Parenting schedule proposal....
Hi everyone, you all have such vast experiences with blended families that I need to tap into it prior to writing a "new" parenting arrangement proposal for my fiancee (I am the secretary of the family. hahaha)
He was divorced in 2008 and really was just going with the flow, but now he is interested in finding more balance with the parenting arrangement. Basically, BM and he have joint residential custody with BM being primary (state of florida). HE (we) have the kids (two girls) EOWE plus 2 weeks in summer and alternating holiday.
Fiancee works 6 days a week (mon-sat) he is required to work one full week until from 6am - 10pm at least (mostly during the summer months). This work schedule makes it difficult for him to spend "quality" time with the kids, so we talked and we thinking of modifing the parenting schedule with BM and him (no court, only to file the final decision - of course). However, it would be nice to have the kids 50/50 with no CS exchanged, but if that is not possible it's good with us just 50/50 (with CS) or maybe something like we get them during winter months (when work schedule is less demanding) and less at other times.
We tend to feel that BM will go for a new schedule because "her alone time" is invaluable and as far as she is concerned it is her required time alone not fiancee parenting time. (totally another blog).
I don't know really how it would all work we live (own) approximately 17 miles away from BM (rental) and it's a separate school district.
I'm curious to learn when you have 50/50 custody what's the distance both parents live from each other?
I also would to know what schedules you have like mon-wed with EOWE or ....
Thanks!
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well my dh's schedule is very
well my dh's schedule is very flexible as he works overnight where we live, but some nights he doesnt work (hes salary paid as well) or whatever. Him and BM (have 'agreed' to this schedule, its not official yet, and they havent started doing it) He already has EOWE, and they agreed to the weekends he doesnt have sd, he would have sd wed-fri (on school nights). So it wouldnt be 50/50, but its getting closer. 8 nights a month instead of 4.
*edit* forgot to add this: and in the paper work, bm agreed to stating it would be 50/50 joint custody, with her being the primary. DH is going to keep the CS amount the same because she is agreeing to not try to get back child support (which would only be 6 months worth, but it will be worth it so they dont have to go to court again and waste more $$) DH's child support amount is only 268 a month, so its not a big burden to us. How would your BM feel if child support was to stop? BM here would flip out, so that's why he is agreeing to keeping it the same, so they are giving and taking a little. and its not some astronomical amount, and we dont have her more than BM does, or I know dh wouldnt agree to keep it the same.
& BM and DH only live about 5 minutes away from each other, and sd's school is only 3 miles away from DH, AND BM doesnt have a car, so im not sure how she is going to get sd to school, dh might take her dunno yet, school starts next week.
how far away do you live from
how far away do you live from each other?
Great advice!
Great advice!
i think it *might* be
i think it *might* be workable, if both parties are on good terms and communicating with the other. It will take alot more compromising and communication, especially if your DH would have the kids during the school week. 17 miles isnt that far, especially for school, when i rode the bus in high school, it would take 45 minutes to get there with all the stops and such and i was the 1st stop (my school was about 15 miles away from my house).
blendedfam...yes we discussed
blendedfam...yes we discussed this with BM several times, my fiancee schedule is very flexible during the winter months (december - march), so we were attempting to make it easier for everyone (including BM). And YES she is more interested in alone time than time with her kids. At the present time, she doesn't really spend that much time with kids when she does have them - - they spend time with family and friends (including a lot of overnights). BM spends most of her time (75%) with her boyfriend. Mostly without the kids, but at times she does as she say "lug them along".
She actually has said on several occasions that she would keep one and we can keep the other. We still don't know if that is a good option or not. Of course, she wants to keep the one that doesn't have issues (mostly emotional and behavior issues) but to us it doesn't matter as long as the children are happy. This could be an option...we just aren't sure if it's the best option.
I feel the child with the emotional issues needs her mother more than the other child, but every time we talk to BM she NEVER has her. She is always somewhere else, she usually is with the one with no issues. Including vacations, time with her boyfriend, girls friends, etc. she is hardly ever with the one that needs her the most. Or mostly always without either.
Our goal though is to make it easier on my fiancee with his schedule and on the kids...he really really wants to spend time with them but it's very difficult with his work schedule. BM is willing to work with us as long as we give her plenty of time to herself.
BTW...my relationship with BM
BTW...my relationship with BM is good (not great) but good. We talk about once or twice a week about the kids. She is interested and open to a change in schedule if it benefits her of course. Our proposal will be presented as a starting point to discussion and we can modify as needed depending on her needs and if that meets with ours.
We are actually asking (proposing) for MORE TIME not less, so she is very receptive to this.
BF and BM have a 50/50
BF and BM have a 50/50 schedule that is every other week. BF and I live about 15 miles from BM, and it is a different school district. For preschool/daycare SS goes in the town BM lives in since that is where he has been going since he was a baby. When SS starts kindergarten he will also go to school in the town BM lives. Drop offs and pick ups are done at the preschool/daycare with no interaction between BM and BF. I think the arrangement works quite well.
My fiance's schedule with the
My fiance's schedule with the kids is confusing from the outside, but it really works for us, and equals 50/50. DF was a manager with a set schedule that alternated every other week when visitation was determined. Now he has a daytime job, but this schedule still works. So ours goes like this: Monday and Friday Saturday Sunday one week, then Tuesday Wednesday Thursday the following week. This equals out to 7 days out of 14, so 50/50. It is also nice for us because we don't ALWAYS have the kids on one certain day -- so if something comes up like a class we want to take (not kid-friendly) or a play or performance on a certain night, we can usually figure out which week to go on. Plus the kids are in a few little sports/activities, so both parents get to take them on alternating weeks. We alternate holidays as well.
Your fiance's schedule does seem like it will be very difficult. I would say that you should focus on a schedule that will let him see the kids more often during his slower work season, but make sure it is very feasible and reasonable, and that the kids will actually get to see their dad on those days. I think adding a few nights a week for two months or so would be a good compromise. Keep in mind that they would need transportation to school if the one they go to is not in your resident's school district.
Thanks for the advice. I just
Thanks for the advice. I just spoke with BM and she said she is open to anything we come up with.
There is a higher power that is looking after me and of course, my fiancee.
If anyone else, has more specifics on what has worked for them I would greatly appreciate it.
I know his work schedule is crazy, but if he sees the kids more rather than less and actually spends time with them, rather like it is now that I spend all the time with them, that would be ideal.
We are def considering a seasonal schedule. From November through March it's xyz and from April - October it's xyz. I think that is the only way this will make any sense.
As far as school, that is the most difficult part because we live 17 miles away....
Not sure how to solve that, I think BM should move closer to us since we own and she doesn't but that is NOT going to happen. As I said - we have a good relationship not a great one me and BM.
I think most people would say
I think most people would say that if you are trying to change the parenting schedule, then you need to make accommodations (or have it figured out) for getting the kids to school. Any judge would say that changing schools if it's not necessary (as you mentioned with having BM move closer to you) would be detrimental to the kids and they wouldn't rule in favor of that. I believe you will have to figure out a transportation method to get them to school and back to your house on those days, if you are trying to get that custody of them. I know 17 miles seems far to you if you live in a big city, but to me that doesn't seem like much. I have had students that travel over 20 miles to go to school, that live in rural areas.