WHY? Why do we do this?
Forums:
Please someone explain to me why we willingly do this. Why we enter marriages with stepchildren and psychotic exes.
Is there a light at the end of the tunnel? I have severe regrets and doubts and I am currently reconsidering my whole life. I wish I had known what I was getting myself into when I married my husband. But things just keep getting worse, with the stepkids, lunatic ex and not mention my MIL...
I am at a loss.
The reason I am here is
The reason I am here is because DH did everything he could to protect me from BM, because he parented his son well, and because he understood how hard it was for me to deal with all of this stuff. We went through some hard times, but he always put me first and set clear boundaries on kid and ex.
If your DH doesn't do those things - ie, set clear boundaries on his mother, his ex and his kid, and put you first - then no, it won't get better at 18. Skids don't magically disappear at 18, the problems continue.
My SS is now 19. He was alienated from ages 15-18.5. He's back now, and he's on a clear Failure to Launch path - but from BM's house, not ours. DH has to pay 1.5 years more of Child Support and then hopefully we are done with BM - (though she is likely to keep trying to intrude).
Lack of parenting/boundaries
failure to launch ensure that skids will still be an issue and your problem as long as you are with this man as they will still cause disharmony and affect your life. Disengagement does nothing if your husband does nothing to fix these issues...
if he refuses to address it the only way you are free of tolerating this crap is to leave...
the reason why subsequent marriages have a high risk of ending in divorce is because the same issues surrounding previous divorce(s) were never addressed and have intensified and arsehole divorced spouses/partners tried to hide these issues and were selfish enough to bring a new person into this hellhole thinking magically she/he could fix it or make it go away. Sorry but it doesn’t work like that
It’s not going to get better
Unless your DH actually does something to make it better. Setting boundaries with his mother and Ex . Unless he does this it’s going to be the same old thing. Diffent day, same sh*t
I could have written your
I could have written your post. For me, I didn't really know what I was getting into. We now have a 1 year old....I feel stuck.
I am stuck b/c of baby...I am stuck financially. I love my DH so very much and things could be different but they won't be. He is happy.....I don't know how...I mean I know his life sucked before with his ex wife....my life didn't suck before with my ex....so I guess that's why now I'm unhappy and he is happy.
I found the woman I want to
I found the woman I want to make a life together with. She came with my SS-26 (He was 15mos old when we met). She also came with all of the crap associated with the shallow and polluted end of my SS's genepool. That is why I joined my first on line SParent community nearly 15 years ago and STalk over 11 years ago.
Compared to his SpermClan my SS has been a pleasure to raise.
STalk has given me a place to vent and contribute as well as pick up useful perspective and advice from others who have or are experiencing the blended family adventure.