sad, alone, and dont know what to do
So today i was logged onto my b/fs yahoo messenger by accident and realized that his ex has beed emailing him all day. I have no idea what they're talking about because i cant get into his email. I just saw the message that pops up evertytime he gets an email. I asked him about and he said they're just talking about the girls and her broken rib...
I just get so upset when they talk. Its a totally differnt expirence for me dealing with this women all the time. Its not like b/f g/f stuff where when you break up you never talk to them again or when your married and dont have kids. They did have kids so they have to keep in contact in reguards to them. But she calls all the time and emails him constantly. Its like they're not even sepearted. I dont really know how im suppose to feel about it. I dont know what to say to him without him getting mad. I just get super jealous and i dont know how keep my feelings to myself.
Also, I'm trying to detach myself from the girls. When my b/f leaves for iraq i will have no contact with the girls at all for 18 months or longer. And its not fair for me or the girls to suffer while hes away. We get the girls every wed night and one weekend out of the month and i think during these times when they're around i will remove myself from the situation. I dont know if this is the best approch but if anyone knows of anything i can do that seems better...please let me know.
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I know the feeling
I HATE it when they talk. Which is the main reason why I "befriended" BM. Now, as annoying as it gets.. she calls me instead of him... even for stupid things like last night telling me that SS like Chinese Food... um yeah I already knew that because WE feed him more than just McDonalds Happy Meals.
Have you told DH that the emails bother you? MY DH got ONE email before I put a stop to it. We both have blackberry's so emails come through instantly, its not like we see that she emailed when we get home, kick our shoes off and check our email... we know immediatly. We were at an amusement park and let me tell you... I was NOT amussed! When he saw how angry it made me that she was emailing him... he told her to stop, she had our JOINT email address and she could use that one. She went to some lengths to find his personal one too, as it was intentionally NOT given to her for this very reason. She was angry and hurt, but she never did it again. I WON!
I've tried befriending
I've tried befriending her..i've sent her little pictures on myspace and she totally flipped out on my boyfriend. She called mee all sorts of names and such. Then she emailed me back and totally bitched me out. She told him that i would never ever be anything to her girls and to stop telling them that i will take them places... its such a hard situation cuz here i am with the love my life and im trying to accept his children as my own and his ex is so against it.
My boyfriend knows i get mad when they talk to eachother. But he doesnt seem to care. Theres no way i can make the emails stop or the phone calls. I wish there was a rule for phone calls strickly for the girls sake. I dont care if shes sick, she doesnt feel well... what does she want my boyfriend to do about it right? If the girls are sick thats a different story...cuz they're apart of his life. She is no longer in the picture so she shouldnt be calling about herself. I just hope im not sounding like a bitch. I hope that others agree with what i have to say so i dont feel like im the one whose wrong...
Agree
Okay..I've been reading on this site for a long time, daily, think I've only blogged once or twice. But it seems to me that the thing that bothers most of the most is the unnecessary contact with the BM (ex). It drives me nuts too with my BF. I have tried to just let is pass..but it is so hard to do. Our BF just don't understand...they say they have to keep contact..yes they do, but about the kids, or try to condense the calls or e-mails into 1 a day even. My BF says if he makes her mad then she will shut down and she is his only link into what is going on with his girls when he doesn't have them. And I can see his point, but I know a lot of the calls start with the kids, but end up personal. I liked it better when they hated each other's guts..and every time they talked they fought...now they get along better.
I don't know what we can do ladies, I don't live with BF so I do not feel that I can say much about it. But he knows it bothers me. So your not alone on this one.
Wish I had an answer for you.
I feel for you
Your situation has got to be hard and very stressful. My question to you is are you and bf getting along besides the x issues? And do you plan to be "with" him during his deployment and after? Because I don't think that you should remove yourself from the girls if your answer here is "yes" You should be there with him, and enjoy the time you guys have together before he has to go. There is a chance he is talking to her so much because he wants to keep the lines open, I am sure he is stressed at the thought of leaving you and the girls too and wants to leave on the best note possible with the bm. He might be afraid of losing the girls and sees the communication wtih her as a means to keep in touch. I would talk to him and tell him that filling you in on the conversations with the x would make you feel more included in the family you are building with him.
we plan on getting married
we plan on getting married this month or next...sometime before he leaves for iraq.
If you are going to be married...
don't give up what time you have with those girls before he goes. You are their family too, and stepping out of the picture will stress you out more I think. Any chances that the bm will allow some kind of visitation while he is gone, with you or other family? I think you need to talk to your fiance, because the fact is when he gets back and he resumes visitation, you will be there. The girls are young still for it may not be as hard on them as it is the adults, I am sure they will miss dad, but it is better to show you are a team with him right til he goes to both the kids and bm. Who knows maybe she will come around...fingers crossed and toes to. My thoughts are with you..and CONGRATS on getting married!!!!!!