no when I met my DH, the girls were 13, 11, and 8. They were neglected (even by DH) as he put all of his energy into trying to please BM. They were smoking cigs, using drugs, and sexually active (the 13 and 11 yr old); very angry b/c BM had deserted them but held her up on a pedestal b/c DH told them she was an adventurer and was out seeing the world. In fact early on in our rel'ship I will never forget how I felt when he toasted BM during dinner b/c she managed to get her first job in her adult life and this was only after I told him....hey, if you are still supporting this woman who has 2 degrees, I am not the woman for you.

I am a professional with 3 degrees and a very successful career. I could not believe he toasted her at our dinner table for her finally becoming a productive member of society.

So when I met the girls I could tell they were in a lot of heavy stuff. I told him....these girls are sexually active and lying to you at every turn. At first he didn't believe it. But finally I told him I can't be with you b/c of those girls. I can't have them around my kids as examples. He begged me and decided to finally start parenting...truthfully he wasn't being a parent...was using his parents as babysitters while he ran off to FL to dive and run from his pain and problems.

So initially the girls were okay, but when I moved in with him (a big mistake), things were rocking along until BM came back. Started asking girls about me and DH, what we did, whether they liked me. Then she told them she was moving next door to us. DH stopped that as I told him I would move out immediately. She then moved in same small town. Would show up unannounced and walk the house as if I wasn't there. After many arguments, DH told her she could not do that any longer. She told DH he was taking her away from kids, same kids she had not taken care of from 1997 - 2003!!!!!

When I moved in, I noticed the lying and sneaking out, boys and girls sneaking into the house at night. In short, I opened DH's eyes. He took a more active role in parenting and began for first time ever to discipline the 18 and 16 yr old (too late and big mistake). 18 yr old, at 15, had marijuana in house. Found by my son. DH allowed her to go live with BM in lieu of being punished.

That was in 2005. Since then she moved back in and admitted to the 14 yr old that she and her mom devised a plan...she was to pretend to like me so that we could buy her a car, school clothes and get her DL. Then she would move out. That did not happen. Summer of 2007 the 16 year old moved in with BM after she was essentially caught having sex in the house with a boy and girl.

My kids have endured sleeping in the van on school nights as we drove around looking for 18 and 16 yr old after they ran away; being called all kinds of names; having their things stolen; told they are ugly. The 18 yr last summer got pregnant twice. BM beat the first baby out of her, denied it and b/c she is a teacher in a small town no one believed it and she aborted the 2nd one. She calls my DH when he is at work (he works in this same small town) and will ask him for money or text me and brag how DH is going to help her get an apartment so she and her friends can party.

That didn't happen either. Here is the problem, though, if I wasn't here, I believe DH would do it. He would still be giving BM money even though those kids are still wearing clothes we bought them 2 years ago. He would still be paying the mortgage on the house. He would still be allowing her to pull him around like a puppet on a string. And I guess that is why I am so unhappy: sure he does everything I ask, but everything is MY IDEA and not his.

DH says he chooses to believe in the goodness of people...incuding BM. This woman slept with his best buddy the night before their wedding in 1992. Then proceeded to sleep with everyone at his naval base, including other childhood friends who landed at same base. She gave him a gift that keeps on giving and continues to foster the lie that the 14 yr old is his bio child. She is not and we know that.

Another thing I feel bad about is this: my DH has accepted all of the girls as his....and I throw up to him that we go through hell for children that he truly has no legal obligation to. He says that doesn't matter b/c they are his.

Now we are in a battle about the 18 yr old and college. She didn't even pass the TAKS exam but wants us to pay for her to go to one of the most expensive private colleges in our area to be an artist, like BM who has never sold a piece of artwork.

I am a dreamkiller. And again DH would do it if I wasn't around. So how do you reconcile this? Should I just resign myself to the fact that my DH would live a different standard but for me, and be okay with that? I don't know why but it leaves me less than satisfied...

Don't get me wrong the 14 yr old is much better behaved than her sisters. But I simply dislike her. Yesterda she asked to spend the weekend with a friend. We have a policy: if we haven't met the friend and the parent, you may not spend the night. I was preparing dinner while DH was driving home and she says to me, "That has to be one of your rules and not Dad's." I told her regardless it is the rule.

Later that night, DH is driving SD and my son to karate and she tells him she wants to spend the night at this friend's house. He tells her that shouldn't be a problem. She then says...well you all haven't met her or her parents. He says...oh is she a nice girl? Yes. Well, it's not a problem.

This is every rule and then he comes home and takes his usual route...oh yeah, I forgot about that rule. Yeah right.

I wish I could just wash my hands of them, but I can't because the rules are the same for my BD and BS....and consistency is a necessary key to successful parenting.

I am stifled in my enjoyment of life by my dislike of these people. I would never have been around them but for my DH and it's difficult for me to even hear the 14 yr old speak at my house.

My DH is so easily manipulated that he makes me sick to my stomach!

Sorry for this long vent, but I am beginning to think I am going crazy as all I do for most of the day is think about how I really really hate them. And my DH wants me to spend some time with SD and show her a positive female role model who doesn't wear my breasts hanging out or cheating and manipulating. But everytime I try to do anything with just her, she annoys me so much that I go back home. She is 14 but has the mental capacity of an 8 yr old. She was in special classes but she and DH decided she was ready to be mainstreamed. So she is immature but DH wants her to be treated as a responsible teenager.

He has promised her a DL this year, but I can't depend on her to close the garage freezer after she gets a pack of spinach. She is so forgetful and in outer space that she is a burden. I mean it, steptalkers, I can't even rely on her to babysit my BS while I run to the grocery store. The other day (against my better judgment and at the insistence of DH) allowed her to take my BS to the park and she allowed him to ride her skateboard down a slide. She came home and said, "Oh, SM, that is not a big deal. You're making a big deal out of nothing." DH sat there and said zip, zero, nada.

I'mnoAngelia

Don't let this pretty face fool you...I'mnoAngel.