continuation from Previous post... gonna lose it
First of all... I want to say thank you all. I am sorry to hear that you are all suffering from depression also, and wish you all the very best.
I resent both DH and SD. I resent SD because she doesn't like to listen to me. She pretends like she does but, as mother, I know that it is going in one ear & out the other. I resent her because of her ways, they may not be her fault completely but I resent her.
I resent DH because he does the bear minimum. I think I had said it in other trends, but when he & I first met he said that if I would've had kids from any previous relationship. I resent him because he doesn't step up. When I bring it up, he makes me feel like I am the biggest bitch in the planet. I f=kinda makes me feel as tho it IS my responsibility to get everything done. When I tell him that I have things to do or that I cannot get out of work, I get the guilt trip and kinda implies that his job is more important than mine. He ASSumes that I can get out of work whenever and that I am just aching to take his kid to all her appointments. Like I said I have stood up to DH, but in the end I always give in. It is easier to give in than argue about it, THEN give in.
As far as me learning to take time for myself... I have been with my therapist for a while and I hear it from her all the time "you need to put yourself first. Go and get a pedi or buy yourself something" I will tell you what I say to her, easier said than done. DH bitches at me when I spend money. He tells me we cannot be spending, we should be saving. But, as I mentioned in my previous trend, he is the one that is putting us deeper into debt by giving BM the CS money to continue to get her high on. I love DH but I hate him. I wish I could hate him enough to leave, but I am afraid what that will do to DS.
I do not believe that other Sparents who resent their skids are horrible, I believe that I am horrible because I feel that I am projecting my resentment for BM & DH onto her. I want to be able to bond with her, but I see her mother every time I see her. I can't help but feel for her what I feel for her mother.
Again, thank you all for your support. I was just feeling at the bottom of the pool, giving up, about to take my last breath.
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You are not horrible, not in
You are not horrible, not in the very slightest, loads of us have been where you are and it is almost intolerable at times. Projecting how you feel onto SD is just a natural emotional process that is VERY hard to control. You know you don't want to do it, but I know for me I just get so damn angry I cannot even LOOK at SS16 sometimes. Yes it is DH/SO's responsibilty to step up but as primary carers (by default usually-you seem to 'slip' into the role) in a relationship, it is not easy to 'turn a blind eye' and ignore behaviour that is wrong for both the child concerned and has influences on any family involved. You then have all this inner turmoil on how to deal with it...its mentally crippling because you know how you should act, but certain factors are preventing that...eg SD's lack of respect, DH's lack of support, your lack of self esteem at the mo (totally with you on that) and many other things. Its like trying to crawl out of a muddy hole, on your own with no help..... Stay strong, you sound like a lovely person, you deserve a bit of peace in yr life. Take little 'me' steps and enjoy them however small, its empowering.... x
Your resentment is both
Your resentment is both justified and reasonable, given how things are between you and DH. I had a lot of anger and resentment at my exDH in my first marriage, and in the end it built up so much that I had a breakdown, and when I had recovered sufficiently, I left him. I do think you will have to address these feelings with him eventually, and resolve them somehow, because I can't see you feeling a whole lot better until this is done.
The issues with the SD contribute to an already difficult situation. I have a very happy 2nd marriage, but still a lot of stress from dealings with the BM and 2 SDs which drags me down. DH helps rather than make the situation worse, but it is still stressful.