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"Kill Her With Kindness"

NewBeginning's picture

Submitted by NewBeginning on Mon, 04/11/2011 - 7:37pm

MIL called me today - please read my previous post to see what about - and told me that I handled myself well. Told me she really only had my SD there due to my DH inviting her..she did not and wanted me to know that.

She also said that she finds she "kills SD with kindness". She knows SD doesn't like her for being so blunt so she plays the kindness card with her. She asked if I felt I could do that.

I replied there was no way. I do not feel I need to kiss this brat's ass for any reason. For one thing, I don't care about anything she is doing or thinking of doing. I want her to know nothing personal about me in any way, shape, or form that she can use at a later time to use to manipulate me which she has done many times. I would even prefer if my husband didn't speak of me in her presence any more. The less she knows about me..the better I feel. I honestly feel if I never saw her again it would be WAY too soon.

Now..how do you turn those feelings into "kill her with kindness"? I would be faking and I don't quite know how to do that. I feel if my husband's family has to kill her with kindness in order to survive around her then that's they're way of coping. My way is to completely ignore you and cut you loose.

I almost feel I'm in a war of sanity..who looses it first is the winner. You either have to ignore this idiot or kiss her ass in fake conversation.

All I know is I refuse to lose my ground with the bitch ever again. And I mean that with all that I am.

Smile

Comments

twopines's picture

Submitted by twopines on Mon, 04/11/2011 - 7:43pm

Your MIL's relationship with SD is completely different than yours. She can kill with kindness all she wants, but she should not try to make you do the same. That's ridiculous.

Going by your last blog, killing her with indifference had the same effect. I like indifference. I never kill with kindness. I don't care enough about the people the make the effort.

Hang in there, NB. You have this forum to help you keep seeing things clearly.

NewBeginning's picture

Submitted by NewBeginning on Mon, 04/11/2011 - 8:48pm

Thanks ladies. I watch my INlaws and my entire husband's family just suffer in silence and they do it because they love my husband.

He is the most kind, gentle, affectionate man I've ever met..his family adores him.

BUT - they only tolerate his daughter because they love him. I honestly feel sometimes if I didn't have his family to talk to I'd lose it. They're way of handling it is very different than mine.

While I love my husband dearly like they do, I choose to ignore his shithead daughter. I can't stand the sight of her and I don't hide that fact from him. I don't talk to her let alone let her touch me and act like I'm okay with it.

I took his granddaughter to the bathroom at the restaurant Saturday night and when we came out my SD was at the baby changing station changing her son's diaper. GD was like "Look..it's her!" I just went "Uh huh" and never even acknowledged she was in that small of a space with me. SD looked like she had swallowed a huge bug and just grinned like a lunatic. I'd have to be stupid to not see she was nervous..but at the same time was silently hoping I'd run over and make over her baby.

I just took GD's hand and walked out not speaking a word to her. At MIL's house I chatted with her husband for quite some time and played with her son for a while as well. I made rounds to talk to everyone and any kind of words she spoke to me fell on deaf ears. I know everyone knew what was happening. But the night went on with me ignoring her regardless.

I realize I can't stop my husband from inviting her to things so he can see his grandson...but he's sure going to know my displeasure about having to be around her. I've already told him if he chooses to go visit her it will be without me. She lives an hour away and as much as I would like to have a relationship with her son...I'm not going anywhere near her house.

I won't be some halfwit ninny he may have dated after his divorce that sat around and took her shit..and also sat back and watched HIM take her shit. My daughter's 20 as well...if she spoke to me in the way my SD has she'd be toothless.

Thanks for listening...I appreciate like you'll never believe. Smile

Done WIth It's picture

Submitted by Done WIth It on Mon, 04/11/2011 - 10:16pm

dtzybind...I hope you give your MIL a certificate for a message or where she gets her hair or nails done. If she doesn't do any of that stuff, then a gift certificate to a yummy place to eat or at the grocery store. She is doing you a huge huge huge favor and I kinda feel you owe her one.

Good Good Mama in Law!!!!