I am just feeling beat down, run down and torn up. I am so exhausted with trying. Things have never gone well with the step kids. Things are tense with me and DH. He wants an easy way out. I just want a happy family for my boys... with or with out him...On top of out relationship issues we are facing bankrupcy, maybe even forlcosure on our house and of course it is all my fault because I used credit cards to make up for our lack of income when we did not have enough to get by. I pick up the over time when I can. I feel DH does nothing to help us out of our finacnical jam...I admit it was a mistake to use the credit cards but I kept thinking we could manage, things would get better, one of us would eventually make more money...intead thihngs got worse, and I now make less. We can' keep up with morgage, his damn child support, insurance, utilities and gorceries, let alone medical bills and credit cards, so I used the credit cards for medical expenses, clothign that we needed, xmases past, bithdays past, gorceries, gas in our vehicles, and our utilities..now we have no credit left and a huge debt and my husband blames this all on me. All I was trying to do was to keep us afloat, to keep us suffering and only made matters worse...He will never understand this. I feel so hurt and broken over this because he makes it soudn like I just went nuts shopping for myself with the credit cards...lets see dear who put expenses for a hobby car on the credit card and a 1957 chevy for SD15 on the credit card...not me dear husbadn that was you..i used it to clothe, feed and keep us warm...ALL of us i godforsaken children too and our children...what else was i suppoesd to do, i would tell him we needed mor money and he would tell me to figure it out...
on top of all this work is stressful, we have head lice courtesy of SD15 and I am getting sick again because I am so run down it doesn;t take much for me to get sick...I was hoping to get off work but they can't find a replacement for me tonight so I will have to work sick...which I am used to but now I get to expose someone at work who is being released from teh hospital today after heart surgery to my germs...its like everything in my life is a mess right now an all i want to do is go in my room, shut the door and cry myself to sleep so my little boys dont see my tears of worry then wake up tomorrow and start a bradn new day focussing on what to do about DH and our problems...Right now he is more of a problem than whack job BM is...I don't want this family life filled with anger for my boys but I also do not want to share custody with him and leave our boys to fend for themselves under his lack of care and lack of supervision he calls being a DAD...I do not want their life like my step kids life, nor do I want my life to continue the way it is. I wish someone would knock some sense into my husbadn so he can see what he is about to lose and give a damn enough to change for the better for all our sake...