What would you do?

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What would you do if you DH was showing serious favoritism towards SK?

DH and I have a BD1 and he has a daughter from a previous relationship that is 4. He treats SD like she could do no wrong, never ever says no, and basically just thinks the sun shines out of her butt. BD1 isn't old enough to understand what is going on yet, but I know that when she gets older it will create huge issues. I don't want her to grow up hating her half sister or resenting her own dad.

I really just want to stop it before it ruins our family completely. Any advice would help!

This is also something I

This is also something I struggled with. I feared that DH would always favor stepcrap over any child I were to ever have with him. The fear was so much to the point I had decided I didn't want to have kids with him period, but then little did I know, my baby boy came along. My fears came true during my pregnancy and after he was born. I went batshit crazy on DH several times after watching how he neglected our NEWBORN to do shit for SD that a damn 8 year old should be able to do her fucking self. I will always resent him and his little parasite and am waiting for the opportunity to run if it gets worse.

Is all of that still going on

Is all of that still going on now? Did it get better after talking (or yelling)?

It hasn't been going on

It hasn't been going on lately because SD hasn't been over since the pandemic. Thank God.

But he does seem to have gotten the message. It just pisses me off that I've had to be the one nagging him to do what a good father and husband shouldve already known to do. Some men are just that STUPID.

That they are!

We got SD4 this week (without and discussion) after over a month of being pretty strictly quarantined. Also since that happened of course DH went back to work (even though "he missed her so so much") which meant I just had to be overjoyed about taking care of both kids all week. When he got home from work he was giving SD4 a bunch of treats and candy and sugar, then BD1 came over and wanted some because they obviously looked great. All he said was "we don't want you all sugared up". Which is true, but if she can't have any SD4 CANT EITHER! It made BD1 so upset. I was pissed!

Why is he accepting custody

Why is he accepting custody time if he isn't going to be there? Stop letting him do that to you!

Right?!

You would think that would be common sense. If your not going to be home more than 3 hours a day to see SD maybe wait till you will be home to have her over. He just expects me to be so happy to watch her every day, all day. She absolutely destroys the house (and not in a normal kid way, because I'm used to that) and refuses to even help clean up. Just today I was sweeping the living room and she decided to plug the sink drain and flood the f-ing sink. Water was EVERYWHERE! When I texted DH about it all he had to say was "well it didn't damage the floor did it". That's not the F-ing point!

Hell no. Refuse to watch his

Hell no. Refuse to watch his kid.

After this week there will be

After this week there will be no more unless he decides to start being a real parent and back me up. We are having a long talk tonight. We will see what happens, DH is always so sensitive talking about SD and his parenting.

My daughter is still a baby

My daughter is still a baby so she doesn't understand the differences yet. I am pretty sure that my husband will do a good job at keeping things at least appearing even. I know he probably spent a ton more money on SD12 when she was a baby because being demanded that she had designer clothes, it still makes these demands. we see her so rarely though that it is not that much of an issue. My daughter will probably think of SD more like a distant cousin.

make sure you also keep an eye out for how the in-laws treat your child together versus step kids. In-laws are probably worse at showing favoritism than the bio parent. SD is definitely the favorite of the in-laws and I'm pretty sure that in the future there's going to be quite a discrepancy between gifts I have already noticed this. Yes my daughter is a baby so she doesn't know or care yet about any differences and gift-giving however it's pretty easy to shop for a baby and some of my in-laws chose got to get the baby anything for Christmas. they of course got something for SD which is been sitting in our spare room since December because SD has refused to see us because we won't agree to take her on a trip.

Ohhh man..

That is a whole other story. DH's parents SUCK! They have basically said that I'm a terrible mother, that I don't take care of SD or BD well enough and basically baraded me for saying that I'm not SD's mother (because I'm not, and she has an active mother). They have said they want nothing to do with BD1, but they still act like SD4 is the queen. They even go over to DH ex's house and spend time with SD4 and all of ex's other kids that aren't even related to them at all. His parents have gotten all of her spawns birthday gifts, Christmas gifts, even just for no reason. They have only seen BD1 2 times, once in the hospital when she was a day old and once for 2 minutes when they stopped over to argue.

I'm pretty sure I have at

I'm pretty sure I have at least 60 pages worth of stories on how much they suck.

You and me both. I think the

You and me both. I think the relationships with the in-laws and step kids are so much more damaging than the day today inequalities with our partners. When the in-laws show favoritism it's much bigger and more obvious. With our spouses we can at least talk with them and monitor the situation and try to correct any inequality, the in-laws are going to do their own thing no matter what.

True, but in my case she

True, but in my case she doesn't even know DH's parents so it's not really an issue. They will just be people she doesn't know. I'm kinda glad they made their choice before she got to know them because now they won't be people that abandoned her they will just be toxic people that have and will never be in her life.

If your DH is incapable of

If your DH is incapable of doing so, you set and enforce the standards of behavior for children raised in your home. This should help mimimize any crap from the Skid and set up the structure for how your own daughter will be raised. The beauty of these standards is that they also provide structure for holding DH accountable for consistent enforcement of the standards.

He needs to have clarity that the standards will be enforced whether he wants to do it or not. If he does not like how you parent and enforce the standards, he can step up and get it done before you have to as well as having clarity that all of this will be done to your exacting standards rather than ignored or minimized by his Skid worshiping parenting style.

Good luck.

I really have tried..

I have tried to enforce and discipline before and it ended in BM flipping her lid because SD went back and said I hit her. I would NEVER put my hands on a child by the way. She lied and said I hurt her and hit her. When in reality all I did was raise my voice and made her help clean.

Who cares what BM things or says?

Nanny Cams!! Then with the lying POS of a Skid pulls her prevaricating crap sit her down to view the footage with daddy. That way you and daddy can smack BM in the face with the video and tell her to STFU.

Grrrr

Nothing but consequences should be the life of this toxic spawn and the donor of the polluted womb that spawned her.

Although my hubby has daddy guilt

Skids are total disrespectful arseholes and hubby knows it. He works his arse off so we can live a comfortable life but they do not appreciate it or him. He’s just an atm.

my 2 kids with hubby adore him and even when i am overseas with our kids,

my daughter always asks to video call daddy which we do daily. Skids would go 5 months easily no contact unkess they needed to remind hubby of his duty for child support (yup sd24 with a fulltime job since over a yr ago still demands it, ss(almost 22 sends an atm reciept showing balance is near zero, can’t be bothered to message a basic “hey dad could you please top up?”)

hubby told me a few months back he knows his kids with ex wife despise me and my kids because they know hubby loves and appreciates us more. I tood hubby if people want to be such unpleasant disrespectful arseholes, well thats on them and they can’t expect people to adore and pine over them. Plus 2 skids are almost 22 & 24, another is 14, they can’t expect daddys affection to them to be the same as to a 3 or 4yr old, it’s unrealistic and unhealthy because they should be building their own lives and future, not expect daddy to be gushing over them..

when people are pleasant and appreciative to others, the feeling tends to be reciprocated and mutual... so i and my 2 kids being used as a scapegoat to despise because daddy chose to marry me and have 2 kids with me is total bs!!

in the end hubby loves spending time with us and we often do mini getaways together that are skid free because if they come along, its non stop rant on bio mum bullshit and they kill the vibe with their reclusive distant behaviour

Where you with your DH when

Where you with your DH when his kids were younger? If so did it at least get a little better now that they are grown?

This was totally my DH in the beginning of our relationship, well into the blessing in disguise of having to move cross country, far, FAR away from BM and skid.

It became so repulsive there for a bit, that I just left the house when skid (then 6) came over. I went to Yoga class, or the bookstore, or out to coffee with friends until she went to bed. All this when I was pregnant with our first. I would just leave and go do something else, leaving him there all alone to entertain skid.

I also stopped going out to certain restaurants with skid, because it was absolutely nuts that DH would allow a 6-year-old to order a $30 surf-n-turf entree just to pick at the rice.

and...

What ChzyBob20 said:

I would get revenge by disengaging from his prior spawn. I would not allow him to have the brat extra time.

My DuH doesn't treat StepCrap better than our bios or I would explode.