They make $200k combined and can't save $10k quickly? Really? They are not ready for home ownership. 

I am not overly surprised. My brother just bought a house and didn't have the full amount for his down payment. DH and I helped with a few thousand and my parents helped with a few thousand to help make up his gap. 

I think that it's not overly uncommon for parents to help with down payments. Not that they have to or should be expected to, but not uncommon for parents to help with something like this. 

I dunno - if he's never asked for money before, and was embarrassed to do so, seems they were just caught by surprise by real estate realities and need to adjust their price range.
Good that you told him no, but sounds like a young naive learning experience rather than entrenched entitlement (especially since he was asking for a loan, not a gift).

Also, if they make that much, they're probably just short on cash after the wedding but could pay the loan back very quickly. Again, not that you should have loaned it - but it's not unreasonable.

My parents gifted me money to use as a downpayment for my first (very modest 3 br one bath home).  My parents have done the same for my brother.  

It's not uncommon when families can afford it to help their kids with milestone things.. but it isn't an obligation.  

Honestly, it would have been better had they done some calculating and planning on their home purchase/wedding... and prioritized the home purchase over spending money elsewhere on the celebration.

But... his son did ask this as a loan.  If your husband can afford to loan it.. (of course also prepared to not have it paid back.. but hopefully it would be).. he could talk to his son about the purchase.. maybe he even could ask his son and daughter in law to sit down and have a financial session with him or a financial planner to discuss their financial obligations and decide whether the home they want is really in their budget.. or if they are overreaching.  If he is satisfied they are in otherwise decent shape to buy a home.. and he can afford to LEND the money.. with a reasonable repayment.. I would not have an issue... as long as this amount isn't cramping your own finances.

If this is a sum that you and your husband could afford to loan them if you wanted to and if you two feel inclined to consider it then I would question them about what type of repayment plan they had in mind. Are they thinking of paying this back within 6-12 months or would this be on a longer time scale? Would you be invested in a % of the property to be regained on the sale of the property or would it be a straight loan with monthly repayments. Will they pay interest? 

I think that sometimes loan officers and realtors do make suggestions that those struggling to find downpayments look to parents for financial assistnace. 

To me it is rude to ask for the financial help, especially when you were extreamly generous for their wedding recently and they are clearly earning plenty of money. But I could see that if your husband is keen to help and it is afordable to you both then it might be reasonable to loan them the money. Be aware though that what you provide for one child may become the expectation (either from the stepkids or your husband) that similar assistance will be provided for the other two.  

Help out with downpayments.  I don't know where they live but $200k a year in our area means barely getting by.  We've gifted all kids (bios & steps) an equal amount for first home down payments.  We are fortunate to be able to do so.  It sounds like your stepson asked for a loan not a gift---that doesn't sound like entitlement to me.  

I'd be curious to know how much of the downpayment $10K represented.  If it was a smaller portion, and was just the amount needed to avoid paying mortgage insurance or a higher rate for 30 years, and if he presented a fairly short repayment plan that was realistic based on their incomes, AND if they were not stretching to buy a home that was beyond their means, I might consider it if $10,000 wasn't a large amount of money to me.  I'd probably be surprised and disappointed that SS and his wife had prioritized a wedding party over a home downpayment, though.  (However, I think saying no is a fine decision as well, and perfectly reasonable)

If, on the other hand, $10,000 is the bulk of the downpayment, I'd probably decline to help out and let them wait until they are financially stable and able to buy a house on their own.  In other words, until they're actually ready for home ownership.

I don't think it's uncommon for parents to help out their kids with weddings and downpayments if they can afford to do so.  My parents helped with the downpayment on my house, but the amount was a rounding error on their financial statement, and it was offered rather than asked for.  I would never consider asking for downpayment money, even as a loan, if the amount was meaningful to my parents or in any way would affect their lifestyle or retirement.

We gave each of our 5 the same amount of $ during tbeir twenties.  Three of them used it as downpayment, the other 2 used it for other things.  Parity is my stepparent religion, lol.  Of the 3 who used it for down payments,, one of them used it to buy a duplex, then parlayed that into better homes.  The other 2 ultimately sold their homes and did other things. 

We could afford it and it felt right.  That your SS is offering to repay is even better.  I can understand your hesitation after generously paying for the wedding recently

Last October with ZERO downpayment.

If he was asking for a loan and makes 200k combined, then it was more than likely very short term. Right now, interest rates are at a super all-time low. Like super low. And rising also, very quickly. Here in California people are snapping up real estate because they know the interest rates wont hold. My guess is its a short term loan to take advantage of this.

It doesnt seem entitled to me, but it just really depends on how you feel.

I can't understand younger people these days feeling entitled to their parent's money. It seems to be becoming more and more common. My parent's are divorced and neither paid anything toward my wedding and I didn't expect it and I didn't ask. Your stepson and his wife should be grateful their wedding was paid for and leave it at that. How do they think it's ok even asking for a down payment, especially when they make a combined $200,000! They should be ashamed of themselves, especially your stepson.

And...I believe any time you "loan" money to a family member you have to go ahead and assume it will be a "gift" so as to prevent conflict if the loan is not paid back.

My parents gave me 10K for a downpayment. In fact, they've given all of us 10K here and there to spend down at their financial advisor's suggestion.

I think that if DH can afford it and he thinks the kid will pay it back, he should do it. If they kid won't pay it back, or has a history of being irresponsible with money, then no.

My parents never gave me anything for a down payment on a home, I wouldn't have dreamed of asking. I rented until I had enough saved up (in a higher expense city). Sure it took me until I was 31, but oh well (I also wasn't ready to buy until then either).  24 seems young and why can't they wait another couple of years - is there a NEED for a home at this point in his life?

Where are the bride's parents in all this?  Or BM1? Since you just paid for the wedding, why can't they help out with the down payment?

I think that's what bothers me the most in this - you just helped this couple out, and now they're back for more.

I'm also bothered by the fact that no payment plan was offered up front. Many of us know how it goes - when you buy a home, suddenly you need to buy all sorts of new stuff for it: furniture, drapes, decor, tools, etc. So if this couple hasn't managed to save even enough for a down payment, how quickly and how dedicated would they be to repaying you?

It's YOUR money, too. Personally, I would not be inclined to make such a loan at this time.

DH and you need to sit down and really discuss this. DH needs some perspective. It's fine to help, but you have to be realistic. There are two more skids with weddings in the future. You have already set the precedent of wedding money gifts. And as was pointed out in a post above, mortgage companies might hold the 'loan' against them and ask for a gift letter. Do you also want to set a help with down payment precedent?

DH needs to look at the big picture. He has two more children in the wings. Is his retirement fully funded? Would this mean that the two of you would put off something you have been saving for?

If SS sounded bashful/ awkward during the call, is there a possibility that new bride pushed him into the call? I'd be afraid that this was the first of the awkward calls. First house. Then new baby expenses.

Adding. I just read that in addition to the wedding, they have a new truck and snowmobile. With this information, I'd say they are living above their means. Now is the time to push back and say no. They need to learn to delay gratification.

This is a great example of why I don't like big weddings. Money could be used for lotta other stuff. *sorry2*

My parents helped me with my downpayment. However, in an above post you said you paid for the wedding and it would be you paying for the downpayment. To me, i hate to say it, but that does change things. Between your husband and his 2 BMs, there are 3 parents here, and what do they pay for? You have no children and i would be cautious about setting this precedent since this is kid one of three. Unless this sum of money right after paying for the wedding is truly not going to impact your life or retirement at all, and unless you truly want to do it, i would advise against it. To me, 10k is a whole lot to gift. If it will cause you resentment down the road, just say you can't afford it after paying for his wedding. Also, why is your husband too broke to pay for anything for his kids? 

I'd be leary. They make good money between the two of them and they don't have kids yet and are asking for a loan. 
 

SO and I make around the same combined (not now as SO took a pay cut COVID related) and with 3 teenage skids..I can say it adds up pretty quick. 
 

We don't live outside our means at all, we are not "broke" by any means and SO just paid off all his dedt. Now we just have regular everyday bills. 

Are they possibly rushing since they just got married, want the house to go along with it, babies soon..etc.? 

Nope

They seem a little too bold for their britches.

 YOU paid for the big wedding NOW they want this.

Nope.

All of our money is tired up. It's for retirement and holds a hefty penalty if we withdraw. .WE are willing to gift you 1,000.00 IF you want to put it towards your down payment. Or we can put that 1,000.00 towards a new appliance if you want. YOU pick.

They are mooching. Making 200k a year.........nope, just nope.

Ask many long term couples about their happiest times and many mention the lean years when first married. Don't take that away from them by giving them money.  Also, the more I read on this thread, the more dysfunction that comes to light.   Keep your money.  

^^^^THIS^^^^

Wow you are 100percent correct.