Dads having to prove worthiness
Forums:
I worked with this person many years ago. I thought his story would resonate with many of us who are married to fathers who are pushed into a secondary parenting role or whose BM's have tried to alienate them from their children.
https://www.lovewhatmatters.com/my-girlfriend-of-9-months-was-pregnant-i...
I was just thinking today
I was just thinking today about how so many women think they are the "owner" of the child, and that the father should have to get their permission to have a relationship with the child. It's so bizarre to me - the child would not exist without the father. I do get that carrying a child for 9 months make it different for a woman, but so many seem to believe that they automatically have first rights to any child, and the court totally reinforces that.
On a side note, that guy is very good-looking.
Yep. BM thinks of the boys as
Yep. BM thinks of the boys as 'hers', everything needs to be on her terms, and it's 100% about control. This whole 'mother knows best' BS is just that as well, a giant crock of sh*t. Having a vagina doesn't automatically mean you're fit to be a parent, or that you're the better parent out of the two.
I will never understand why a man should have to fight that hard just to have equal rights to their children. I genuinely wish sometimes that people needed a license to be able to procreate...
Ugh yeah why is that??? In my
Ugh yeah why is that??? In my case not only does BM think that but so does DHs own mother. She things BM is doing DH a favor by allowing him to see his children.....ignoring that BM is an irresponsible fall down drunk.
i hate and I mean hate my exH and I hate his wife even more (you know the one who used to be my best friend). I stayed home with our 3 kids up until the divorce but I never thought they shouldn’t see their dad or that I was allowing him to see them.
i think it’s because most divorced moms simply lose control of what they once had (exH and kids) and try to regain that control by claiming ownership of the kids.
my MIL
My MIL told me that my DH "just needs to realize that he's a weekend dad." This was in response to one SS claiming he didn't want to come to our house EOWE because DH didn't entertain him all the time when he was with us, MIL was trying to convince me that it was DH's responsibility to make sure that SS wasn't ever bored when he was with us. It's comments like that from MIL that make me realize why DH ended up married to BM in the first place. And yes, it's totally about control...and jealousy.
Uh yeah my MIL is maybe even
Uh yeah my MIL is maybe even worse.She didn’t even say DH should be a weekend dad....she said the kids should choose when to leave BM or as she likes to call it “home” to come see dad....and he should always play by BMs rules as not to make waves.
my MIL as “nice” as she is has caused many of the problems that my dh has with his ex and his kids. She thinks if SKs say lets to go to Disney...we should get in the car immediately and go. She thinks her son is supposed to be at BMs and his kids beck and call 24/7. It’s bananas!!
The term “weekend dad” just further confirms
how a large chunk of society see dads as being pretty irrelevant in their childs upbringing. Like its not a 50-50 split. Even if dad is sole income earner, it doesn’t mean he gets an excuse to be a 20% dad... he can still be the sole income earner and a hands on involved dad checking to ensure everything is well with their child.
my ss who is 21 next month stupidly told his uncle child rearing was a womans job! Holding a baby was a womans job!!
this was in response to his uncle asking him what he called his sister and if he had ever carried her. He hadn’t acknowledged her even at 2 years old... she’s 3.5 and that hasn’t changed...
when you have a society of traditional women raised with traditional values that this is their domain, they basically make the men irrelevant. Then they complain when men aren’t doing their part with diaper changes, night feeds, putting to bed, doing chores... how can they when they’ve never been told or brought up expected to do these things...
i never let that be an excuse.... i fought hard to have hubby do his part and be an involved dad and not turn a blind eye... heck some men refer to themselves as sperm donors because the womans body is the one cooking the baby in her belly and birthing the child
I hate this attitude.
I hate this attitude.
SD's BM is like this. Kept calling SD just HER child when DH and BM divorced. And argued that she knew better how to take care of her because she was the mother. Cue eyeroll.
Yep... this is why my DH goes
Yep... this is why my DH goes along with anything to avoid conflict and refuses to go back to court if he doesn't have to.. every time he's ever been to court, they have reinforced his fear that the mother comes first. I get on his @$$ about taking her back to court but in the back of my mind I get it.. he will more than likely be shot down if he does go.
I am getting a decidedly
I am getting a decidedly emotionally incestuous feel to this article. The bed snuggling selfies make my skin crawl and immediately makes this guys entire child centric mantra suspect on many levels. IMHO.
I still think that rather than sacrifice his life to daddy-dom and the toxic BM he should grow some spine, keep BM on the hook for any crap she causes, and demonstrate to his dauther what a confident, happy and full engaged in his life dad/man looks like.
I certainly appreciate his total dedication to father-dom but.... he is not doing himself, his daughter or the toxic X/BM any favors IMHO.
The bed snuggling selfies
The bed snuggling selfies bothered me too. I'm not going to pretend I fully understand younger generations infatuation with "selfies," but I guess what bothers me most is that some single dude would think it is not only okay to repeatedly take bed-snuggling selfies with his young daughter, but also okay to post them online for all the world to see as some sort of high example of what a wonderful dad he is. Surely there are more appropriate pictures available showing dad and daughter doing things together, such as cooking, fishing, making something, working on homework together, etc. vs. them in pillow-talk like poses.
Agree.
It's not all about surface statements and claims of perfect sacrificial parenting. I noticed the same creepy things about the photos Rags did and the fact this guy is posting them all over, including Instagram.
The article is all about making glib surface statements and self-proclaimed claims of his "perfect parenting." I could not help but think of Shakespeare's words, "The [man] doth protest too much, methinks."
I'd bet BM probably has a very different take on this article.
I agree with others who say this is a case of child-worship in a very unhealthy dose. No wonder this guy can't have a healthy relationship with a woman, including the BM. My suggestion to him is to get into some serious counseling, stat, before someone else (maybe in authority) notices his over-the-top behavior and begins to question it. As the daughter approaches puberty, this situation is going to become even more troublesome than it is right now. Does he still plan to cuddle and sleep "spooned" against his daughter when she is 13, 14, 16?