Letting of steam for the first time
Ok don't know if I'm posting this right lol
I have a step son who is 4. Me and my partner got together before he was even born, he was the result of a one night stand. My partner told me about him after us being together s month so I had the chance to get out and mist if the time I wish I had!
We have recently had a baby boy he is 7monthd old who is my world.
My partner had nothing to do with his son for well over 2years because of the mother being difficult because she didn't want me to have anything to do with him, we eventually got a DNA test sorted because she didn't know if it wax my parnters or another guys and then he got a solicitor and he started seeing him aslong as I had nothing to do with him. At first I let my patner try and bond which was really difficult as he had to go to her house for a few house every week and I'm only human and hated it and got jelous. Months went on and I was still banned and her and her family would go round to his family house and he would go to hers and I was conpletly pushed out and I flipped and couldn't take anymore refused to have anything to do with his family and we rowed all the time it was awlful, we split up quote alot but always ended back together but I still wasn't allowed near his son, I was a mess and really couldn't cope and pushed him away by the rowing so much he cheated on me, not with the mother someone at work this ended out 4year relationship and I was really getting back to myself again going out seeing my friends, my family were so pleased that I was getting over him. 3months and no contact, I was a new person, then he rung me to chat and a chat ended up to meeting him and ...... 6weeks later I found out I was pregnant !!!! We didn't get back together straight away it was about 6months into my pregnancy we got back together. I had started to what I thought was bond with my step son as by this point he had him every Sunday and really thought we was getting somewhere but now my son is 7months old and his family completely ignore my son so my step son doesn't feel left out and I can't stand them still after them pushing me out! My step son ignores me and lies to me about everything, he's naughty when he thinks we arnt looking, my partner is really good and tells him off but I can't cope anymore, I'd be much happier if we split up and I didn't have to cope with it! We have started to row again like we used to and I don't want my son around it ! I don't know what to do, I love him but just can't bond with his son and I hate his family especially his mother who he tells everything to ! I don't want to be unhappy anymore !
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Comments
Have u had a talk with your
Have u had a talk with your partner? Sometimes they listen but they don't hear maybe seeing a counsler would help. I feel your pain these kids think they run it all. I'm dealing with my sd and all her drama. It does make u want to throw in the towel. I also been leaving my hubby to deal with his daughter all on his own. He eyes opened up more than they were. Mayb he needs to deal with him on a one on one basis. So that he can actually see how his son really is.
My partner listens to what he
My partner listens to what he wants to hear, I can be sitting there in tears telling him how I feel and he turns it around and makes it about him self! He is good I won't have my step son if he's not around I don't see why I should. My partner has seen it and is very good with telling him off. Im 22, should I really be having to deal with this ??? It started when u was 18, I've put up with soooo much crap I just feel like its never going to get better. I have thought about a counsellor but just try and pick myself back up ! I dont talk to anyone because if I had a friend that put upbwith what I do I would tell her to leave him. He can't see why I can't accept his son! Most of the time I think I'm in the wrong and I properly am, its not the Childs thought I can't forget the past and accept him.
This is what I think
This is what I think happened. His family were so scared of losing that first child that they did anything to keep him in their lives. He was the result of a ONS so it wasn't like his parents were ever even living together. So there is some guilt there as well.
As far as your child, you live with your partner so the chance of you going anywhere is slim. Also if you have fought with them in the past being near you may be not what they want to do and as they cannot see your child without you there is little chance of them bonding with him is there?
So you have choices. Let go the past. Or move on. Making some form of peace with his mother will go a long way. She is the only woman who has remained in his life through all of this. She has always been there.
Moving on means knowing that for a few days a month your baby is going to be around this other family without you there. Now it is unlikely to result in mistreatment buyt it will drive you crazy.
And you are letting a 4 yr old get to you. Come on! So he lies to you. Just say "Really? Fancy that!" And ignore him. When he is being good and well behaved, tell him so and reward him. When he misbehaves, ignore him. You are NOT his mother or bio relative. You have no legal responsibility for him. If he had a dreadful cold you couldn't legally take him to the doctor.
Counselling or getting a book about dealing wiht your troublesome issues from the library will help you a lot. And work at being a good nice person. You get more bees with honey than vinegar. Being nice and understanding to your partner will stop him form running to his mother at every chance he gets. And NEVER tell him anything about the way you feel unless you want her to know. HE needs retraining but it can be done.
When I has my baby I did make
When I has my baby I did make peace with all of them and tried with them but being slagged of to SS BM I think is chucking it back in my face, the BM stood there and told me and my partner what they say about me to her and he still can't stick up for me. Or even give me abit of comfort he just shouts at me !!!! Were moVing at the end of the month, so I'm hoping miving away from his family so we arnt in the same town will help abit, but he calls her 3or 4 times a day when he's at work, I can't control that or what he says to his mum. I just think I'm fighting a loseing battle.