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Time for a second job, BM...

lieutenant_dad's picture

Submitted by lieutenant_dad on Mon, 08/13/2018 - 5:47am

I'll preface this by saying it's a vent and I know I need to care less and all that. However, I am currently in "active listening" mode because BM drama is on the rise and I don't like to be surprised when excrement hits the fan.

BM has a new job that pays significantly less than her last two. Despite working full time and getting $1,000 a month in CS, she told DH she can barely pay her bills. In the past, her telling DH this would have resulted in DH opening his pocket book. Now, it just puts him (and I) on red alert...and has DH say "I'll see if I know of anything" so that she can get a better job.

I work for a large hospital network and DH was asking if I knew how much jobs paid and if there was anything available. I was blunt. I said that she would have to online like everyone else, that I had no pull, and the few jobs I knew about I didn't think she would qualify for (and I didn't want to have to work with her).

She is in a position where she has no relevant and usable education. She was licensed as a mechanic around the time her and DH divorced, but she never was a mechanic because she was "too frail". So, those certs are useless. If she wants to make more money, she'll need more education (unlikely to happen) or she'll need to do physical labor, which she supposedly can't do (after the whole stomach pain fiasco, she has now apparently torn her rotator cuff after falling down the stairs).

Her third option would be to work two jobs, but I can almost guarantee that she won't. The kids are teenagers, one of them being old enough to hold down a job outside the house, yet she still has family (and her XH) come and babysit them while she works. They don't NEED a babysitter. They NEED food on the table and the lights turned on.

Maybe it's way tougher than I give her credit for, but all summer it has been "woe is me" coming from her. YSS's attitude has been all over the map, and that is half hormones and half his mom (he always act differently when she is stressed; it's one of the first clues that something is off). OSS has gone back in to parent mode, wherein DH and I both had to tell him this weekend to stop acting like one and let the adults in the house do the adult stuff. 

I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop. For her to get evicted, again. For her to lose this job, too, because of some unknown ailment. For her to just make really stupid decisions that cause ripple effects into my home through her kids.

I just don't get how it is so hard. Am I being unrealistic? Do I just lack the personal experience to not "get" it? My Dad and SF worked two jobs most of their lives (my Dad still does). My mom picked up extra shifts when she could. Did it sacrifice time with us? Yes. Did they do what they had to do, though? Absolutely.

Again, I'm just venting. That pit in my stomach is trying to prepare me for more drama, and I'm just not looking forward to it. I hope she figures it out. 

Comments

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

Submitted by ProbablyAlready... on Mon, 08/13/2018 - 7:59am

Gotta love that... BM b****s to everyone about not being able to pay bills... She WAS a CNA before she got fired for 1) not going 2) a suspected failed drug test (suspected, pretty sure on this one though). She made good money and still claimed she didnt' have enough...

Now she still b****s and only works like 16 hours a week at a fast food place as a waitress, and druggie works at a fast food place making like $9 an hour... It's called getting a real job... And working full time... A shocking prospect for both of them I know....

Coco72's picture

Submitted by Coco72 on Mon, 08/13/2018 - 8:02am

I wish BM would just get one job!! But wait, if she did that how would she ever have the time to travel, or go swimming, or hike?? Priorities people.

Every time SS11 comes he asks "what are we doing tomorrow", DH always tells him "its Thursday Bud, Coco and I have to work", to which SS replies "Ugh...you guys always work". Believe me SS, I feel the same way, we are doing this all wrong, lol.

 

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Aniki-Moderator on Mon, 08/13/2018 - 9:39am

Lt Dad, I got nuttin'.

I honestly do NOT understand this kind of mentality.

Need more money? Get off your arse and earn it.
Money is tight? Cut out the frills.

I've known waaaaay too many people who fail to comprehend that Monster Energy Drinks, going to Happy Hour, and store-bought cookies are FRILLS.

In my adult life, I have worked: 2 full-time jobs; 1 full-time and 2 part-time jobs; 1 full-time and 1 part-time jobs. All to make ends meet, keep the bills paid, support my slacker ex, and NEVER made a single late payment. Sure, I sacrificed. I gave up smoking, breakfast, and coffee (SHUDDER!) to cut corners.

I'm glad your DH is not automatically opening his checkbook. WTH is going on that she thinks teenagers need a babysitter?? WE do not allow PigPen to be alone in our home because he has sticky fingers.

Wish I had words of wisdom. I can only virtually spike your tea/coffee and offer you sympathy for the anticipated BS. {{hugs}}

Siemprematahari's picture

Submitted by Siemprematahari on Mon, 08/13/2018 - 11:16am

BM playing that victim role of the "woes is me" to the T. I hope sh!t doesn't hit the fan and sending positive vibes that she puts her big girl panties on and do what she has to do to help provide for her kids. That victim mentality is not going to serve her or pay the bills. I would hate to see what happens when the $1000 child support stops. What will she do.......

Positive thoughts that she makes it work and finds a job.

notsobad's picture

Submitted by notsobad on Mon, 08/13/2018 - 10:57pm

"he always act differently when she is stressed; it's one of the first clues that something is off"

We deal with this ALL. THE. TIME!

SD(29) is BMs emotional support. SD gets so stressed out whenever something is wrong in BMs world. We know it's BM because if the problem is SDs, she tells us. Her boss is an ass, her roommate pissed her off, whatever. When it's something to do with BM, SD just says she's stressed.

And she gets soooooo stressed. Not sleeping, not eating, headaches all because BM and her bf had a fight or BM can't sell her house.

Most of BMs problems are financial as well. If SD has any money to spare, BM happily takes if from her, even if it leaves SD in a financially tight spot. Who takes money from their kids like that? SS(27) tells BM he has no money, so sorry. We know because in a drunken rant he told us.