Over reacting?
We are in a custody battle with the mother of my husband's children. My husband and she currenlty share 50/50 custody, but the logistics of the situation are not working out.
In addition, she has felt like a very intrusive force in our marriage. Whatever she say's "goes" because she holds the trump card--his kids.
The bottom line is that I do no want her coming to our home with the kids when neither my husband or myself is there. I have made this clear to her and to my husband, yet, yesterday he gave her permission to come to our house while we were not there to pick up their belongings. I feel violated. The house was mine before we married and I feel that if I say that she is not to come to my home without my permission that my husband should respect that. He called her back to tell her no, that she couldn't come by and that he would drop the belongings off to her, but she told him "no, I am almost there and I will go ahead and pick them up." He said, "Okay", even though I was staring directly at him and and was totally irate and demanding that she not go. I feel like whatever I want in my relationship with my husband comes second to what his exwife wants, and in this instance it is especially infuriating when it involves one of the only things in our lives that I feel I have ultimate control over; my house.
His excuse is that she "won't go into the house" but will just take the kids--ages 8 and 10 to pick up their stuff. I know my step kids and I know that they can't find things, need help etc. etc. and that they will ask her to come and help them. I seriously doubt that she sits in her car while they are our house searching around. I also know that a lot of times they want to "show" her something, like our new puppy. Add to this that we are in a custody battle and it would be really tempting for her to waltz in and "snoop".
Does anyone out there believe I am totally over reacting?
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Comments
That would give me the
That would give me the heebie-jeebies knowing that BM was in my house without us there....no way would I want that! Your H really needs to get on-board with you. Why does BM need to pick up stuff for the skids at your house anyway???????
Sorry for the confusion.
Sorry for the confusion. Kids are with her, she brings them as a key to get in the house. Kids are not alone
I do not want BM in my house
I do not want BM in my house EVER!! One day she turned the handle on the front door, ready just to walk in and I stopped her right there in her tracks. DH might not have batted an eyelid, he really doesn't care what she does. I do not care what she does iether but just do whatever you do with your life away from our house! DH did call SD later and say that it was a pretty sh1tty thing for her mom to do and the message got accross. We have two BM's and the other one I can get along with nicely, her and her mother come to visit with us and we eat and chat and enjoy the visit. The BM did ask one time if she may stay in our house overnight and everyone was bewildered as to why I said NO! I said a visit is one thing, you are very welcome, but not spending the night here. NO, this is our marital home! DH really is not up to speed with the 'boundaries' thing yet, it's a work in progress and he's seeing things more clearly now. DH is a pacifist by nature and would just give in to keep peace, I am more resolute and I am his priority! I am not unreasonable, not by any means, I just believe that we need not to have that negative energy in our home!
Sorry you are going through
Sorry you are going through that. One time only I let bm come into my home when I first married dh. that ended in disaster. When we moved I refused to even let her on the street let alone my drive way or the house. I made it very clear to them both she was not allowed. Dh knew I meant it b/c I told him I would call the police. That is what I would do if i were you tell the both that if she ever came over when you didn't want her to with being invited by just you then you will call the police and if she does and he says yes then call them! I know it will not be ideal but they both would know you meant what you say!
We actually did call the
We actually did call the police because BM made such a scene outside our house, because things did not go her way.
That would have never gone
That would have never gone well with me. I don't think you are overreating and I would feel totally violated. That has to stop.
She has absolutely NO right
She has absolutely NO right to be in your home. Tell DH that if he doesn't explain to her the boundaries regarding YOUR home... YOU WILL! If she still doesn't get the point, tell her that if she enters your home again, you will have her charged with Trespassing....then DO IT! She does not control you or your home ever. PERIOD! Sorry, these types of Beasts really get me revved up, lol.
Hell no. Repeat: Hell no.
Hell no. Repeat: Hell no. Stop this now. He is an ass for not getting this one. She has no business there. Also, she will snoop. That is a given. I would change locks anything to keep her out.
I found the EX in MY home
I found the EX in MY home just a couple of weeks ago while she was there to pick up SS13. I am positive it isn't the first time it happened!! I was pissed!! I know my DH politely let her know not to do it again but I'm sure she will!! She said she has right to be let into her son's world!! Whatever!!
I feel exactly the way you do!! I felt very violated!! I also felt that DH thought I was overreacting to the situation!!
I hope your DH stands up and does the right thing for you!!
I knew that BM 1 was going to
I knew that BM 1 was going to be arrive at our house before we got home, not long before, and I was fine with that, she's welcome. What also happened is that BM 2 also arrived, coincidentally?? I was livid! DH went ballistic too and BM2 is banned from our property, DH will call the police, he's done so before and she knows he'll do it again. Cowardly b1t@h could not come when we were home eh? Her curiosity got the better of her, or something! We still have to watch what we say in front of SD for words trickling back, manipulated and distorted. It's our perogative that BM 1 and her mom are welcome and BM 2 is not.
Thanks for all of the
Thanks for all of the comments. Just for clarity.. the kids 8 and 10 were not alone in our house. They were with her. We were out at dinner and she insisted to come to our house with the kids to get in to our house in order to pick up some missing items. She claims that she doesn't come in, but sends them into the house to retrieve... But...my feeling is that if the kids invite her to come in and help them "find something" or ask her to come in and see the new puppy, etc. etc. she won't turn them down.
Anyway--we wouldn't leave the kids alone in our house---she brings them as a key!
I'd get a restraining order!
I'd get a restraining order! We might yet get one for BM 2 since she is totally oblivious half the time and just plain stupid the rest. Let her be hauled off to jail for trespass, we've called the police to her before after she threw a tantrum in our front yard. We have full custody of SK's, for six years now, and pick up and drop off is at the bottom of the driveway. Only SD really associates with BM anyhow, occasions are few and far between and SD will be 18 later this year and living on University campus after this semester so she can entertain her mother there if she likes.