So, I got a call from my little brother a few weeks back. His wife has left him & their child to be with someone else. A bit of history: They've been married for 11 years. She left once before, about 3 years ago. She started on some kind of anti-anxiety meds & 3 weeks later she told him she wanted to separate. They'd been trying to have a baby & couldn't get pregant. Growing up, she'd always been the "good" child. She is one of 5 adopted children. All 4 of the others have special needs of some sort, be it physical or mental, & she was expected to pitch in to help care for them. She stayed gone for about 2 months. She came off her meds. They went to counseling a few times. She came back. Just before Christmas of 2008, they finally had a baby together. Things were going really well. As my brother stated, "I woke up every morning feeling so blessed with the perfect family. My wife is beautiful & affectionate. She loves me & I love her. We have the perfect child. I have a good job. We have a home. She doesn't have to work. She's able to go to school & take classes she enjoys. Things are really really good". Then one night she got out of the shower & plopped down next to him on their bed & told him she wanted a divorce. She didn't want to do anything to try to fix anything. He's the best husband she could ever dream of having. He's the best father she could ever hope to have for her son. Their 11 years together have been the happiest years of their life, but she wanted a divorce.

She is very much into sci-fi stuff. She dresses up & goes to conventions every year. She reads all the books, watches all the movies, etc. This seems to be where her hang-up is. She says that because my brother doesn't take the interest in sci-fi like she does, she needs someone else...someone she has more in common with. It turns out she has already found that someone else. She found him when their son was 1 year old. My brother is a high school shop teacher. She runs a daycare out of their home. She keeps 2 baby girls & her son. My brother would get home from school around 3:30pm & she would leave for the night to have "adult" time with the girls, only it turns out she was having "adult" time with this other guy. He had a studio apartment in uptown. 2 weeks ago he moved into a 1-bedroom around the corner from his old one. this is where my SIL will be living with him after their divorce is final. She told my brother that out of respect for the sanctity of their marriage, she is waiting to live with him until their divorce is final. Of course, her rings came off her finger the day she made her announcement, & she has been seeing guy & who-knows-whating with him for about 9 months now.

I have talked to my brother several times since his initial call 3 weeks ago. When she told him she wanted the divorce, she told him he can have the house (which they are upside down in debt for due to the crappy market). He can have physical custody of their son. She plans to make the hour drive to & from her parents every day to continue daycare out of what is now his home through December. This is the time she wants to spend with her son. She is living with her parents, in their condo, on a chaise lounge in their dining room & wants nothing from their marriage. She's given back her rings, the cedar chest he made for her inscribed, "To SIL, my eternal love" & then has their wedding date on it. She gave back the ring he'd given her for their 10th anniversary. And...she gave back the ring he gave her for her first mother's day. Why would she not keep that one???

They are filing uncontested, but the law says that to do it this way, they both have to be represented by separate lawyers. She chose to hold the first one they went to. She charges $3000, which SIL assumed my brother would pay 1/2 on. His lawyer is partners with hers but only charged my brother $700 & told him he will likely see some of it back. Her parents, her lawyer, & my brother have all told her she's making a big mistake. They worry there is something about the meds she's taking that isn't jiving with her brain, but she won't hear it. My brother has already determined that there is too much damage done for him to be able to take her back again, even if she does even out.

My brother has found all of this guy's information online. He knows the address, the phone number, he's located his facebook page & has spoken with a couple of people who know him. He knows the forums he has put together but no one has commented on in 3+ years, yet continues to post on himself. SIL is 33. This guy is 47 & scrapes by making sci-fi costumes & what he calls "genuine replica Han Solo swords". He left his wife & 2 kids (3 & 5 at the time) 10 years ago. He hasn't seen them since. He wants nothing to do with any of them. He wants nothing to do with my nephew. He doesn't want to meet him (THANK GOD!).

In the state of Minnesota there is no mandatory separation period. His lawyer will have their papers drawn up & they will go sign on April 5th. Their divorce should be final 3-6 weeks from then. He will have physical custody. There will be no visitation written into the agreement, so it will be at his discretion. She doesn't want alimony. He doesn't want child support. She doesn't have anything to give anyway.

My brother has completely re-done the house. He's painted every room. He's gotten rid of every piece of bedroom & living room furniture down to the lamps & curtains & has turned it into a man-house for him & his son. He said that yesterday when he got home from work & SIL was getting ready to leave the house, she'd gone through his garbage & pulled out the $4 trash can they got for the bathroom when they got married. My brother had thrown it away because the daycare kids had peed on it & it had all kinds dog hair & bathroom lint stuck on it. She asked if she could take it for their new apartment. He told her as long as he knew there was urine on it, he had no problem letting her & her new man have it in their place. }:)

I don't really know where I'm going with all of this. I worry about my brother & my nephew. I am across the country from them & have yet to meet my nephew. I know he can handle it. He's an incredible dad. They love playing together. My brother has a side business restoring antique motorcycles & cars. Since this has all been going on, he's thrown himself into it. He had one of his motorcycles published on the cover of "The Horse" (a big motorcycle magazine) recently & is working on another one. My nephew has a little tikes motorcycle & his own set of tools & they fix their bikes together. My brother feels like he's "damaged goods" & that no woman will want to be with him because of it. He's the strong parent, though. I know they'll be fine.

I just thought I'd post about it here. I know it's jumbled. I thought it'd help clear some of it out of my head, & I keep thinking about how familiar the story is to many of us, given the stories our DH's have about the breakups with the BM's.