Fun Crap from YSD. This Girl is the Worst.
I swear. I'm so ready to be done.
So, we had our sit down college talk with YSD and BM. Oh joy. Some highlights:
1. For some reason, DH decided to do this at our house, around our table. While DH and I were waiting for them to arrive, we were discussing YSD and college...making some point about how aimless and lazy she's been this year...talking in the kitchen...when I hear a loud: "Hello!!!" Turns out YSD and BM just walked into our home without knocking. I was pretty PO'd about that and let DH know after they left that they have to knock...and that I'm changing the locks as soon as YSD moves out.
2. During our meeting, it comes out that YSD just expects to go to the school she wants to go to...and for us to sign off on it and pay. We asked her to look into at least 2 other schools and create a comparison for us. Of course, she hasn't done that...even though she has gotten into several other schools. We were able to have a good conversation about that, which she took well. Essentially, I told her that her flat-out refusal to explore any other options for school make us all feel that she has become fixated on this one school for the wrong reasons (aka a boy) and that we're not putting our money behind such a sloppy plan at 40K a year. I told her that I do more comparison shopping when looking for a new dress or pair of shoes than she's done for an expensive 4-year college, which shows me she's not ready. DH and BM both agreed.
3. Even though she took it well, at one point she did say: "Well everyone else I know just gets their parents to pay for their whole school and they get their parents' credit card. Where's my credit card?" She said it in a joking way...but you know there's truth behind jokes. DH responded: "I don't know. Where's mine. You're about to be a grown-up."
4. We all agreed that she will move out of her mom's with a friend we like and go to the local community college for one year, and we will revisit the college question next spring. FWIW...we are not opposed to helping with college at all...we just don't want to flush tons of money down the toilet for a kid who clearly has no plan and isn't even trying to get one.
5. So then we had her this weekend. Among the other amazing tidbits from the weekend: a.) After taking our $$$ to go to a concert with her big sister who was in town for the weekend DH asked her to do chores the next day. YSD: "Whhyyyyyy do I have to do chooorrrees?! I'm almost 18!!!" (Um. Ok. Then pay for your own stuff.) b.) "I'm going to start a band called CHILDREN OF DIVORCE so we can sing about how terrible we all have it." (Again...said half-joking...but still kind of a bitchy thing to say.) c.) I went out with my sister Sunday afternoon. When I got back, DH wanted to go out with me...and he told me this long story about getting into a big argument with YSD, who now wants to go to a big drag show out in LA next month. No idea why or how she even got into this...but the girl who needs Dadddeeeeee to pay a $10 cover charge at a local listening room and wants our credit card for an expensive college suddenly has money to go to California for a week? DH pointed this out to her and she said: "Well, now that I'm not going to the college I want to go to, I'll have lots of extra money to spend." Seriously...like the point of sitting out and going to an inexpensive community college for a year is to save up and make a plan for the following year.
Anyway. I barely interact with her anymore and never ask her to do anything...I don't want to get in the middle of any of it. Just counting down the days at this point.
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Re #4... my OSD moved out of
Re #4... my OSD moved out of her grandparents (where she lived rent-free) to go work and go to school at CC. She of course blew off attending classes and didn't do well and spent most of the grant they gave her on clothes. THAT is why we didn't pay for her college up front. I have a feeling that DH would have tried to help if she had shown some interest and initiative.. but she didn't.. so we were off the hook hallelujah!
YSD has always paid for her older and lazier sister's mistakes so she went in right away knowing we were giving her zero.. zippo so she got a job that paid her to go to school to and she is doing pretty well in her classes overall mostly A's with a few B's.. Now of course we are encouraging her to stick with this route since it costs us zero and she doesn't have loans either... and a great job with 401k and benefits!
Amen.
Amen.
OSD did the CC route...but hasn't done so well so far, even though she's technically paying for it herself. Lots of C's and D's when I know she could do better. But, yeah. Glad we're not paying for such lazy, terrible performance.
My DD told me she was in a
My DD told me she was in a college class once and the professor asked whoever did not have student loans to raise his/her hand. She was the only one who did not raise her hand (she was fortunate enough to have a full scholarship). So your YSD asserting that everyone gets college paid for and a credit card is WRONG. But you already knew that.
My DS did not take school seriously until he had to pay for his semester up front. If he got above a 3.0, I paid him back. It worked and he graduated with a 3.7. He didn't mind wasting my money, but he did mind wasting his own....you may want to do the same for YSD. It should not take her long to save up money for community college courses.
You're WAY nicer than I am.
You're WAY nicer than I am. Dh and I have already been talking. I paid for EVERY penny of my college, including my housing, and food, and everything. I'm a firm believer that between starting to fund anything besides necessitites at 16 and funding my own college, that's why I've become responsible and am able to understand the reality of money. So I told him I expect the girls to earn their college as well. I did a HUGE amount of maturing in college, I went from a shy, deer in headlights, self-concious person to really just being able to be myself, and I think that prepared me more for life than anything else. So I already told him, even if we magically have the money, they can either figure it out (we'll help figure, just won't fund) or if they think they're entitiled to free college, there's a way to do that, it's called earning it through the military. He actually agreed.
You're nicer than I am. Especially since even if I had been talked into helping fund college, the SECOND she said she was going on a trip instead of helping fund HER schooling, I would have been done, and she would have been hit with reality.
Oh boy, she reminds me a lot
Oh boy, she reminds me a lot of my SD20. NONE of us felt that SD 20 was remotely ready for college, DH refused to pay a dime because of this (he does send her $150.00 a month), BM1 of course doesn't pay a dime of ANYTHING so that was a moot point. Anyway, SD took out student loans because she just HADDDDD to go to University where her BF was going. They got an apartment together her sophomore year, which DH also warned her against. They moved in the beginning of August and were broken up by mid October and are still living together until their lease is up in July, because they have no other options. When SD came home at Christmas time, she told DH she wanted to quit University and come back home and work at sporting good store and was apparently angling at living with us which was a GINORMOUS NO!. She ended up going back and staying at University and according to my Twitter stalking has found some gal to room with next year (Jr. Year) so I guess she's back to planning on staying??? the whole point is she is flakey beyond belief and THIS is why I am soooooo glad my DH did not guilty daddy his way to bankruptcy by paying for her University or cosigning her student loans!