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SS snuck off while we were at a restaurant

Invisible Woman's picture

I don’t know how to explain this. SS(11)'s behavior is getting more and more bizarre.

To start off with I thought he was getting a little better this week. Or at least I wasn’t as stressed over him. I’ve been trying to not get bent out of shape about his behavior. Not my kid not my problem. Then he does something like this.

SS, DH, my parents, my sister and her husband and I were eating dinner at restaurant outside of a mall before going to a movie yesterday evening. SS kept saying he needed to go to the restroom which was located at the front of the restaurant. DH took him twice then SS said he needed to go again and we were eating so DH let him go alone. Big mistake. 10 minutes later SS still wasn’t back. DH checked on him and couldn’t find him. The hostess thought she saw him walk out and she called mall security and the police. I was completely freaking out.

Mall security found him about 10 minutes later sitting on a bench in the mall. He didn’t say anything and security guy and police officers all thought he was autistic (he’s not). I cannot explain why he does this. It’s crazy.

This is the kind of stuff that always happen when we try to do something nice and take him somewhere. It’s embarrassing to have him in public. We cannot trust him at all. We’re now going to need to treat him like he’s 5 and cannot be out of our sight. Maybe he needs an one of those animal harness backpack/leash?

Comments

FeuilleMorte's picture

Well, no, I think he needs some counseling. He's obviously acting something out. Not your fault, but your responsibility to get him some professional help.

FeuilleMorte's picture

Well, it takes time. Clearly this child is in pain. And I'm so very sorry that you have to deal with it. But, you do.

Remember, it takes time. Call the therapist, tell him/her what happened.

And take care of yourself. Don't blame yourself. Just try to remain patient -- not an easy thing to do!

Invisible Woman's picture

He has an appointment on Mon with the psychiatrist. DH has a sales conference call that morning so of course I'm the one that's got to take SS.

3familiesIn1's picture

I only agree half way with this.

Its your responsibility as wife to your SO to strongly suggest SO get him some help.

oneoffour's picture

Agoraphobic? Claustrophobic?
Doesn't like open spaces? Crowds of people around him? Just a thought.
It certianly doesn't sound normal. If he were older I would say he is sneaking off for a smoke.

I hope the therapist makes some headway. It may take a while for SS to leanr to trust her/him.

Invisible Woman's picture

It could be agoraphobia. He’s very antisocial and doesn’t like to be around people. It was very crowded but it’s wide open type layout not something that you would be claustrophobic in.

But when SS was here before he didn’t do any of this type of strange behavior and was fine at restaurants. It just started since he moved in full-time. But puberty could be to blame too. I’ve read that a lot of mental illness start showing up in kids during this time

Invisible Woman's picture

They don't really know yet. All we hear is "See the receptionist to schedule more appointments". LOL.

He’s been diagnosed with major depression but beyond that we don't know if there's something bigger going on. The diagnosis is based on his behavior. I think he should be diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder. Because he's defiant in passive ways the therapist is focused on depression.

He’s not very talkative in general and won’t open up in counseling or therapy sessions. He told the therapist he doesn’t want to say anything because she will tell his dad what he says. His therapist also thinks he has issues expressing himself in English (thanks to BM). I’m not sure I buy that excuse but she has. So more sessions...

We had been proactive about getting him into counseling to help with the transition and deal with the PAS. He had been seeing a counselor who mainly deals with families going through divorces that a friend of mine recommended. But as things got worse, we were referred to a therapist by his school and the psychiatrist by our pediatrician.

We know he’s having trouble dealing with the move and the counselor and now the therapist have been focusing on that and helping him with coping skills and expressing his feelings.

They haven't been looking the deeper issues like how badly his BM messed him up and alienated him against his dad. Maybe when they hear about how his behavior is escalating they’ll finally realize there’s more going on here and how BM is to blame.

FeuilleMorte's picture

So sorry, Invisible. The truth is? It does take time. Sometimes lots of time. Be patient and keep sending him to the counselor. He won't open up until he feels safe there, which may take weeks or months.