Destroy the tape & say nothing.

I go with option B. Then as 3girlsmom said...shower over and over and over. yuk

I read a bunch of letters BM had sent my DH before he and I met. I read them over and over again. It was so apparent how much of a dysfunctional relationship they had that I was relieved to see it with my own eyes. One day I told him "Hey babe, please dump all that crap you brought from your mothers house including all the letters from that retard please."
He immediately knew I had read them, he tossed them and that was that.
If for some reason you feel the need to tell him you saw the tape tell him as a passing comment. "Oh by the way, as I was looking for a good place to stash your gift I came across a very well hidden cassette. I almost went blind when I realized it was a sex tape of you and your ex. I hope you don't mind that I took the liberty of setting it on fire."

True. His reacton would tell all. Either you would be able to tell he had not a clue by having a "look" or he would get all bent out of shape by your discovery. (accidental)

I made the big mistake of finding a VHS tape that DH had in some random box after this miscarriage a few weeks ago and looked at it...

It was a freaking VHS tape of the two of them in the hospital delivery room having their baby. Just what I needed to be looking at. I did tell DH about it and he still keeps it beside the bed in his drawer along with the gazillion pics. Yeah.

There is A picture of me in there. (singular) I took it out.

Holy shit...

If that ever happened to me, I have no idea what I would do. I would not look at him with the same eyes again, thats for sure.

Oh god im getting paranoid now...

When my H and I had been living together for 6 months, we had the ritual Getting Rid of Memories Past - namely to do with BM and any other old flings (for both of us).

H was busy crumpling and tossing a BUNCH of letters that BM had sent him when they were still together. I grabbed one out of the trash.

And read it...boy, did I wish I had never read that! BM telling H how much she enjoyed the first time they had anal.
:jawdrop: :jawdrop: :jawdrop: :jawdrop:
:sick: :sick: :sick: :sick: :sick: :sick: :sick: :sick:

meneran- LOL

Yes, it does "taint" the marriage after seeing/ viewing things such as this. I've never been the same since.

There are other various VHS tapes out there of the 3 of them at their x-mas time, all giving gifts to each other and man does DH look like the fool.

He was so sweet to give those to BM. *cough*

He couldn't just trash them, that would have made him cry or something...

I agee with Luckyduck, admit to finding it, having the curiosity to see what was on it, and ask him to destroy it immediately before you have further nightmares ! I'm so sorry you have to try to erase that from your mind. Men are so visual when it comes to sex, it's no wonder so many bad tapes end up in the wrong hands. You have nothing to be trying to hide, you weren't snooping, it's something that you shouldnt' have had to find anyways.

Before I leave DH. I made up my mind to make an enormous montage of all of them together in one large frame.

DH, BM, SD6, MIL }:) }:) }:) , FIL, MIL #2 (dead, a house fell on her)

You call that a "condolence" gift. (black framed)

I few months ago I was looking for a picture my husband had sent from his phone to his computer...he knew I was in his email getting this picture. So I sorted the email by his phone number so I could just grab it and save it to the computer (it was a cute pic of my SD3 that I was going to include in a photo book we were ordering online)....Well, I opened one - should have looked at the date because I would have known immediately it wasn't the right picture, but I didn't and let's just say I never knew my DH was such a boob man...he has about 10 pictures of some skank's boobs on his compuer.
I was totally grossed out. Still am. And one night, after some quality cocktails, I finally said: You have a bunch of saggy boobie pictures on your computer. I saw them. Oh and one of you making out with the same skank.
He deleted them immediately.

I can't imagine a sex tape...I would tell him. If you are like me you might get mad and it will all come out.

I "oops" found old downloads of BBW's :jawdrop: on DH's PC. Wth is he with me then @ 110 pounds??? :?

DH: "Oh. that was just a phase."

I would say exactly what you said to us on here. Tell him what you were doing, why you did it, you were comfortable to see the tapes and you found one so you watched it. If you keep it in, it will def. come out later. I can't keep things in like that b/c they eat at me and the longer you wait the more annoyed you might be. He shouldn't get mad at the fact you watched a movie, if he does just give him thee old then why were you hiding it in OUR house...hehe. I say tell him b/c holding it in will drive you mad eventually.

Yearrrrrrrrs ago, I had a couple throw away camera's in a dresser drawer and my husband, which was my boyfriend at the time, had a couple throw away camera's too. Well I took them in to be developed and low and behold I see BM's skanky nasty naked body on them. Naked on the bed and some in lingerie. I wanted to puke at the thought. I brought it up to him and he didn't even remember what was on the camera. Needless to say they were torn up and tossed, but I couldn't sit on it, I had to say something. It went ok though. No fight. Just a bad visual burned into my mind for many years.

I would be up front and tell him you found it and skimmed it. Why bother to hide it? A relationship is based on honesty so again why would you bother covering it up? That way you guys can discuss it-as in he can explain that-OMG i did forget all about the disgusting thing-and provide you with reassurances that he never wants to watch the nasty thing and wants the pleasure of destroying it.

I wonder if it would embarrass BM to know that you had it. It sure would me if I had anything like that with an X that might still be in possession of it!

That's blackmail material!

}:)

Its in the past. He probably recognized it and panicked and hid it to save your feelings. Destroy the tape and tell him you found it AFTER you destroy it. If he gets mad, then there's your answer. He'll probably just apologize and say he's sorry it hurt your feelings.

It really doesn't have to be a horrible deal! You have the right to destroy it. You are a powerful woman and deserve to get to destroy it!!

I made the stupid decision to watch the sex tapes of my DH and his XGF when he first moved in with me. They were on his laptop. I still to this day get queasy when it pops into my head. Really if I had to do it over again I would rather gouge my eyes out. It is just something I cant shake. I am haunted by it. Definitely get rid of it. You wont feel better until you know its gone from your home. I wouldnt mention it either....my DH knows I saw his and it doesn't ever make for comfortable conversation and nothing good ever comes of it. Just destroy the tape and dispose of it and then do whatever you can to get it out of your mind.

I would have some fun with this. Tell him when he opens his gift that you could not use the original sock bundle you picked and give him a wink. When he asks you about it tell him you watched the video and were not impressed considering the stuff that you and he manage to accomplish erotically speaking.

Tell him that you put the tape back were you found it and he can either destroy it or you will sell copies of it on XTUBE, YOUPORN or PORNOTUBE. (By the way. I would not know anything about those sites if I had not found them when I checked out my SS-18's browsing history)

I understand how this might be disturbing to you but keep something in mind. BM is his past. That is all of your DH that she will ever have. You are his present and his future and you get the best of him.

My wife and I both have histories that we lived prior to finding each other. Hell, she had a fuck trophy when I met her (the Skid). I have no trophies that I am aware of but my history was far more extensive than hers. She has had 6 lovers and I have had dozens. Neither of us lament the other's past. Those relationships helped make us who we are and the person that the other cherishes. BM may have been a nightmare but she did help make your DH to become the man that he is today. My XW was the ice queen adulterous whore from hell. She helped me appreciate my beautiful bride even more than I would had I not lived 2.5 years of frigid adulterous hell.

Really, have some fun with this. Tease your DH about it, then let it go.

All IMHO of course.

OMG... Before i moved in with my DH.. he told me he was cleaning the whole house of pictures and things of bm..which wasnt much.. she took everything but the kitchen sink. He mentioned it not me. I have to admitt..i dont want to see her pictures around. Its the past not his future. After our honeymoon we got home and it took me 2 weeks to move in with everything that was goin on with work and all so weeks after i moved in i made a comment that i guess he got the pictures out cause i hadnt ran into the first one. WELL, one day after i was goin through the night stand THAT I CAME WITH..so that means my dh had to put his stuff in it and seen a picture of her when she was a cheerleading back in the flippin old days. I had him come see and he said i dont know where that came from.. as he said like i want to see that and have u upset. I said OK. maybe month later i find a album of her and dh only in the laundry room..where i have been since i moved in everyday. I asked him where this came from.. he said he has no clue. He seemed frustrated but i keep moving. Months into our marriage i find more pictures and like in places ive been before and not seen. Its apparent she throw her man away and now that im in the picture she wants him back so she is doin whatever it takes. I cant hardly believe she would come in the house but sadly to say i think she is having her 17 year daughter plant the pictures. I had my first on the phone fuss with her and and told her that she needs to leave us alone that he dont want her and she said he has always loved me and will never stop and the only reason he is with you is because he cant trust me. by the way she cheated on him a bunch towards the end of the their 22 year marriage. I busted out and said he hasnt been wanting you since he met me. she said yes he took me to the beach and bought me swimsuit and i said whats the date you went.. i knew he didnt but i wanted to hear her. She said 2 years ago..so i got done with this call and was destroyed. It hurt just to hear her! I asked him about trip and he said he did NOTHING with her after he met me.
PROMISE you it was 2 days later.. in his night stand again was a receipt and another picture of her in his drawer. The receipt showed the date on the beach trip and how many stayed in room.
I couldnt believe it... she had managed to try and prove to me he cheated me on with her. I was only upset that whoever is putting the crap in our house has to stop. WE changed the locks and watch who we give the code to garage door too now but this woman has haunted me from day one and its been 5 years . OH the date on the receipt was way before i even met my dh so that was a waste for her.
Reason im saying this is the ex wants you to see pictures and videos and be hurt and in hopes u run away but it could be planted there! NEVER KNOW!
Good luck getting over that... im not sure i would. I found one video of his bm and told him to put it somewhere i cant be near it and he throw it in trash right then. Its been and still is a battle with bm but ive come to realize she is very jealous of me and i have to take it for what it is.
I wouldnt allow any pictures to be around the bm...if the kids want them..different story..let them but he needs to keep her past with him in box somewehre else or do as my dh did and throw them away unless it had the kids in it and he gave them to the kids then. Its your life with him now and opening drawer and seeing the ex isnt the life to share with him. my opinion..

It sounds like a majority of the women here are normal and as curious as the next.....so, as a therapist, I'd tell you to tell him exactly what you told us. Children, sex, and money are three things that can get under our skin...and it will come out when you least want it to, i.e., during a fight. Just ask him to sit and talk for a minute about it. You trust him, so you should trust he would believe that you were NOT snooping, unless you've done it before.....when it comes to those areas--its better just to shoot straight. You might be surprised at how he responds.......