You are here

woman slapping men and calling them stupid, the psychological damage?

sterlingsilver's picture

Submitted by sterlingsilver on Fri, 04/19/2013 - 9:34am

Last evening dh and I were cuddling and I accidently whacked him on the head when I was rearranging my arms, he flinched noticeably. I have noticed over the years with him that if I get close to his head or face he moves away or flinches. I asked him out of the blue why he does that? He told me his xw used to whack him over the head all the time and called him stupid and dumb idiot, etc. He said she always said she's gonna knock some sense into him someday. I asked him about how many times in the 20 yr marriage he had with her did she do that (in my mind I am thinking maybe 5 or 6 times) and he said several times every night. maybe up to thousands of times. He said it was very demeaning and hurtful. Since meeting dh I always give him back rubs at night and am a very touchy/feely kind of person, I would never slap anyone. My kids never got spankings and the worst I did to my xh was accidently throw something and it hit him. Anyhow it just shocked me that a big burley football player like DH would let a woman hit him around. It hurt so much to hear him tell me that. He actually got tears in his eyes when he told me. So what I am wondering is, have any of you heard of this and what can I do, if anything? He told me that she also slapped the boys around daily but not as much as him. She always told him he was stupid and retarded. It made me so angry towards her. How has this affected him and the boys psychologically? I wonder.

Comments

Elizabeth's picture

Submitted by Elizabeth on Fri, 04/19/2013 - 9:56am

I feel for your DH. I am the same way, and I feel bad about it. I have a brother only one year older than me, and we lived in the middle of nowhere and had no playmates but each other until we started school. My brother was a pretty rowdy boy. He used to randomly hit me upside the head (hard) when he passed me, so I got to where I didn't like to have people stand near me. I didn't trust them. He also used to hold me down and cover my mouth and nose with his hand (as a joke). To this day I can't stand to have anybody touch my face, and if they hold their hand there for more than a second I flip out. I have to get away. To this day I have nightmares about drowning and suffocating.

It's a shame. There's not much your DH can do to overcome this in my opinion. Just be patient with him and understand where it is coming from. My DH sometimes thinks I am acting ridiculous because he just wants to be affectionate to me and touch my face, but I can't handle it.

Jmom's picture

Submitted by Jmom on Fri, 04/19/2013 - 9:56am

Me and DH discuss this all the time; how some women will hit a man because she knows he won't hit her back. She'd better be glad she didn't run up on my ex . . I bet she'd never hit anyone else. Just terrible. I really don't like your BM right now!

sterlingsilver's picture

Submitted by sterlingsilver on Fri, 04/19/2013 - 10:12am

I know, this info made my hatred for her even deeper. She has not seen ss16 for 3 or so years and has abandoned him. Moms that abandon their kids seem to me to have huge issues that I cannot understand. Maybe I am naive but those moms need serious help.

bearcub25's picture

Submitted by bearcub25 on Fri, 04/19/2013 - 10:24am

My DSO also flinches if I'm just playing around. He is too much of a he man to admit it but I would guarantee BM would hit him. I know she would verbally assault him b/c thats how she is.

Kilgore SMom's picture

Submitted by Kilgore SMom on Fri, 04/19/2013 - 11:03am

I have a nephew that was abuse that way also name calling basically manipulated into believing he couldn't make it with out this person. It destroyed his self esteem and took me and my sister years to talk him into leaving that women. My nephew is a big guy that with a man going toe to toe he's bad ass. So for her to have done that to him was sad to see. Now shes raising their son and has totally messed his mind up. She has bi-polar. With a very high I.Q.. One of the best lieing manipulative people I've ever came across. They can destroy people.

sterlingsilver's picture

Submitted by sterlingsilver on Fri, 04/19/2013 - 2:59pm

Thanks ladies for all your responses. I know this can be a very touchy subject for our guys and when DH finally told me last night for the first time last night after being with him for 4 years I was very amazed. It's not easy for big tough guys to share vulnerable things like that. I think woman who hit their men and boys must have some serious bullying characteristics, using words and slapping to get those around them to do what they want them to do, to keep them in that lower place to control them.