Wondering if it’s over…..
So the short version it seems that things haven't changed much after reading my older posts. It's still pretty much the same our kids are just older - to recap a he has 5 and I have 3. We still have 3 technically "at home" his twins are 12 and mine is 13. I have mine 50/50 he only sees his every other weekend. To start with he's always been a hypocrite- his kids do no wrong pretty much but every time mine do 1 little thing it's the end of the damn world. But he loves to gaslight me about that also - about a lot of things. Makes me feel like it's me being over dramatic about things. And he acts like a drill sargeant with his "rules" in our house - His drinking doesn't help - he's a complete A-hole to me - emotionally abusive. I've told him that several times. It's a total love bombing situation. Which is how he got me to fall in love with him so fast. Together 7yrs married 5. He was so attentive did so much for me - now 5yrs into marriage he puts the bare minimum in. But he still likes to "act" like he's the best husband and father ever. He's so self absorbed it seems like - it literally has to be about him or what he wants. He Runs his own business so it's always about that and I don't even know the last time he has worked a full 8hrs a day. And the paychecks, he sees one maybe once a month or once every orher month. And money - he spends money like we have it and we don't his credit sucks so pretty much everything we have is on my credit so when he misses payments because he doesn't have a paycheck and my moneys gone too bc I pay the majority of our regular bills then my credit is the one that gets ruined. So when I think about it, it feels like I have done more to make his life better than he has for me. He's mainly given me stress and anxiety so bad I'm in a depression, I'm on a couple medications for it. All in all idk what to do. I keep feeling like it's not "over" but on "paper" it is so definitely over - I'm just not ready for it to be and I don't know why.
Can you face spending the
Can you face spending the rest of your life like this? This guy barely works, spends money you don't have, drinks to excess, is abusive, bullies your kids, worships his own, lady, he is bleeding you dry from all points of view! What happens when you can't cover his debts any more? Run before you reach that point! Until you divorce, you will be co-liable for his debts...
What keeps you there? Maybe the fear of the unknown or of being alone? Or maybe you're just hanging on in the hope he'll suddenly see the light and do a U-turn? Well, I suppose pigs might fly too .. in some other universe.
You said it yourself, nothing has changed since you last posted, two years ago, why would it change in the future? Picture your life in five years time - how do you see it if you stay? And how do you picture it if you leave him now?
I suggest you make an appointment for counselling to help you find out why you stay and to give you the tools you need to decide what to do and how to cope.
If he isn't your equity life partner, and he isn't...
boot his ass and his spawn and find someone who is.
Take care of you.
it's never too late to
it's never too late to reroute your life path. do you see yourself in 5 years w/ him being the same as he is now, or even worse? do you think you and your kiddo can absorn his toxic attitude and still come out okay?
if your answers are no, maybe it's time to start making an exit plan. just becuse he's not treating you well doesn't mean you shouldn't treat yourself to a more peaceful, less toxic life.
Get yourself well inside
Work on YOU.
And then get to a lawyer.
Start Therapy
There is no reason your DH would change now. Sure you could threaten to leave and maybe he will change for a while, a few moths even. But it will go back to normal. It's totally normal to have hope. To think that this time will be different, it's human nature. But you also have to face the facts. And the fact is that he hasn't changed in years.
I started therapy and it has changed so much of me. I've done one year of solo and about 3 months of couples. Solo therapy changed my views of myself and underlying trauma from childhood. It gave me the courage to ask my SO to go to couples therapy. And couples therapy opened my eyes that I don't think my SO will change. I have started to detach, from both my SO and SK. I'm not mentally prepared to leave. But I don't think our relationship will last another year. Detaching has held my sanity together. As painful as it is I have a different outlook on the whole situation. And no longer feel the need to bleed myself dry for him or his kids. If any of this is resonating with you PLEASE start therapy. Someone who is well trained in trauma and PTSD. Invest in yourself. I know for me, and thank goodness this is anonymous, I never really truly valued or loved myself. So I never felt empowered to demand my worth. And I wouldn't shout on the rooftop that I love myself but I for damn sure know I deserve more than what I'm getting.
I wish you the best, truly. Message me if you need to. I'm more than happy to lend an ear
well-being and happiness
I'm really sorry to hear about the difficulties you're facing in your relationship. It sounds like you're dealing with a lot of challenges, including emotional abuse and financial stress. Remember, it's okay to prioritize your well-being and happiness.
If you feel like the relationship is unhealthy and causing you harm, it may be essential to seek support from a therapist or counselor who can help you navigate your feelings and guide you in making the best decisions for yourself. Your mental and emotional health should always be a top priority."
Please consider reaching out to a mental health professional or a support network to help you through this tough situation.