BM began alientanting Ss from dh very early. Telling him lies, about how dh wants to replace him, doesn't care for him etc etc- visicous bm crap. Ss(who was 14 at the time)  began believeing BM. He started dispecting dh-talking back, swearing, atttiude. Ss wanted to make dh suffer. Dh LOVED ss (he still does very much), but he also remembered that he is the parent and ss was a son. He didn't let ss get away with anything and alwayed disiplined ss and laid out the consequences, ss did not abide by them. He didn't care about the house rules and those around him. To not make him sound so bad, he was star player on the school's soccer team and is grades were always excellent- Noting but straight A's. 

Dh had enough and told ss that if he can't follow the rules of the house, he isn't welcome back here. Ss did not speak/contact dh for 2 years. Dh actually went into depression. We have no kids together, and I share custody with my ex. Dh does get along with my kids, but it's not the same as a bio-child. I wanted to clean out ss's room, or have my daughter take it, dh refused. Whenever he misssed ss, he would always go into his room an just stay in there for a while. We did continue living our lifes though. Dh is still checking in on ss: the occational text and e-mail. Dh never forgot ss's birthday or on chrismas - he would always get presents; wrap them up and put them away, and he did text him to wish him, but no response. Any emails and checking his school portal- he still got perfect grades, but dh did not physically see ss for 2 years. 

I want to say a month ago, ss (now 16), came back into our lives. We did not reconize him at all (not in a good way!). Before he had a athletic body, now he's skinny- not anorexic, but skinny. All color is gone from his face, he looks pale. When ss saw dh, he b-lined it to  dh and embraced and broke down. It was a very sad thing to witness. He was apologizing a lot! Dh tried to calm him down, but he said that he screwed up and lost 2 years of his life because of bm lies,and he was sorry, all this while crying. The way he was hugging dh was as life he was clinging on to him for his dear life, he was shaking. Something I noiced was ss kept fixing his sleeves and dh saw it too. Dh asked him to pull up his sleeves, and ss just broke down again and kept saying that he was pathetic and worthless. There were scars on his wrists. Dh broke down and as did I. Ss just kept apologizing. Dh did call bm and they duked it out, and ss stayed the night here, but he didn't want to be away from dh. He was terrfiied. Dh spent the night in Ss's room holding his hand. I dont think dh slept at all that night. 

Dh notfied his attonery and his taking bm back to court for full custody(ss wants to live with dh). Before I couldn't stand the sight of ss, but now I feel terrible for him. I hate BM with a passion. Dh has been taking Ss to a therapist, Ss transfered schools to be closer to us, spends at much one on one time with him. Dh actually changed is whole work schedule around, so he could be around ss more.

Ss's academic life is wonderful, it's his mental health I'm concerned for. Ss has developed major seperation anxiety from dh. He freaks out when dh leaves the room. The gulit for how he acted is eating him up alive- and he always says how he can never get those 2 years back . Dh has spoken to him saying that he's forgiven him and he just wants ss to be happy again, but it just goes out the other ear. And the matter in which he cries... it's heartbreaking. Both dh and I have broken too. it's really hard to hear a child keep saying that he's worthless, or pathetic, and sometime wishes he wasn't around. Dh feels terrible for not making for of an effort to see ss. 

How can we help him?.