Should I start therapy?
I have been in and out of therapy my entire life. I hated it as a child, however, it was mostly court ordered due to things that happened. Not things that I did, but things that happened to me. My problem here is that I find myself quickly losing patience, I don't feel like the same person I was prior to my marriage. I know that people change and that's a good thing, but I find that I don't like the person I'm becoming. I'm impatient with my kids, both step and bio. I'm anxious often and hate going to things and doing things with any of them because I'm always so uptight, which ALWAYS make everything so much worse for everyone. However, when I think about going to therapy, I think about the fact the closest people that insurance might help pay for are 45 minutes away minimum. I think about the time I would have to take off work and the fact I'm already taking tons of time off due to my 2 SK and my 2 bio's. I think about the fact that although I don't like who I am, I'm not THAT bad and that the theripist may just brush me off and basically think I'm ridiculous and being dramatic. So... do I search for therapy? Or do I just wait and see what happens?
In order for you to be there
In order for you to be there for your family.. you need to first be in a good place yourself. You know you aren't at your best right now. It won't be for a therapist to pass judgement on you.. it might be to help you figure out coping strategies..etc though. It also might be to help you put things in perspective (a nice way for saying don't make a mountain out of a molehill..lol).
I know it sounds like you don't have time.. but you probably waste more time due to your frazzled state than if you mindfully take a little time once a week to work on YOU.
I felt the same, but...
I felt the same, that I didn't have time and that I'd just be crabbier because I was taking even more time away from getting stuff done. I also felt like I was failing if I went, that I couldn't handle it, and since the last time I went basically we figured out that divorce was the best option.
But I bit the bullet recently because I just wasn't finding ways to deal with my life. I've gone twice now (to a therapist I've seen before) and just being able to crab at someone who isn't friend or family and I can say things without it getting back to anyone has been just what I need. Now that I've crabbed a lot we are actually gonna try to work on things in my next session.
GO!!
Definitely get to therapy. Take less time off for the kids, have your DH, Grandma, whoever, step in to help. You know something is off. Maybe see a psychiatrist bc a good antidepressant or anti anxiety medicine can make a huge difference. If you’ve never tried medicine you might find it’s exactly what you need. It has saved my life, literally.
If you are so unhappy you don’t even like yourself, and you feel you are hard to be around, you have to do something good for you. That is best for you and everyone else!!
Hope you start to feel better!
If you think you need therapy
If you think you need therapy then you probably do. Find a good one. Remember, the therapist works for you. If they don't deliver to your expectation then fire them and find one that does.
Good luck.