OH Contacting a lawyer & thinking about playing his trump card
OH & I had a chat last night & he's setting up a meeting for the new year to get the wheels moving with regards to his divorce (yay!) He was also talking about the house that BM is still living in but he's paying for & it getting sold. He wants to get BMs name off the deeds as she's never contributed financially to it, but as it won't make a difference to what might be ordered in a divorce settlement I don't think it's worth the hassle as there's far more important things to want her to compromise on (like refusing to have any work doing up the place done whilst she's living there!)
He then mentioned his trump card that he could play with her - he's 99% sure he's not SS10's biological father. He has told me this before, but that he sees SS as his own as he's raised him since birth. I pointed out that whilst this might mean he gets off the financial hook he would have to be prepared to possibly never see SS again.
I don't know what to feel about all this. There's a huge part of me that wishes he didn't have so much baggage, and knowing that BM couldn't interfere in our lives any more would be great, but I've bonded with SS now, and although he drives me mad at times I do kinda enjoy spending time with him. Also, I don't really get why he hung around in the first place & didn't ask for a paternity test just after SS was born - I'm worried it's become about the money for him, and if so then what does this say about the man?
Help!
- Storm76's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
You just opened the flood
You just opened the flood gates girl. Buckle up.
"If you don’t adapt and look within yourself, you’ll just keep wading in that stagnant poisonous pool of stepparent hell." author: BitchBitchBarbie
LMAO...how many times have
LMAO...how many times have we all been over this issue, huh? haha
"I child proofed my whole house, but they STILL get in!"
ouch---Personally, I don't
ouch---Personally, I don't think DH should play the trump card. He has been SS dad for 10yrs now. That will devestate SS to now not have him in life. My DH is pretty sure that SD19 is not his biologically. BM has threatened time and time again to tell her this (empty threat as would hurt her more) and has thrown in DH face whenever she could. DH doesn't care. He raised that girl, loved her, treated as own. She is his daughter. One day it will probably come out, and I think SD will acutally respect him more for all crap he put up with w/BM when not even his responsibility legally.
I don't think he should
I don't think he should either - if he's had these doubts all of SS's life then why throw it up now? It will just hurt SS10, hurt his family as they'll lose out on time with SS and be a complete nightmare to be honest
If he's on the birth
If he's on the birth certificate, he's going to be financial responsible for that boy regardless.
He won't be financially
He won't be financially responsible if the paternity test is done and parental status is established at the time of the filing. He is now the presumed father, but does have the option of pursuing the paternity test and negating that. If he chooses to not pursue the PT, then he will be on hook for CS, regardless if he tries later to deny paternity.
Also, as the presumed father for the last ten years, he does have some rights. Even if the paternity test is negative, he has an established relationship with the child, and is entitled to visitation with the child if he chooses to pursue. This is based on my experiences with FH. He is not the BD of OSD, but has court documents outlining custody and visitation.
I don't see it as him being concerned about money so much as he is trying everything he can to get his divorce finalized.
You are in the UK so I don't
You are in the UK so I don't know the laws there, but most states here you have to contest paternity in the first year, otherwise you are the legal, putative father (meaning he held the boy out as his son, the boy is bonded, so unless there is the bio dad requesting rights, he will still be financially and legally responsible). Trust me, I know all about it!
"I child proofed my whole house, but they STILL get in!"