Just Do It!

Take away any benefit they get from the arguing, etc....

They don't complete the chores on time and to standard they don't sleep or eat until they are done and... more are added.  No cellphones, etc... until done. The argument is to get out of the chores.  Add more.

As for the lippy shit, bury them in their ignorance by going encyclopedic on them when they are convinced they know it all.  Shift to a topic they know nothing about them bare their asses on their ignorance.  When they are beet red and angry beyond measure point out how unpleasant they are feeling and how it would feel much nicer to discuss rather than argue.

Lather

Continued arguing results in an escalating state of abject misery for the toxic spawn.  If mommy doesn't like how you parent and discipline then she can get it done before you have to.  She can also do any chores she fails, rinse, repeat. to hold them to completing.

Keep it simple.

They crossed a boundary with my then toddlers and i told them no and they answered back saying they would do it anyways. My answer was a long drawn out condescending NOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo!! 
 

hubby heard that and instantly told his daughters no means no, i said no and thats the end of it.

after 3 outings with sd's dealing with this bullshit and them thinking they were superior to me and had ultimate say and authority in the parenting of our 2 kids, i refused any meets.
 

Hubby was made well aware that if he wanted me to attend family weddings etc, i and our toddlers would not attend if sd's were coming along. Eldest sd drove and then teenage sd lived with her but daddy was expected to chauffeur them and it added several extra hours to our trip with carsick and cranky toddlers and me having to deal with their bullshit and they were never ever on time and always last minute cancellations.
 

I also saw repeated times that eldest sd would undo my daughter's her which was nicely styled into a messy do or she would undress my daughter into clothes she had bought that she just had to be in when my daughter was already in nice clothes. People you've only met 2 times don't get to strip your kid naked and dress them up..

i have not had any contact with sd's in 3.5 yrs

They crossed a boundary with my then toddlers and i told them no and they answered back saying they would do it anyways. My answer was a long drawn out condescending NOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo!! 
 

hubby heard that and instantly told his daughters no means no, i said no and thats the end of it.

after 3 outings with sd's dealing with this bullshit and them thinking they were superior to me and had ultimate say and authority in the parenting of our 2 kids, i refused any meets.
 

Hubby was made well aware that if he wanted me to attend family weddings etc, i and our toddlers would not attend if sd's were coming along. Eldest sd drove and then teenage sd lived with her but daddy was expected to chauffeur them and it added several extra hours to our trip with carsick and cranky toddlers and me having to deal with their bullshit and they were never ever on time and always last minute cancellations.
 

I also saw repeated times that eldest sd would undo my daughter's her which was nicely styled into a messy do or she would undress my daughter into clothes she had bought that she just had to be in when my daughter was already in nice clothes. People you've only met 2 times don't get to strip your kid naked and dress them up..

i have not had any contact with sd's in 3.5 yrs when their behaviour never changed and then guilted my husband for marrying me and having 2 kids with me but hypocritically playing sisters of the yr when inlaws are around because it gets them brownie points

They crossed a boundary with my then toddlers and i told them no and they answered back saying they would do it anyways. My answer was a long drawn out condescending NOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo!! 
 

hubby heard that and instantly told his daughters no means no, i said no and thats the end of it.

after 3 outings with sd's dealing with this bullshit and them thinking they were superior to me and had ultimate say and authority in the parenting of our 2 kids, i refused any meets.
 

Hubby was made well aware that if he wanted me to attend family weddings etc, i and our toddlers would not attend if sd's were coming along. Eldest sd drove and then teenage sd lived with her but daddy was expected to chauffeur them and it added several extra hours to our trip with carsick and cranky toddlers and me having to deal with their bullshit and they were never ever on time and always last minute cancellations.
 

I also saw repeated times that eldest sd would undo my daughter's her which was nicely styled into a messy do or she would undress my daughter into clothes she had bought that she just had to be in when my daughter was already in nice clothes. People you've only met 2 times don't get to strip your kid naked and dress them up..

i have not had any contact with sd's in 3.5 yrs when their behaviour never changed and then guilted my husband for marrying me and having 2 kids with me but hypocritically playing sisters of the yr when inlaws are around because it gets them brownie points

They don't do their chores? They're rude/disrespectful? Let your wife know. Just state the fact, let the message drop then walk away. Every time. No tone, no attitude, no commentary, just the facts. It's hard for the enabling parent to argue with statements of fact. Eventually that drip drip drip of feedback will make it crystal clear to your wife that skids are lazy/rude/disrespectful or whatever and she needs to do something, if only to not hear you repeating the same facts for the tenth time. By doing this and disengaging at the same time, you eventually transfer the burden/frustration onto the adult ultimately responsible for raising the little brutes. 

Just don't do anything. Don't pick up after them. Don't shuttle them around. Let your wife do it all and if you want to go with her then do that. You get to decide how much you want to deal with them. I had to have a pow wow a few weeks ago...making messes and leaving dishes when we're at work and I'm not doing them anymore. If his kids are here he does the dishes or picks up after then because I'm not touching it. 

Sorry this thread is a bit old now, but just now seeing it.

I agree that disengaging is the right approach, I am doing that right now with my wife and her three (3) rude-ass, disrepectful sorry-ass excuses for kids.

But here is my problem.  I'd love to be able to allow dishes to pile up to the ceiling and step or trip over their shit in the middle of every floor space in our home, but I am OCD by nature (got it from my mother's side) and simply can only go so long before it's pissing me off so badly that I just do shit myself to appease me.  I aint doing it for them at all......even though it gets done because I mentally cannot stand to see our home turn into a what looks like a homeless village.  Hell, homeless people are cleaner than our home is sometimes!

Example:  after Christmas unwrapping was completed, I asked my daughter to clean up her mess and take stuff to her room.  She did it without arguement, because that's how I am raising her.  My son as well.  Her kids either bitched about having to do it or didn't clean up at all.  The wife cleaned up her 17YO's pile and took it to his room.  Her 12YO daughter eventually cleaned hers up.....mostly.  There is still a few things laying in the floor space in the front room even today.  Her 21YO daughter's shit was still scattered all over the place right where she opened it until I picked it up yesterday because I was having to constantly walk around it in efforts not to trip over it all.

Shoes are thrown everywhere all the time.  Dirty clothes are scattered in all places OTHER than the laundry room on all floors of the house.  I clean the kitchen non-stop (2 adults and 5 kids make a lot of mess constantly).

There is absolutely NO WAY I myself personally can just leave it all because they won't do the work.  They'll never do the work.

Ok....start the bashing.....I'm ready for it.