Help me - what can I do
Where do I start.......
my stepdaughter (8) lives with us, she see her tummy mummy once a week
since having my daughter (3) I've been at home a lot!! SD and I use to get in well. She gets on great with her sister and they play nice together.
There's been a few issues where she's said things but we know it's her mum that's said it. But it's her emotional state abd her meltdowns, tantrums, outburst I find incredibly hard to deal with.
She never listens to me and when I ask her to do things there's always a carry on.
I would normally shout and lose it with her if I had asked her to do something more than once or if she's having a meltdown! Recently I've just walked away and said talk to me once you've calmed down or once you're ready.
she's been acting out so much recently, constant meltdowns about silly things like it's time to brush your hair!
I don't know how to handle her anymore! I've dealt With home schooling and everything that goes with it it's been me all the time doing everything for her.
i feel stressed all the time, i just don't know how to talk to her without it descending into a meltdown
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Comments
If my DH chose to criticize
If my DH chose to criticize my parenting or my handling of situations with his child rather than addressing SD's poor behavior, I would disengage and let him know that he could use HIS approach and do all of the parenting. I don't mind an occasional suggestion of something different to do, since none of us is perfect and there are different, equally legitimate ways of approaching a situation, but that doesn't sound like what you're dealing with. There is nothing more frustrating than being expected to have responsibility for a child but not to have authority, or not to be backed up.
Also, it's not healthy for you and the SD to be having a lot of "fights." It's not healthy for you to have to yell at her a lot. It might be best for you to step back from her care and let your husband take over. It's also not normal for an 8 year old to be having constant tantrums and meltdowns. I have an 8 year old SD and I can't remember the last time she had a tantrum. Perhaps SD could benefit from counseling. What's going on with her mother that she's living with you full time rather than being 50/50 with her parents?
Take a huge step back
”Tummy Mummy” is the girl’s only mummy. Take a step back- let your husband take care of her for now. The girl sounds like she is wanting attention from her parents. If the mom isn’t involved then the dad needs to step up. Your husband isn’t backing you up so she knows she can take out all her frustrations on you- nip that in the bud by disengaging. Family counseling would be a bad idea either.
I agree with stepping back
I agree with stepping back and putting the responsibility of being the heavy on SO.
I also suggest counseling for you and SO as well as for SD. She is obviously having difficultiy regulating her emotions for whatever reason.
DS used to have a lot of meltdowns at that age, it was very frustrating. Counseling helped immensely.
Like the others said, the
Like the others said, the best thing you can do is back off.
I refuse to be criticized by my spouse while picking up his parenting slack. If he doesn't like how you do it, he needs to. Disengagement will be your best friend. There are many levels- but start small.
She doesn't want to clean her room when you ask the first time- Fine. Let her father deal with it. "DH, SD didn't want to clean her room, just letting you know." - SD doesn't want what you cooked- Fine, not your problem, toss it, feed it to the dog, whatever- you aren't making more and you aren't fighting. Let him start taking on all the irritating stuff she does, just let it roll off your back and focus on raising your child to be better.