We don't do it and you are getting the short end of the stick. But you do not have to allow this. What would your boyfriend do if you had a job that didn't allow you to do all of those things for his kids? He'd have to do them himself or pay someone else. 

I'm going to be blunt. HE IS USING YOU.

It doesn't matter that they were never married. He hooked up with you 4 short months after his last split with BM. If you're doing aaaaaall those things for his kids? What the heck is he doing for them? And don't say working to earn money to support them because that is simply not enough. He's using you as a cook, maid, chauffeur, babysitter, and bed partner. 

You are 22yo. You are much too young too put up with this BS. Dump him and move on with your life. There are plenty of other men out there without all of this baggage.

First thing, why are you giving this man all the husband privileges of watching his kids and being a mom when he is just someone you're dating? Also, you are 22 years old which is so young. Get out now and find another man without kids and all the BM drama. It will only get worse. 

Something our mothers may not have told us all when we were young is that when it's a man you're just dating:

- you do not watch his kids.

- you do not cook for him or his kids.

- you do not clean for him or his kids.

- you do not play "extra mommy" to him or his kids.

- you do not do laundry for him or his kids.

- you do not give a man money.

- you do not put yourself in a situation where you have to tolerate an insane BM. 

I did it all, too, BUT DH was supporting not only me as a SAHM but my two kids cuz they had a deadbeat dad.  And, we were married.

But if I had been 22yo, childless and unmarried, no way.

You are 22!  you should be out doing things for yiursef! Having fun, exploring, working a job and not worrying about someone else's kids! 12 and 13 BTW they can get their own breakfast and lunch and do their own laundry, but that is a side issue....

It will not get easier. Not ever, in fact it will get worse.

Please stop this nonsense right now! These are not your children and not your responsiobility. Even if you were married they still wouldn't be your responsibility. They have two parents and you are not one of them. It's one thing helping out from the goodness of your heart once in a while/blue moon but you are filling the role of BOTH parents all of the time and your "partner" isn't even paying for his kids to eat! Gawd!  Stop it NOW! What would he do if you weren't there? He'd have to sort it all out by himself.

Who moved in with whom? Whose home is it? Who's paying the rent/mortgage/utilities?  I hope it's his home so that you can just pack and leave. Why didn't he make arrangements for his kids for the summer? You shouldn't be cooking for them nor ferrying them to and fro - they can either work it out themselves (they're not toddlers) or their father can do it. You have a job, you don't need a second one as an unpaid nanny and one who is treated like his bit on the side to boot!

Look, you are only 22 you have your whole life ahead of you, you can live without this drudgery, this millstone round your neck and his kids. Love is not enough to put up with this circus. The more youput up with, the more you will lose respect for him and, unfortunately, the longer you stay, the harder it is to leave. 

Get out while you still can and while you still have your sanity and your health. I am angry for you.

I'll tell you what I tell every single woman your age in a relationship with someone who has kids: you will be doing yourself a favor in the long term if you leave now. 22 is WAY too young to be parenting someone else's children or dealing with drama from an ex. The very blunt truth is that love is not enough. It doesn't matter if you love him, or even if you love the kids. The bottom line is that unless he is an exceptionally evolved, capable, sensitive, proactive, engaged, and intuitive person (which it sounds like this guy is not), he will default to the path of least resistance. In your case, this means pushing all the heavy lifting of parenting onto you. Why should he plan, and make arrangements for transportation and child care, grocery shopping, meal prep, and clean up after his kids when you can just do all that for him? 

If you leave now, you will have a nearly limitless pool of eligible, child-free men to choose from. You can build a life (and a family, if that's what you want) together from the ground up, instead of having to sacrifice and compromise to fit into someone's existing family. The longer you wait/the older you are, the more that pool shrinks. Believe me, you do not want to look around in 15 years and realize you wasted your youth on people who did not respect and appreciate you the way that you deserve. 

StepTalkers often ask, "Has he done the work?"  That means has he established his own home for when the kids visit?  Does he have the appropriate stuff, beds, refrigerator, etc.?  Does he have the legalities ironed out and is he paying a reasonable amount of child support on time?  Does he have a workable relationship with BM?  Is he acting like a dad, enforcing behavior and hygiene?  Or is he a Disney Dad, trying to entertain them all the time?  Does he plan ahead, like arranging summer care?

If a man hasn't "done the work", life is terribly hard for any woman who comes into the situation.  Your BF only split 2 years ago and I'm guessing he just hasn't done the work.  That doesn't mean he's a bad person but he's not ready for a relationship where a woman would have a stepmom role.  Its almost impossible for you and its not fair to you.

I'm going to be harsh.  You're too young to be settling for this nonsense.  What would your boyfriend be doing if you weren't there? That's what he should do.  And if the answer is let the kids run around alone or hang out alone like feral children, that's not a good answer.  There are a lot of men out there you could love. This one comes with too many encumbrances and red flags.  I'd toss him back. 

You are 22 years old and should not be living this life. Dump all of this baggage and go be 22! 

Frankly, this guy has no business being with you and dumping all of this on you. Shame on him, he should know better. If he really cared about you, he wouldn't have let it get this far.

I hope you care enough about yourself to get out of this situation.

Girl run. You are young and child free. These people will not appreciate you for all this. You will never get the respect of being their mother no matter what you sacrifice for them. You could be in school, or traveling, or developing hobbies. Or just meeting a guy to start your own family with, where you WILL get the appreciation of a mother. Or just being part of a couple without kids where you and your partner do fun things. No crazy 45-year-old BM. No breakfast casseroles. Think about it. 

I say this, because I was you. I met DH at 19 and stepped right into "step life" and HCBM drama. The ONLY reason I stayed was because DH and I were so good together as a couple and DH worked really hard to keep steplife separate from our relationship. We made a good team. He didn't expect me to take care of SS or do anything for him unless I wanted to. DH dealt with his ex and tried to keep me out of it as best he could. Had I been in your position back then, I wouldn't have stayed. Even now, 10 years later, I don't fully know if this was all worth it, no matter how great my DH is. Dealing with HCBM and skids and "co-parenting" can be hell. I have steplife PTSD. 

22?!? 

Girl NO ... unless that dude is bankrolling multiple seven figures AND taking you off your job AND turning your entire life around for the better in a major way .... you are being USED 

You are way too young to be tied down with the heavy duty baggage

End this now. You need to put this guy and all of his failed family baggage behind you.  

He is doing to you what his older former partner did to him.

Do not waste your life on him or any of them. Just go.

You are 22 and you are wasting your youth on an exceptionally flawed manipulative and exploitative non viable man who is using you as this beck and call sitter toy for himself and his children.

You owe yourself so much more.  Stop sacrificing yourself on the alter of SParental martyrdom to a shit partner and their failed family baggage. 

Take care of you.

When I was 18 I met someone i really liked and he lied about having someone pregnant. That should have been my first red flag. The man was 15 years older than me and that was how our relationship of 10 years started. In that relationship I helped with his son, who never knew of his dad being with anyone other than me, yet still he never treated me like a mom, yet I was expected to treat him as a son. 

When I met DH I though he was such a wonderful father, but I realize now that this was because my father didn't dedicate time to me. When I saw DH I thought that him having custody of his kids and being nice meant he was a good parent. Boy was I wrong. A good parent is someone who is actively parenting their children. This means they cook for them, help with homework, set up holiday plans, spend time with them, and enforce rules. Having a job should not absolve them from parenting duties just like it doesn't absolve moms from it. 

From the sound of it, your partner does not cook for his kids, plan meals, or plan their time. It sounds like he expects you to do all of the heavy lifting of parenting, and his kids will eventually resent you if you have to enforce rules. If you read around on these boards, most of us thought that stepping in as a mom would get us to a place of love with our stepkids only to find out that the power of a bitter mom supercedes whatever work you can do with their kids. Stepkids are just that; their kids, not yours. No matter what you do, or how nice you are, you are not their mom and they will never treat you as such. 

I agree with a lot of the posters above. Your partner needs to be alone with his kids and know how to deal with them independently. You shouldn't be expected to do all that you're doing, it really isn't fair to you at all. I know you might think you love him, but what actions does he do to show his love for you? I know it might hurt the ego to think you've made a mistake, but really stop and think about what you're getting out of this, because we know what he's getting out of it (someone to help with his kids for free, plus have intimacy with).  I think you can do better. This situation is a lose-lose for you. 

IMHO.. you and your BF are at two different stages in life.  It sounds like you grabbed the lifeline he threw you when you had nowhere to go.. but honestly.. this isn't a good fit for you.. you are basically an Au pair with benefits for him.  You are young enough that your dating pool could come with a LOT less baggage.  You may want kids of your own.. and he is rapidly getting to a point where he won't want that.. and do NOT rush THAT part either.. lol.. because then you would be more than stuck.  I was mad about you buying the groceries but you later said you aren't paying the other bills.. so that's not a terrible financial deal I guess.. BUT.. can you live on your own with what your business is making?  It might be better for you to try to live independently as an adult for a while.. learn who you are without this guy's overbearing opinions on how everything needs to be in his home.. for his kids.