Taking BS16 on a mini-vaca...
for the holiday.
He and I are going out to the my dads lake house. My son loves, loves, loves to fish and swim. Plus, there are always so many kids out there that he has a total blast!
I will work on some homework and probably drive around the park in the golf cart - visiting with everyone that I haven't seen since last summer. 
The lake house is in a park that is only open from May 1st through September 30th. The park sits between two lakes and is filled to the brim with families. There are sooooo many fun things to do: bon fires, camp outs, basketball, horse shoes, other sports, all water sports, bike trails, fishing, gun range, etc. It's a total blast and a super safe place for children to play at. All of the families watch each others kids. A kid can't get away with doing something bad without another parent correcting them. And all of the adults in the park make sure there is nothing unsafe happening because there are so many children around. It's a great place to spend time at during the summer! Even the teens can't get away with any hanky-panky. There are eyes everywhere.
****
The first, and only time, my dad invited the SKIDS to come out: They completely embarrassed me by complaining the entire time about being "bored." Then, everything that my step-mom offered them to eat, they snubbed their nose up at it. Even though it was 90 degree weather, they wouldn't swim in the lake. The didn't want to play in the sand. They didn't want to find other kids to play with. They didn't want to ride in the golf cart. They didn't want to go fishing. They didn't want to go for walks or ride the bikes my dad borrowed for them. They didn't want to go on the boat. And on and on and on and on it went. I was mortified by their bad manners. After 3 hours of it, I asked my DH to take them home because they were ruining everyone else's good time by being brats. Clearly, they didn't want to be there and thus, they were bound and determined to ruin everyone else's good time. Not fair.
Now, my BS and I going out there has become an even more special mini-vacation. Last summer the SKIDS complained about how come they can't come to the lake with us. I almost fell out of my chair, looked at them and said, "Really? You are seriously going to ask why you aren't welcome out there? Even after the way you behaved the last time you were invited? You were completely rude to my step-mom and dad. You were rude to everyone. And you seriously wonder why you aren't welcome back? REALLY?"
Naturally, instead of DH taking the teaching moment to talk to his kids about APOLOGIZING to people you've done wrong, he was mortified that I would DARE to say that to his kids. Once again, I was "too stern."
Really? You think I'm too stern? You think that your kids should NOT have been told about themselves? Why? Because they are so "special" that they are allowed to treat people ANY way they want and there will never be consequences? Sorry sweetie, only YOU love them enough to over-look all of their bratty behavior. The rest of the world can't stand them. They just add to the already over-populated portion of society that functions solely upon that very "endearing" entitlistic attitude... "I'm just out to get mine..." or "It's all about MEeee - Yayyyy!!"
I would love to give them a second chance out there, but not until they can demonstrate in other areas of life that they are capable of acting like humans and I won't face being embarrassed by them. And the next time (IF there is a next time) my parents open their doors to the SKIDS, they won't be treated like crap for it. PLUS, I really don't want them around the other families/kids in the park. I don't want to be associated with them in that way any more.
Anywho, so I suppose the moral of my rant is:
The SKIDS are once again are facing a summer missing out on tons o' fun. My DH is sad to see that I am not *mysteriously* forgiving his kids (when I've never been apologized to) and forgetting about how they behaved out there.
Dude, I am totally willing and capable of letting by-gones be by-gones, BUT that does NOT mean that I am going to put myself (or others) in the same position of being treated that way again. ESPECIALLY when their hurtful and bratty behavior has not changed and thus, I have zero confidence that the next visit won't just be more of the last. No thanks. I'll pass on that.
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Comments
A heartfelt apology would go
A heartfelt apology would go a long way.
However, just like many SKIDS on here: the only time they apologize is when they are forced to. Even then, all they are really sorry for is the fact that they got caught.
i hear that. i've told sd why
i hear that. i've told sd why i won't be involved in her pregnancy. because of how she treated me when i was pregnant and how she celebrated when i miscarried. she told me i should be "over it and want to help her". bitch has some nerve. or a lot of stupidity, take your pick. i told her that in almost 3 years, she hasn't managed to utter the words "i'm sorry" for what she did to me and that that says a lot. she still hasn't even attempted to apologize and she never will. that's fine, i don't want a fake apology. i just wish that she would get it thru her empty head that her actions have consequences and she doesn't get to tell other people how to feel or what to do. i'm sure that she whole heartedly believes that I am the one who owes HER an apology for not being there for her.
newsflash sd: I DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOU OR YOUR KID.
^ agreed
^ agreed
(No subject)
:sick:
Ugggg. I could never picture
Ugggg. I could never picture myself going on a vacation with the SKIDS. The only way it would work is if I has my own car, or scheduled a separate flight, my own hotel room, along with a different agenda of activities - in a different vacation spot - from the SKIDS. No friggin' way would I go on vacation with them. I won't even go to the mall or the grocery store with them.
That must have been HORRIBLE!!! :jawdrop:
And when, exactly, do "children" grow up? When are they expected to act like a human being? A whole hell of a lot sooner than 22 and 29.
Did you kick your DH in the stones for it? I would have.
Parents like him don't even
Parents like him don't even know how badly they are disabling their children.
My DH does it for his kids, because that's what his parents still do for him. They try to do everything for him.
"Oh no son, let me do that for you."
After a lifetime of this, the message that a kid gets is, "I can't do it."
After a lifetime of a parent not providing proper boundaries and expectations, the message that a kid gets is, "There are no boundaries and no one expects anything of me."
It so sad to watch.
Going on vacation with SKIDS
Going on vacation with SKIDS totally sux! Over Thanksgiving, we went to Moab with them AND my in-laws. Luckily, there was no room in the truck for them, so they had to ride the entire 6.5 hours with my in-laws (whose idea it was anyway), so we lucked out there, but I was ready to kill by Friday night. That was only halfway through the trip. It was all I could do not to push them over a cliff the whole time. I mostly just hiked ahead of everyone the whole time. The worst part was when we went 4-wheeling with SS12 who gets motion sickness. But since complaining is his favorite pastime, it worked out great for him. :/
I love your tag line. I've
I love your tag line. I've stolen it from you and used it once. It worked wonders on closing the hole in SD's face one time.
I'm sure it helped that I said it reallllllllly quiet, almost a whisper, and really close to her face. }:)
That is disgusting. I'm an
:sick:
That is disgusting.
I'm an old fogey too. And glad of it.
Sounds like you know exactly
Sounds like you know exactly what I'm talking about! And his D sounds exactly like my twin SKIDS. It's all about them.
Parents like this don't understand that they are doing their children zero favors by never allowing them to experience disappointment. Disappointment and adversity in life is what builds resilience. We all see people around us who aren't resilient: they are the most self-absorbed and entitlistic of them all. EVERYTHING is about them.
Wow.
I mean, I understand child development. It's normal for a child to not understand that they aren't the center of the universe. However, as parents, it's our jobs to make sure they understand that other people are as equally as important as they are. That sometimes, hell most of the time, life isn't fair and/or flat-out sucks sometimes. That they can't always get what they want. That they always have a choice - and with each choice - there will be a consequence.
The consequence that my DH faces by CHOOSING to not teach his children that they WILL face consequences for their behavior, is that no one wants his children around. I can see that he is deeply hurt by this. I mean, his own brother won't bring his children around when the twins will be there. EVEN at Christmas. Yet, he does little about. So how sorry do I really feel for him? Not much. How sorry do I feel for his kids? A lot more than I feel for their father, because they really, honestly just don't know any better. They aren't being taught a better way of living life.
What I feel the most sorry for the SKIDS about is that, you know, not to toot my own horn, but I really do have so much to offer that they could benefit from. Even my "too stern" mothering style. Yet, my DH has disabled me in building a relationship with his children. He doesn't like the fact that I am "too stern" and thus has told me that the only way I can have a relationship with his children is if I let them treat me the same way they treat him.
No thanks.
I'll watch the train wreck from over here.
Just to be nice: I've promised to not say "I told you so" when his daughter is swinging on a pole and his son is in jail.
OMG exactly! PEOPLE DON'T
OMG exactly! PEOPLE DON'T LIKE BRATS! What part of that is so difficult to understand??
And it's not too difficult to figure out what behaviors our society considers "bratty." We are all pretty darn loud about it. In fact, there are even some laws surrounding the matter. So it shouldn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that your kid is a brat and something needs to be done about it.
ESPECIALLY when you are flat-out being TOLD that your kid is a brat and that no one wants to be around them.
WTF. Heellloooo. Anyone home in there?
I just don't get some of these parents. For real.
And "butthurt"... hahahahaaa!!!!! That literally made me laugh out loud.
that's what i'd like to know.
that's what i'd like to know. at what age are they accountable for their behavior? i had a sm who liked to target me on another site. apparently expecting a 16 year old to behave like a human being was ridiculous of me. she's "just a kid". i guess i was out of line to expect her to have manners and be respectful and have consequences for her behavior. this idiot told me i don't "let sd be human". :O actually, my issue was with her very INhumane behavior, but whatever. apparently you let them go til they are in their 40's with no consequences and expect them to magically know how to behave on their 50th bday. hey, i'm only in my 30's! i guess that means i can be an asshole and demand things and throw fits and that will be ok, because i'm "just a kid"! :sick:
Good thing you found us good
Good thing you found us good folk over here on Steptalk then.
There ARE normal kid behaviors. Which, when coupled with all of the other extenuating circumstances, can become completely and utterly unbearable to deal with. Just as, there are those people out there that just aren't going to like the SKIDS no matter what. There's a fine line sometimes. But for most folks on here, well, there's a real obvious reason why we come here.
I hear all of this...I will
I hear all of this...I will NOT go on vacation with SD soon to be 18 because she is so far up her daaadddyyy's butt it's nauseating. DH doesn't want to hurt her fee-fees and lets her effectively exclude me saying "what am I supposed to do?"
Ugh, why should I go when it's really just the two of them who will be hanging out and I'll be like the third wheel? I told DH he is welcome to take her on a "them only" vacation, but he always declines. Even HE doesn't want to be stuck alone with her as eventually he gets fed up with the clinging and neediness lol.