I can't stand seeing my husband this upset
Our oldest son 19 has really made some poor choices in the past year. He spends his money as fast as he makes it & then some. He easily netted about $17,000 from July of last year to now & has spent it all, plus he maxed out his credit card $2,500 +. To help him we took away his credit card, & monitored his bank accounts. SS19 was doing pretty good at getting his debt down, or so we thought.
We noticed that he was using a new iPod. We asked him where he got it from. He changed banks on a promotion. We asked him if that meant he also had a new credit card. He said no & even gave us his wallet to check.
This is where I got angry. It was all symantics. No he doesn't have a new card because it hadn't arrived in the mail yet. Though he had cancelled his other & filled out all the needed paperwork to transfer his old balance onto the new card. So on Friday when a credit card envelope came through in the mail & it wasn't mastercard. I thought it was just another promotion. I opened it like I do for all credit card offers to shred it I was shocked to see that this one already had a balance of $600 on it.
I informed my husband & then went out as planned. Hubby called SS19 told him to come home, he thought I'd be home. I missed the discussion, but I was steamed. I told my husband that I wanted him out for the week because I was so angry, he said okay. He has several friends that he stays over at their place on a regular basis without giving us the heads up. I called SS19 & told him to come home & pick up what he would need for the week. He didn't come home, he didn't call.
It's Sunday today, my husbands is so upset & worried that he hasn't been sleeping. Thinking that the worst could have happend to him. He called SS19 & met him at his work. He told SS19 that he can't think of anything else to do because he doesn't want to start to hate him with all his dishonesty & sneakiness.
He came home, he had been crying. From what I could tell crying hard, & all I can think now is it's all because of me & my no nonsense way of doing things that things are right now. I feel like I'm some sort of scourge on this family. What have I done?
- Sherrylyn's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Sherrylyn don’t be so hard
Sherrylyn don’t be so hard on yourself…I don’t think that your husbands emotions were b/c of your way of handeling the situation…that may be a small part of it but the larger issue is that he cannot take his own son at his word…a man’s word is all he has and I’m sure he feels that he went wrong somewhere in parenting him to have him be able to look him in the eye and tell a bold faced lie…just assure your husband that it is not the fault of either of you (if your husband is having any feelings of guilt…) I know that you you’re your husband have raised him to be more responsible than he is being right now…but at this point your stepson is a grown man and needs to take more responsibility for his life and his decisions…if he wants to screw up his credit, don’t bail him out when the poo hits the fan! You can only help people who want to be helped, you guys tried and he found a way to screw his self up again but that is what he choose…and he will live to regret messing up his credit when he settles into manhood and wants to buy a car or a home and gets hit with a sky high interest rate…tell him up front, hey you can let us help you now b/c we are not gonna help you later (i.e. no co-signing b/c you can’t get credit on your own…) Nonetheless….its your son…you both love him and want what’s best for him…maybe better for him than he wants for himself…all you’ve done is tried to show a little tough love…it hurts in the beginning but in the end it is ALWAYS the best way for situations like these! You are not a scourge on his family, don’t let yourself forget that you stepped in and helped him establish a stable home for his boys when their own mother wouldn’t! Everything you are doing is out of love for your husband and your sons and I’m sure your husband knows that! Just be there to listen to your husband and keep being supportive and loving...
Thanks Nise
I understand what you're saying, & truely it is how I would want to teach life lessons. Often the hard way is best. It's just so hard to see my husband go through the grinder emotionally. He even says he doesn't know how else to deal with the constant lying.
My husband is a bit of a soft touch. When our son started looking at cars I told him only if he could get a loan without a cosigner, but somehow a few months later he had a car because my husband cosigned on the car loan. He wants to give the benefit of doubt all the time & do for his children like his father did for him.