get better without wanting to herself.
In the meantime hopefully she can get into that out of state program. How long is it? How long will she be gone? Again I think there's a major mental disorder that's cropped up beyond depression.
I was wondering about this
I was wondering about this out of state program.. Assuming it's full time and residential and have programs... If this is the case that would be so helpful for her to have nonstop care. She really does need help. It's at a point where it just isn't manageable on your own as parents.
No Diagnosis
From what we've been told they try to not diagnose kids until they are older (I think 18) due to improper diagnosis? I can't remember the name of the meds she is now taking, the correct ones, but the one she was prescribed and did not take was Duloxetine. I 100% agree Bipolar disorder needs to be looked into for her. She was on meds before and the doses were not right.
The program we found can be anywhere from 4wks to 3months? It all depends on the progress she makes. But with her attitude, she refuses to contribute or want to get help so we wonder if it's even worth it. The last therapy she refused to partake. This one is not cheap- if she's going because she feels forced and doesn't contribute, is it worth it? We don't know what to do honestly.
I’m really hoping your DH is
I’m really hoping your DH is checking himself into some sort of clinic to help him deal with this. I’m not sure how you are holding it together but I hope you yourself are looking into some type of therapy.
He is not...DH is about as
He is not...DH is about as resistant to therapy as they come. He did agree to talk to his Dr. about anti-depressants. I made that a must.
I have been so open to therapy in the past but they always end up saying "It seems like you are doing really well and don't really need help". I swear, I get kicked out of therapy for not needing it. They just think I am wasting time because I am fine. It does end up feeling like a waste. Idk, I'll see how I feel once I come back from my 12-day skid break.
I'm sorry that the weight of
I'm sorry that the weight of all the issues has tipped so far off kilter. Its unfair.
((HUGS))
Im so sorry you are going through all this. Totally sucks. Keep us posted.
I am so sorry TrueNorth.
I am so sorry TrueNorth. Words fail me. ((hugs))
I am so sorry..
I am so sorry..
All I can say is please take care of yourself...
And that's advice for your DH. He can't help anyone if he isn't in a better place himself.
He needs to clearly understand that things would not improve if he were not here... and that adding more pain to everyone's lives isn't the answer. That he needs to get some help and therapy to work through his feelings.
I am so sorry (((HUGS)))) You
I am so sorry (((HUGS)))) You must have felt scared and horrified.
Oh Gosh....
I'm so sorry to read this. I have no advice, just sending you love through the airwaves. Please keep us posted. Big hugs.
Your DH NEEDS HELP
you must make sure he gets it and continue to go for help. Getting off the crazy train is a must.. Can't be driven back to the dark place. It's going to be a long road. Mental problems don't get fixed it two weeks. They think they are fixed but that a false feeling. Best of luck
Hoping there is some
Hoping there is some resolution for YOU ...
This is a lot on your plate
TrueNorth77, I truly do not
TrueNorth77, I truly do not know what to say never having been in your situation. If I were in your situation, I would be in pieces. As it is, I greatly admire your handling of a situation that must be absolutely overwhelming. Please talk to your therapist (if you have one, if not, you really, really need one). I also fear that the only reason you are holding it together is that you are in shock and your reflexes have taken over.
Sending much love and support. Be kind to yourself.
I am so sorry for you that DH
I am so sorry for you that DH attempted a permanent solution to at worst a temporary problem.
Hopefully his suicide attempt pulled his head out of his own ass regarding therapy.
Take care of you.