Still don’t trust SS
SS hasn't come over in 6 months since he was caught stealing from my house. He's 19 now and hasn't graduated high school. He was supposed to make up his credits over the summer to get his diploma but he hasn't. In addition to my last post he stole from my friends house.
Husband and I haven't argued about SS in 6 months and it's been nice. I came home on Wednesday after work to find SS in my house. Husband was home too. Apparently SS has a job in our neighborhood and wanted to stop by. Husband said he apologized to him. I have yet to hear an apology and explanation. So I told Husband I still don't trust him to be home alone here. Husband got mad at me and said I'm easy to forgive our bio son but not my SS. I told him he's easy to forgive SS and not our son. When my son was caught with weed last year we went through hell and back with him. He was pulled from baseball, we went through therapy and a whole lot more for 9 months. SS vapes but Husband refuses to believe it. He thinks everything our son does is worse than what SS does.
I finally said that it's unfair that I'm never allowed to act like his real mom but I'm expected to treat him like my biological son.
Am I being unreasonable?
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That would feel like such a
That would feel like such a sucker punch from your H, I'd imagine. Your serenity and home just got disrespected. Do try to not make sense of it so long that you silence your own valid feelings. SS should not have been allowed inside without dealing with you directly. His dad could have listened to SS half azzed apology and then sent him on his way, to come back another time and really show some effort towards maturity after you and H were on the same page. I'm sorry your peace of mind got sacrificed because your H was going with the boundry-less flow of the moment. Neither SS nor H are trustworthy.
Thank you. As soon as I
Thank you. As soon as I walked into the door the first thing SS did was say "I got a job making $20 an hour making drones close by". I get that he's trying to get my approval but he's not. First of all don't exaggerate about your job and brag about how much you make, if that's even true. I can never trust him to be honest. I'd much rather he try to impress me with "I worked hard all summer to get my High School Diploma" but that didn't happen.
That's the first thing I said
That's the first thing I said to Husband was a little heads up would have been nice. I've been telling Husband the last 6 months to reach out to SS and see him just don't invite him into my house until I get an apology. He hasn't. They have barely been texting each other. I hate that everyone makes me feel like a bitch for being hard on SS. It's my opinion that he's a fuck up and is never held accountable. I'm fine with making mistakes but to never learn from them. I've turned a cheek over and over for 18 years because I never have a say in what happens with him. Is it bad that I don't want him in my life?
No you're not in the wrong
You stipulated you expected an apology. You did not get one. SS needs to be held accountable and it's up to your DH to follow through. He is enabling SS's behaviour by ignoring the issue and it makes it worse by you being the "bad guy" for wanting what was promised and for someone who has hurt you to take responsibility.
Your DH is just as much to blame. I would be telling him that SS is not to enter your property and that he can see him elsewhere. They have both shown they don't care about how this affects you, so you need to put your needs first and look after yourself.
Wishing you the best
No, you're not being
No, you're not being unreasonable.
I can relate to this post. My SD17 was stealing from me almost daily. I didn't have a lock on my bedroom at the time, so whenever she was home by herself she'd sneak into my room and take anything she wanted. Clothes, make-up.. you name it. It's one thing to borrow, but it's another thing to sneak in, take, and then lie about having done so. It's such a horrible and violating feeling to be robbed by your own "family" and I empathize with you for having gone through that.
That sort of thing betrays trust, leaves a bad taste in your mouth, and it's just plain awful. Do I think you're overreacting? No way! A crime was committed under your roof against you. Your DH is much quicker to forgive than most and he most definitely needs to respect how you feel in letting SS back in your home.
If it were me, I'd require at the very least an apology from SS before I'd even consider allowing a thief back in my house. He's destroyed your trust and it's not unreasonable for him to be asked to earn it back. DH should understand this as well. Stealing, (especially from family and friends) is not just ethically wrong, it's a crime that can and will eventually land him in jail. It's not something I think any parent should take lightly, but that's just me.
It's such a violation!
It's such a violation! Especially in your own house - bedroom even.
UNBELIEVABLE!!!!
UNBELIEVABLE!!!!
I Facetimed my daughter after school (as I usually do) and she said my SS was there. I can't believe it! He just comes into my house when no one is there! I can't stand that piece of shit kid!
How did he get in? Does he
How did he get in? Does he have a key? Did your daughter let him in?
He knows where we hide the
He knows where we hide the key. My son and daughter use it to get in sometimes when they forget their key. Yes, I've thought about changing the location, which I will do today.
Supposedly he texted DH that he was coming over because he got off work.
I spoke to DH and he agreed that SS will apologize to me tonight. He will give me an explanation and also apologize to my friend that he stole from. Ugh!