I can't believe his work is making him go on a business trip within a week of the birth of his child.  Are there super extenuating circumstances as to why he has to go on this trip?  

Does he know how you feel about his lack of interest in the pregnancy and how much you want him there during the birth?

Does he realize how him driving back and forth with SD is taking precious time he can have with you and the birth of the baby? Why can't he cancel this business trip?

A positive thought - you can give the nurses a list of the ONLY people who are to be allowed to see you and do not put SD on it. 

It's completely understandable that you want OH there (but not SD). Time for  her to meet the new arrival after the event. My OH was also on a business trip 3 hours away when I went into labour. In fairness though he dropped everything and  a colleague lent him his car for him to drive home.He didn't miss much.

Some men are just clueless, especially when they have strong, capable wives who just suck it up and don't say something. It's time to help your husband get a clue. Tell him that even 4 hours when it's right at your due date and it's your first baby is too much. Let him know you need him. The same with the family event. Let him know in no uncertain terms you'd prefer he stay with you.

It could be that he doesn't know how important it is to you to have him close.  Or it could be he doesn't care. You won't know until you let him know your feelings and give him a chance to do the right thing. If he's just an uncaring ass, you'll know and can act accordingly. If he's a clueless man, better to talk to him and have him stay with you than risk him missing the birth, you feeling marginalized and neglected and resentment building.  Better to have the conversation than be a martyr.  Even though you *shouldn't* have to tell him something that seems so obvious to us, you do.

Child birth is already a tricky subject and gets worse when there are other kids involved. Yes you are the mother and giving birth but it’s his child too. I understand you not wanting an extra child around but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t want her there. What would you do if this wasn’t HIS child but a joint child?

Because that’s the difference, she is HIS child as much as the one you’re having. He still has a duty to her even though you’re having a kid.

Of course you’ll get the final say but it comes at a cost. If you decide to not tell him when you go into labor you can’t hold it against him in the future and when he is upset about it you can’t blame him. It’s being petty and this isn’t the time for it. Yeah he's not any better but the thing is you're not giving him any possession of this. It's YOUR child and YOUR birth and YOUR way. To hell with what he wants.

This is unacceptable and I am sorry you are going through this!

I am somewhat surprised by the varying responses in this thread. While in every relationship there is give and take, and a balancing of opinions and preferences, I am hard pressed to understand the husband's attitude towards his child's birth. Taking the SD out of the equation, the planning of a business trip alone surprises me, and demonstrates a lack of concern for OP and their unborn child.  While some may argue that it's his choice, and simply "different" from OPs preference, I cannot wrap my mind around the fact that a man, who decided to have another child, is not making adequate contingency plans such that he is present for the birth of his child. This isn't some random date night. It's a once in a lifetime chance to see his offspring enter the world. ETA: ...and to support the woman who is making that process possible!

As for what to do with SD, there is plenty of time to make arrangements for her during the birth.

OP, please do clearly tell DH your preferences for the birth - if in fact you still want to ensure his presence. If you do, tell him that the business trip is very much upsetting you, and that you will be far more comfortable if you have child care in place for SD.

OP don’t listen to anyone who says your DH should be prioritizing his child or that you’re making a big deal out of wanting him in the delivery room with you. You’re not. It’s YOUR birth experience and that’s what you want, SD should not be the priority right now. 

And no, fathers do NOT have equal rights during the birth of your child. Before & after, sure, but during? Absolutely not. YOU are the one giving birth, and labour/delivery is not always a straight forward experience. 

If my DH has prioritized my SS’s during my labour I would have left him, I’m not even kidding. It comes down to respect, and prioritizing previous children over the needs of the labouring mother AND the newborn child is the epitome of disrespect. There are other people who can take care of SD during your birth, you shouldn’t have to stress about having her there while you give birth.

Take care of you girl, and make sure your H knows in no uncertain terms exactly what you want. SD is not welcome & he needs to be there. 

Yes, I'm calling you out. And I'm doing so on behalf of OP (who I do not know but feel badly for in terms of your responses).

You are extrapolating and making harsh judgments on OP.

OP is not making unecessary demands on her DH. In fact, you'll notice that the majority of this board believe that she is being very reasonable. We are basing this on our own experiences and basic common sense.

OP never stated that everyone else would meet the baby before SD; she was clear that she wanted SD to come after the birth to meet her new sibling. As many of can relate, it is uncomfortable having a gaggle of family members in the waiting room, wanting updates, especially an eager younger sibling. SD will be perfectly fine at home, safely cared for by a trust family member or friend, while her father focuses on his wife for this very specific event.

OP never even hinted at asking her DH to stay home for a month around the birth, as you suggested she did; however, it reasonable for a spouse to not schedule any major trips during the window, such that he's not too far away in case labor begins.

OP never expected "life to stop" when she got pregnant; those were your words. She did, understandably so, ask that she be the priority during the birth - which may be hours to days, not a fully 9+ months of gestation.

Please back off of OP. Your recollection of your younger sibling's birth when you were a little kid has little bearing on OPs situation and the advice other women can provide, who have been through it, with or without older Bio kids or step kids.

I am in full agreement that you have every right to have the father of your child supporting you and that he is a complete dumbass if he has not grasped that fact.  But here is the practicality of the situation.  It sounds like you have not been frank with him about your emotional needs.  And it also sounds like, if you do not get them met in this situation, you are going to have lasting hostility toward him because of it.  That is an absolute marriage killer.  So for the sake of your marriage enduring long enough to raise your mutual child, please take a deep breath and be completely honest with him about what you are going to need from him and how you are going to feel if you do not get it.  He may not like hearing it but, if you are going to have a burning resentment toward him if he fails to act in a certain way that will almost certainly lead to marital hell, he at least deserves to make a conscious choice about it.

He should cancel things and prioritise you. No one know for sure how long a Labour is going to be, my second one was one and a half hours, and I know people that have had twenty minute labours. 

First off, PLEASE communicate all this with your husband, men are dumb sometimes and lack awareness.

I promise you this, if he's not there for you during this time, you will forever hold that resentment.  I have never forgiven my ex for that and it's part of what ended our marriage -he was also an abusive narcissist-so his 'not being there' was standard operating procedure.

As to NTT- first off, she's not pregnant-how many preggo moms here we have heard whose feelings change DRASTICALLY when they are carrying their own and skids start interferring in resources/time/etc....so I'll just sit back and laugh and wait for her moment that is SURE to come.

Recovery can be brutal-I bled out w/my 1st and was extremelly ill- my mom/brother/cousin who were in waiting room w/my 1st coouldn't come in for about 2hrs after I birthed. I then had after pains from the meds given to stop contractions and them pushing down on my bleeding out uterus-I was in as much pain as during labor for a good 12-18 hrs after.  

It would be best to calmly tell him how you feel and ask him what his motivations are, as I noticed you say 'I feel like he forgets /he doesn't want to' etc men are pretty stupid and insensitive at times and need things spelling out. I mean on one hand you may be right, on another he may just be not thinking, or more worried about skids reaction. Of course this isn't right but it's all based on assumption and it's best to deal with it now. In my case I kept my mouth shut while oh happily agreed to have ss the whole weekend of due date. Lo and behold he witnessed my bleed/emergency, packed off to nans while I had a traumatic birth then brought straight back to baby, me like a zombie hiding outside crying every 5 mins. Hubby thought it would be a fantastic family bonding occasion 

Above you at that time.

my husband is a senior vp in charge of admin and security of a national bank in his country, he is the centre person and can’t even take a week off without the bank not running smoothly. But his bosses and ceo (whom i know), never make him travel those last 2 weeks and if its 3&4 weeks prior its a quick day trip with his brother who lives nearby on standby incase i go into labor but if signs were labor is imminent, hubby would have one of his managers handle it.

workplaces are like this and they will never and have no right to  force your hand if you state your wife is about to give birth any moment. 

Even my husband prioritised me. Heck when ss was home when hubby had to take me to hospital, he simply told ss he had to go and ss had to fend for himself. Ss was 17.5 and almost 19 when both my kids were born...

no way should he be having sd over those initial few months and have her harassing you (because that is what it will be), if there are bad behaviours with sd like disrespect, you know you won’t get any private time to bond with your baby, breastfeed, sleep etc, then sd needs to stay with her stepmum and hubby can meet her every weekend for lunch or whatever. But your husband needs to be there with you those initial months when a newborn is so hands on.

heck i wa struggling with a 16.5 month old and a newborn and my ss was 19 at the time living in our home on university breaks and was a lazy piece of shit.

he left trash on kitchen floor, open and slammed doors waking up my kids, scared them and laughed when they cried. I told hubby these issues and he had to address them, deal with them. No buts, he just fixes it now. Hubby did step up and sort it, he knows ss is a selfish inconsiderate ass...

you need to just be frank and state to your husband what you are very angry, disappointed and hurt about, that he isn’t supporting you one bit and he actually intentionally planned to be away from you during those last few weeks.

my obstetrician told my husband 4 weeks prior hubby couldn’t leave the state with me or leave the state, 2 weeks prior we should both remain in our city ready to go to the airport at a moments notice... this was because my husband asked him when he should be on high alert because of his job so he could have other staff on standby and notify his bosses. No issue with his work and they totally understood

the day after my daughter was born, next day hubby had to go to work for a department meeting with his ceo but it was a few hours and his work is close to our hospital, 2nd baby hubby had staff bring over documents the next 2 days for him to sign while he was with me. Thats normal life for me because i married a banker/businessman/senior corporate executive and even then he would never be so inconsiderate and selfish to do what your husband has done.

nip this in the butt now like an adult. Say it straight to his face. Unfortunately the silent treatment isn’t always gonna work and thats a manipulative tactic to get results when you can do the same thing telling him to get his head out of his arse.

its so wrong you have to rely and depend on your neighbour and family instead of your husband. He should be your #1 and you his #1

OP, I was badgered (relentlessly) by my SIL to let her daughters (8 and 11) to visit but the maternity where I gave birth didn't allow anyone under the age of 15 in. Might be worth checking if the hospital where you're going doesn't have a limit like that.

You guys are way too nice imo. When I was giving birth, the security services of the hospital were informed that only DH is allowed to visit me. 
And this is it, I am mean, I know it, but it is all about MY new family, me, the father and the child. All other people have nothing to do in there. 
 

PS: one month before the due date and couple of months after I specifically requested DH to stay with me and bond all together. I would not accept any family event or boy's visitation during this time. If I am supposed to take care of myself and the newborn all alone, I prefer to stay alone and do it. Marriage must make things easier, not worse. IMHO