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Should a watch my partners kids at weekends?

gill09's picture

Submitted by gill09 on Tue, 06/05/2012 - 6:05am

I have been with my partner for for two years and engaged a year in May 2012. He has two kids from a previous marriage and has since become a taxi driver. Prior to meeting myself he used to get his mum to watch the two kids for him to work at the weekends (night shift). Now that he lives with me he expects me to watch them every second weekend while he works nightshift. This means I have to watch them at night and day because he is sleeping and in turn unable to get a long lie, because they are up early on the Saturday Sunday morning. I have my own daughter and brought her up single for a long time. My daughter is now 13yrs and she is out all the time, thus giving me time to myself to spend with friends and do what I like. I feel now my partner is trying to hem me in with his kids, every other weekend to work. I dont think this is fair, as I have done my years of bringing up my child and been restricted to going out. I dont think its fair as the kids come to see him every second weekend not to be pammed of to someone else to watch them, while he works. I have tried explaining this but he says he needs to work weekends as that is when he gets the most money. Any advise would be appreciated

Comments

herewegoagain's picture

Submitted by herewegoagain on Tue, 06/05/2012 - 6:11am

My husband tried this for a while. What was funny was that he didn't even get his daughter before I came into the picture. I quickly put a stop to it. I told him that I had no problem paying a bit more of expenses, but then on the weekends he had his kid he had 2 options 1) not work on THOSE weekends 2) not get his daughter. I have to say that later I wasn't too happy because on the weekends he didn't have her, he was always too tired to do anything with me, but it was better than have to watch someone else's kid. Good luck.

Basically, it boils down to "is he with you to be his new baby sitter or because he loves you..." by the same token, the fact that you have a daughter, are you with him because you love him or because he provides additional financial support for your daughter that you can't afford?

gill09's picture

Submitted by gill09 on Tue, 06/05/2012 - 6:19am

Thanks for your response, he does not really provide additional income which supports my daughter, just to the houshould in general. I am wanting to get opinions on this as he sometimes uses emitional blackmail like, if you want a holiday this year, i will need to work every weekend I have them, which is nonsense, but thats the sort od excuses he uses.

Helena.Handbasket's picture

Submitted by Helena.Handbasket on Tue, 06/05/2012 - 9:59am

He can use those excuses all he wants, don't let him manipulate you with them. If he needs to work so badly, his mom can watch them. It's not about fairness, it's about the fact that it is his responsibility.

overworkedmom's picture

Submitted by overworkedmom on Tue, 06/05/2012 - 7:05am

Do what you feel is right. My FDH works most weekends and we have his son 100% of the time, so yes, I watch him on the weekends. But I also see him as my son now too. It just depends on the dynamics of your family and what you all are comfortable with. Maybe you should try and get him to change the visitation schedule...

sonja's picture

Submitted by sonja on Tue, 06/05/2012 - 7:21am

Yeah this wouldnt fly with me. If he works nights and then is asleep during the day, why do they even come over? I dont see any reason for them to come over to be with you, and SD doesnt come here to see me, which Ive explained several times. If hes busy, she doesnt come over, point blank. I understand its different if dad is the CP, but in the case where hes NCP, he needs to make arrangements to see them when hes available.

smdh's picture

Submitted by smdh on Tue, 06/05/2012 - 7:31am

I think it is terrible when a person only has their kids EOWE and they don't even want to spend that time with those kids. He's using you and he is doing a huge disservice to his kids.

shootingstarz's picture

Submitted by shootingstarz on Tue, 06/05/2012 - 5:09pm

If my DH isn't home, his kids are NOT at our home! Period! Why should you babysit these children while he works? Hell no it's bullshit! The CO is for him to see his kids. It doesn't state that you or even his mother have his kids. The CO is for him! And if he has to work then BM should have them. And BM shouldn't have a problem with that since I'm assuming she gets CS from him? My DH works 12 hour days, different days of the week every week. Sometimes has an occassional weekend day off. And it sometimes lines up with it being "his" weekend. And if it doesn't, then his kids aren't over. BM can't have a bitch fit about it since he's working to pay her damn bills. Stand up for yourself and tell him you are not 'babysitting' his kids. It is not your responsibility.