Sounds as if he has for some reason dug in his heels! And so have you. You didn't say a thing about the wedding band being left on the pillow!!

I hope it goes well for you, but if you are not being treated or respected as you should well....you know how it goes.

I will keep you in my prayers!

"And this too shall pass..."

to have to deal with this. And I'm sorry. I wish I could offer more, but you know you are doing the right thing. And I'm here for you.

I was also called horrible names by my mother growing up (b**tch, C**nt) and I also have huge abandonment issues..because of this I sometimes find myself pushing people away in arguments as a way to test them to stay..it's a very difficult thing to struggle with..

BUT admit where you were wrong..but NOT where you weren't. STick to your guns on what you beleive in..and try to explain to your DH that "perceptions is reality".

"He grew up in my heart, not my belly"

"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere

you really really want. He left. He left his wedding ring. So the question is, is he playing mind games, or has it gotten to the miserable point where it's best for both of you to be away from one another?

He wants you to apologize for all the fights? I'm pretty stubborn, but, altho H has a truck load of problem, I realize he's not responsible for ALL the fights. Most of 'em, but not all

In a prior blog you posted Rags suggested you take him up on his actions and go ahead and file. Not bad advice. Love is great-but it takes a lot more than love to make things work. And if this man is going to bail every time you fight, doesn't want to work out the issues so the fighting can diminish, filing would do one of two things-shake him up, wake him up, or give you your life back.

"He informed me that he would not be returning tonight unless I admit I am at fault for all of our arguments, etc."

Ooohhh, that is a slippery slope. If you were to admit that, you would basically be agreeing to never again be right as long as the two of you are together.

That sentence right there tells me you did the right thing. Either he is playing childish games to control you, or he is really done. Either way, he's a jerk for the way he's doing it, so it doesn't really matter, now does it?

You're very strong for doing this, and I applaud you! It's probably best to go about your life assuming he won't be in it anymore. Go forward with the process of filing. Look toward the future. Sounds like he's not in it. But I bet a much better man is!

Hugs!!!

BB

- You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. (2Bloved)

When he tries to put his key in the door he will know that your are serious.

Of course you are not 100% at fault for all of the arguments you have with him. Everyone has some level of fault for any argument they participate in and it sounds to me as if he is abdicating his own level of responsibility in those arguments.

The next time he calls take ownership of the issues that are yours in the arguments but nail his nuts to the fence post on his ownership of his issues in those same arguments. There is no possible way that it is ALL YOUR FAULT!

If you can both admit to some level of ownership and both move to some center ground then this will likely just be a temporary issue. If not ........ don't give him a copy of the new house key.

If he refused to compromise then I would file an immediate motion for temporary CS and SpousalSupport during his self decided separation. He is the one that left.

IMHO of course.

Good luck and best regards,

"If he refused to compromise then I would file an immediate motion for temporary CS and SpousalSupport during his self decided separation. He is the one that left."

Soooo true. good one!

BB

- You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. (2Bloved)

Sweetie I'm so sorry!! I can completely relate though. My FH has done similar things before...he's thrown his band on the counter a couple times too.
I've called his bluff and took off my rings and said, Ok, if that's what you want, that's fine...and calmly proceeded to get a bag and packed to go to my mom's. He always backs down when I call his bluff.
Like I said in your earlier post, he may be just unable to communicate like a rational adult because he doesn't have the coping skills. He may really love you but is unable to fight fairly or be rational. Have you guys been to counseling?
If you want to end your marriage, you have every right to. I agree with Bewitched that you should just take a deep breath and calm down before anyone does anything rash. In my relationship, we have a very unhealthy tendancy to escalate conflict. We're learning in therapy to pause and downshift before we go nuclear. One thing fh does because of the shrink, is to leave the house if we're getting into a very intense argument...Shrink think's it's a good idea so fh calms down and I do too. At first I was livid that he'd walk out, but now I see it's so we can all calm down--plus, I am admittedly WRONG in that if anyone's going to leave to calm down it's going to be me. I have abandonment issues too so if he leaves it makes me worse...so we've worked out that I will leave to calm down no questions asked.
I really feel for you EvilD...I know how hard this all is. Please know that I am not trying to preach to you or tell you what to do...I'm just saying as a friend that you should just calm down a little and take a breath before you go signing divorce papers. Maybe your H just needs the wakeup call you gave him to make him see the light. The abuse issues though, need to be addressed in counseling if you continue to be with him.
I wish you the best of luck.
Big hugs, LT

he left the house and left his kids with you? I haven't really followed your story, but assume you're a stepparent. Where were the kids at? Where will they be tonight?

FH has also name-called, but I had to handle that. I don't care how your life was w/ your mom, I don't care how your life was with your ex. I am neither of them, and I will not allow you to verbally abuse me like that. Stopped him real quick.

Looks like his pride is getting in the way also. He seems to be a little too old to be leaving the house during a fit, taking the ring off and all that.

I agree with Rags (again). Change the locks.

with you that this behavior is abusive! Don't take it and change the locks! What an arse! Hugs to you and feel free to PM me if you need to chat!

I had some horrible fights with my FH last year about BM (before counseling) and he would stay out late and one time didn't come home - he threatened that a few times but had never actually done it. I called in sick to work the next day because i knew he was coming in hung over. I had packed all of his things and left them by the front door. He came up to take a shower and suprise there I was. I told him that I loved him and that we had a relationship together and that he was letting other people like the BM come between us. I said you can grab your stuff and go now or you can go to counseling and stay here and work things out with me. I told him trust me when I say this, if you EVER not come home after an argument ever again, all your shit will be outside and the locks will be changed. If you think that I wouldn't do it because I love you think again because I will NEVER allow anyone to treat me so disrespectfully. We went to counseling and things eventually worked out but I already had the locksmiths number out. If you have already warned him I would change the locks - you need to show him that you are not playing games and are serious when you issue an ultimatium.