Suggestions for comebacks/ witty comments
Forums:
I have been mentally preparing for SD's visit that will commence in a couple days and I'm hoping you all might be able to help.
I am certain that SD will talk about BM at any opportunity. She wants to make a meal that BM said was restaurant quality, so I'm sure she will go on about how much BM loved it. Anything you can think of that I can say in such a moment?
BM must not get out much.
BM must not get out much. Distract her with techniques and ingredients. Then start talking about your favorite meals. Your favorite tv chef, cookbook author ,favorite pan to cook with , wine pairings, anything to but the BM talk behind her. Then volunteer DH to clean up.
Yes, throw some technical
Yes, throw some technical terms around - sautee and flambe etc A quick google search will do the trick...
And wine pairings is a great one!
This approach should expose
This approach should expose any grandiose tendencies with her cooking prowess.
Let her make the meal (less
Let her make the meal (less cooking for you) and talk about her mother as much as she wants
Just dont respond....completely ignore her when she talks about BM and only engage when she changes the subject. I also would invest in noise canceling earphones and when they talk to me, i would just say "what?sorry what?" Lol it frustrates the hell out of everyone in my house and I love it!
Daddy is helping SD in the
Daddy is helping SD in the kitchen while you indulge in a bubble bath, good book, and refreshing beverage, right?
I wouldn't want to be anywhere near the kitchen.
This this this!
Also it's easy to compare home cooked to "restaurant " quality when you've never eaten out at decent places. You could ask what restaurant the look feign interest by looking up the Yelp and reading out loud the negative ones lol
If SD tries to put your DH on
If SD tries to put your DH on Facetime with BM, state loudly "Why are you talking to BM? Did something bad happen?" There should be no reason for DH to want to talk to her since the grandkids will be at your house unless there is some emergency.
Any other facts or talk about BM, just say "Wow." Over and over. If you want to be polite you can change up the tone of the "wows."
A good huh and bless her
A good huh and bless her little heart is good too!
BM loved it
"Oh I thought BM just chewed her cud." (looking genuinely puzzled)
Just keep saying "how nice
Just keep saying "how nice for you" in an utterly bored tone.
Good ideas!
I'm sure SD will wait until we're sat down for dinner to turn the conversation to BM so that DH is there and giving her his attention. I'm sure SD will video call BM while she's with us, but if DH picks up the call it will not end well. A big "wth???" before I leave the room.
She might try to do the call
She might try to do the call then shove the phone in front of his face. If he doesn't politely decline to talk, call him out on it!
As soon as you know she's on
As soon as you know she's on the phone with BM, grab DH and say " we'll give you some privacy while you speak to your mom". Then grab DH's hand and lead him to the bedroom. Throw a wink in too if needed.
"Sorry BM, we're having
"Sorry BM, we're having family time "
He needs to learn to hang up.
Whole-heartedly agree!
This whole contact with BM thing is mostly him trying to play nice to keep access to sgks since SD lives with her. And with BM not being in a relationship for a bit, I think SD thinks there's a chance they could rekindle or something, hence her doing anything and everything to force them to be in contact. I am trying to figure out something I can say tactfully to her to let her know I'm on to her game...but I haven't figured out a not mean sounding way yet...
In your best southern drawl,
In your best southern drawl, " Why SD, if I didn't know better I'd think you were trying break up your daddy's marriage! ". Laugh, " bless your little old heart". Then hold eye contact just a bit too long. Men don't pick up on these games but females sure do.
Yes!!!
And I'm a Southern girl, anyway, so I could pull this off!!! Going to the top of my list!
It will be interesting since SD's loser slacker H is currently a jailbreak, so I'm sure the subject of marriage will come up! DH is not a fan of slacker!
If you do this one I , I mean
If you do this one I , I mean WE , need to hear all about it. Don't leave us hanging!! Lol.
"What restaurant? Restaurant
"What restaurant? Restaurant quality can be anything from 5*to nasty."
"Keep in mind that BM is ancient history for your dad and irrelevant to me. Try sharing what you are doing."
"Has BM gotten that goiter removed from her neck?"
"Why don't you step outside to talk to your mom so you can have some privacy and do not disturb your dad and I?" - DO NOT STEP OUT YOURSELVES!!!!
Script, and adjust the responses to the most probable SD crap.
I've thought about the restaurant
Quality statement and if she tries that one again I'm going to remind her that her Podunk town doesn't offer more than fast food, so that's not saying much!
Make him understand that he
Make him understand that he doesn't have to respond to his ex. Seriously.
Make him understand that he
Make him understand that he doesn't have to respond to his ex. Seriously.
Trying!
But failing.... he seems to think he has to be nice in order to see SD and Sgks since they live with BM and we don't have another place suitable to visit. It's a sh!tshow. But it has improved over time....hopefully it keeps improving.
Cooking isn’t the big thing
Isn't cleaning up after. You don't need every pot ,pan, plate dirty
Absolutely! And I suspect that is
exactly what SD will do. And I have planned to point out to her where the dishwashing supplies are, so that she can clean up after herself.
And like every good
And like every good restaurant chef, I'm sure you'll leave the kitchen spotless, won't you dear?
While she's busy in the kitchen, make sure your dh takes care of his gks... single-handed.
This!!!
Yes, ma'am! I will definitely be engaging only as much as I choose to...and when I'm done, I walk away to go do something else! I've worked hard all day getting the house and guest room ready, so I'm not up for much this afternoon!
Better and better.
Absolutely brilliant Winterglow. She wants to ply the "restaurant quality" fantasy on her cooking, this is the perfect witty retort.
I would ask to go to the
I would ask to go to the restaurant first so you have something to compare to.
I have an opposite issue. BM only eats out, she thinks cooking is for poor people. SD may not like me but she has often complimented my cooking because I am a good cook. I know she's gone back and told BM about it because for the next visit BM kept insisting to DH that he "needs to take SD to a restaurant." Um no I can make perfectly delicious food at home. DH and I are both excellent cooks.
Why bother?
A simple eye roll followed by a quick exit would take care of it.
Use your brain for more important things.