Guess What Kids? We're Moving but Someone Else told you
So, we are in the process of buying a house. We found a house that is almost absolutely perfect and it is within budget. The kids will each have their own room, hell, we will all have our own floor. There is a fourth room for a baby if we decide to have one. It's on two acres out in the woods, fenced in back yard, the only thing it doesn't have is a garage. This house is perfect and the kids will still go to the same school so nothing changes there and they don't have friends in our neighbhorhood now, in fact we have been here two years and I know none of the neighbors. It's very odd.
Anyway, all good things and we were waiting until we were certain the deal would go through before telling them so as not to get their hopes up only to crush them if it fell through. Anyway, my mom has been telling me that we need to tell the kids so they have a say in whether we move or not.
We are renting a dump right now that is too small, is falling apart, and hasn't been taken care of. We will be moving to a house that we actually own, is twice the size, and is better in every conceivable way. Why should we make the kids feel like they have a say in this matter since they don't?
Well, my mom's best friend is a counselor and my mom just llluuuuuuvvvesss this woman, thinks she's the greatest counselor in the world. This woman has opened her mouth and told me how long I should hold off sleeping with DH when we were dating, how long we should wait until we meet the kids, how long we should wait until the kids meet each other, how long we should wait to get married, whether we should have a baby together or not, etc. All unsolicited by the way. This woman called me last week and asked how I was doing on my new medication and she asked what else was new so I told her about the house. She randomly came to visit my mom this weekend. She lives four hours away and just randomly comes to visit with no warning, sometimes doesn't even call on the way, just shows up in the driveway which I think is strange in and of itself.
Anyway, she texted me yesterday saying she was coming up and wanted to see the house and I told her I didn't have time this weekend and we didn't have possession anyway and I sent her a text saying DD9 didn't know about it yet but when I picked DD9 up from my moms house I am told (after being there 10 minutes) that this friend had told DD9 about the house and there is my mom piping up about how she has been saying all along I should have told DD9 so she can have a say in it.
In the past few weeks my mother has expressed how she does not like how we hadn't told the kids about the house, she has expressed how she doesn't like how I am handling my MS diagnosis, and she doesn't like how we are planning the family trip to Disney World this summer. I have had a belly full of her criticisms this week.
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The thing about the house
The thing about the house that ticks me off the most is that this is not a big, interstate move. We are moving all of 6 miles away from where we currently live, they won't be moving away from friends, they will be in the same school, bigger rooms, more room to play, etc, etc, etc.
What is so wrong with wanting to surprise them when we know for sure it's going to go through?
DH is absolutely furious and wants to cut off all contact with DD9 and said friend. I'm not real sure how that is going to work since DD9 loves her. Interestingly, my mom met the woman because she was dating my uncle. They broke up but my mom is still really close with the girlfriend. The womans own son and DIL have major issues and no one else in my family likes her because they think she is strange. It's all just very odd.
I remember several months ago
I remember several months ago my mom was all up in arms because MC (moron counselor) was in trouble with her son in DIL. Apparently the DIL is a vegetarian and the kids were also not allowed to eat meat. MC had her grandkids (about 9 and 6 at the time I think) at a friends house for dinner and the older one wanted to try a bite of chicken. MC is on the "make good choices" bandwagon and told him that he knew how his mother would feel about him eating meat so if he decided to eat meat he was going to have to deal with the consequences.
DIL of course found out the kid ate some meat and was furious with MC for allowing it but my mom and MC feel that she didn't do anything wrong, it was the boys choice to eat the meat she didn't make him so she shouldn't be in trouble.
Yeah, I can't tell at all why DIL was angry at poor, jumped on MC. :?
If I recall correctly the
If I recall correctly the kids used to eat meat but the DIL thought their behavior problems were caused by their diet and cut out meat and gluten thinking that would help the situation. I don't know the whole story but I think that's roughly how it went.
I went to a little dinner
I went to a little dinner with DH, SS, BS at my brother and his wife's house with my parents. At one point my parents didn't like how DH corrected SS for misbehaving. Their excuse was "he just got back from his mom's an hour ago, he needs time to adjust." Both my mom and dad kept making comments about it until I finally said, "if you don't like the way we parent then you don't have to hang around us." I started packing up BS9m's bag to go back home because I wasn't going to let them guilt trip me about how DH put SS in timeout alone in their guest room. My dad's feelings were hurt by my bluntness, and my mom tried to backtrack saying she understands and they did the same with us when we were younger but they were grandparents now so they don't like to see SS4 upset. After I told them I supported DH's punishment and they needed either accept it OR not be around AND guilt tripping us for giving him consequences for bad behavior will not be tolerated, they stopped. My point is you need to come out and tell your mother/her friend their opinions are unwanted. That's the only way it will stop. The house/move has nothing to do with them, and it's not their info to give. How frustrating. What if the house fell through at the last minute? Then your DD has to deal with that premature information and you'll have to fix their mistake. I would also advise you to stop telling your mother/friend your personal business because they don't know when to keep it to themselves.
I would call MC and tell her
I would call MC and tell her how you feel she crossed a line and had no business meddling with DD. And I would be blunt with mommy dearest too.
It's an odd relationship those two have.
Sounds like you should not be
Sounds like you should not be sharing and personal news with your mom or the crazy psychologist and leave it at that.
When people show you who they are (gossipy and nosy), believe them!
It's time to stop telling
It's time to stop telling your mom anything big. If you don't want a belly full of criticism then don't give her anything to criticize. I know this is hard as she's your mom but she's also quite a bit toxic too. These are the same reasons I really don't tell my mom anything as she'll give me heck if I don't exactly what SHE would do.
If my mom asks about things, I say everything is good. I answer but vaguely and only surface answers. Nothing deep, nothing big and nothing secretive. She simply could not keep a secret and I know for a fact she'd tell everybody that had two ears and also slam me for every detail.
It sucks but it's just the way it works. The less dear old mom knows, the better you'll be