No graduation for me
After days of trying to get clarification, DH finally learned from BM that the graduation reminder card SS11 gave DH is the physical ticket and you can't get in without one. He gave his other three to BM and her parents. DH asked her and she said, no, she's not aware of him having any problems with me. He hasn't said anything. It's basically like I thought: he's closer to his grandparents and wants them both there.
I've been pretty detached and "whatever" about all of it. I hate graduations so it's not like I feel deprived. I'll just work instead.
But for some reason, I actually feel kind of hurt. I don't know why. The ceremony will be some combination of boring and cringey, I'm sure. And I fully believe it's SS's event, he's very close to BM's parents, not all that close to me, so it makes sense.
Maybe it's because DH is basically going on his own and it's another example of him and his side treated like an afterthought. Maybe it's because a part of me wanted to be involved in the milestone or at least be there with DH.
It's not logical and I'll just let it go. But I can't help but think this is going to color my feelings about SS even more. That's probably not right. He's a kid. I'm an adult. We're not close. I had assured DH (who was very pissed about it) I was fine so I hesitate to tell him how I'm feeling.
Anyway, I just needed to ramble.
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Comments
I wish I didn't have to go to
I wish I didn't have to go to my SD's high school graduation. I'm only going to be supportive of my DH but I already know it's going to happen. the family will want to have a bunch of pictures taken with her and won't include me. SD will barely acknowledge me and DH will act aloof because God forbid he's ever truly affectionate in front of his family and her. And this will be my first time actually spending time with his ex. I swear if the ceremony wasn't being held in a church I would bring a flask in my purse!
I don't even really want to
I don't even really want to go! I have no clue why I feel bad about it. Maybe it's being rejected and left out?
Trust me you will get the
Trust me you will get the cliffs notes version and will thank your lucky stars you didn’t have to sit through that. I have had to sit through countless graduations at all levels and they are all the same. Hot, over crowded, looooooooooong, boring, and once your kid or the kid you are there to see walks you still have to sit through all the other kids. I wish they would go back to the Covid version of stuff, all online and only the student and parents get to be there….so much better!
I miss that about lockdown.
I miss that about lockdown. No question about whether or not I can/should/will go to things!
Thank your lucky stars you don't have to go
Mr TASM studies as a his hobby. I had to go lately to his upteenth post grad graduation. As advice.only2, says its hot, long and boring! And I love my DH. I spent most of the ceremony listening to a podcast with the earbud hidden by my hair. And did I mention I love my DH and support his successes and I still didn't want to be there.
Go do something fun for yourself if you are feeling left out.
DH has not been invited to
DH has not been invited to OSDs graduation, which is in just over two weeks away I think. And you know what? He's ok not going. It's a very non-intimate thing in our area. ALL of the high schools go through graduation in one day/weekend at the same place - think a small stadium, and it's just CHAOS. Once he realized this and I explained where it was as well, he's like, well then I don't feel bad at all. And that's progress.
I don't feel bad about not
I don't feel bad about not going, really. I never thought it sounded like something I actually wanted to do. And I'm sure DH will spend the hours before and after telling me he wished he could have stayed home.
Part of it is we had no clue about the hard "4 tickets" thing, so we were both all set for me to go for weeks, only to find out less than a week before that 1) there's a limit and 2) SS already invited his grandparents.
Part of it is general annoyance with SS. This is a situation where it really is all about him, and should be. But it's just another thing added to my "good grief, this kid is spoiled, entitled, etc." I'll get over it.
DH isn't as angry as he was but he's also getting more and more annoyed.
Particularly with the "stuff." SS is getting more and more addicted to getting new things (bought by BM and her parents). Even on weeks he's with us he's getting Amazon packages at her house. Once she dropped one by our house and DH said that doesn't happen again.
case in point: SS is playing Little League and has been in a hitting slump lately. DH and I think the problem is 1) he's started swinging at horrible pitches (his eye used to be better but he keeps swinging at pitches over his head). But, also, BM keeps buying him new bats. He tells her the one he has isn't quite right so she buys a new one. Then he convinced his coach to buy him some sort of compression thing to wear under his uniform. DH was livid and insisted on paying the coach back. SS didn't show the slightest bit of gratitude (not our week, so not much we can do about that yet).
It's ridiculous and is just getting worse -- and making SS less attractive.
I never wanted to go to even
I never wanted to go to even my own graduations. Take the out & have a spa day for yourself.
Eh I can relate.
I drew a hard line 3-4 years ago on attending events bio mom is at. She's invited to every get together my adult skids host. This started out as just the casual get togethers, to my DH being ok with me not attending even the milestone events. He still asks me but makes it very clear it's up to me. I guess what bothers me is the skids have made it clear, They just want their mom and dads presence and I'm just an accessory, despite attempts to build meaningful relationships with them it's been just meh.
On the bright side I've had so much less stress not going and now go if I'm feeling it and not when I'm not. I no longer dread the "family" events. I also feel totally comfortable not being in any "family" photos at these events. I'm just dad/grandpas wife and that suits me just fine. One way I got through the conflicted feelings was changing my view of my DHs family to how I feel/react to my friends children. These are just people I associate with because they are related to my partner. That's all.