I can't stand this kid... And I'm not the only one!
My SD10 is one of the worst kids I've ever met. When I met SO I felt like he just excused, excused, excused EVERYTHING. Well, last month I had enough. Enough of her bad attitude and behavior. Enough of my SO being a class-a jerk. Enough of everything. So I said to myself I will give it a month. The change in my SO has been crazy! He must have been able to sense just how close to the edge I was.
We did not get a break from SD10 this weekend and on top of that if you read back in my blog you still see we had no alone time last week because he "wanted her to do things with us" so he kept her out of school. She has spent the entire weekend in trouble. Granted with SO trouble means 5 minutes of her being all sad for being called out followed by goodies and candy. But he's progressing. And she did get in real trouble several times. Including BIG trouble this morning. She didn't even get to come in my room to watch her cartoons on my tv! Which is generally EVERY day. I have never seen SO so fed up and frustrated. And while I would never wish he would feel badly its nice that he's finally facing her behavior. I think he's always had someone there that he could put stuff off on. His mom lived with him to help take care of her before he moved it with me. And once I disengaged HE HAD to deal with her. He even woke up 30 minutes early to make sure to get her off to school on time.
I even felt encouraged to say my frustrations with her and tell him some of the things she has said/done to me. Its nice to be heard. Its nice to have this bad behavior corrected. Its nice to have him on my side sometimes. I'm guessing he will make sure BM takes her for her 1 days this weekend because we BOTH need a break.
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Comments
SD should not be coming into
SD should not be coming into your bedroom PERIOD unless it's an emergency. I find that children are territorial. She is basically "marking her territory" in every room that she's allowed to have free reign in.
It's good that biodad is starting to have some boundaries, but at ten years old, without a complete and CONSISTENT turn around by biodad, it will do NO GOOD!
Beware the "I'm too tired to discipline SD; I don't want to discipline her everytime she's here b/c I don't see her that often; If I keep discipliniing her she won't want to come over" thrown in with "SM should not discipline skids b/c those aren't her children" crap.
Yeah we are working on
Yeah we are working on boundaries. She even takes my clothes. And I get the, "She's not yours you can't discipline her" That's when I disengaged and said he could deal with her behavior. It only took a few times of him cleaning up her pee for that behavior to get addressed. But as far as the rest, he has full custody and we have her all but at most a couple days a month.
Exactly the same attitude I
Exactly the same attitude I had from my DH when SDs were younger, ie I was not "allowed" to discipline them. I did what you did and disengaged, have remained so for the last 8 years! However, being disengaged does not mean you have to stay silent when your boundaries are being violated by her taking your clothes. I agree with Auteur about the territory marking thing - SDs do not come in our bedroom.