Advice
:O
My husband and I have been married for 2 years. My children are grown and on their own.
He has a daughter who lives at home, she is a senior, about to turn 18 and graduate.
My husband allows her all the adult priviliges without any responsibility.
He bought her a car for her 17th birthday, we pay for any repairs, tires, and insurance. We also pay for her visits to the OB-GYN for birth control and the STD panels she has had run this year.
She has no curfew, is not accountable to tell him where she is going or when she will be home. She stays the night with her boyfriend and he is allowed to stay the night here with her.
She only goes to school 1/2 day now, she is not required to work, do any chores around the house, not even dishes. She just piles them up on the counter for me to do them, even if she has friends over and I am not home.
We buy all her clothes, beauty products, artificial nails etc and he gives her $200 per month allowance.
I think it's crazy.....and I try not to say anyhting because it's his daughter. But I do feel I have a right to say something when it directly affects me...and my husband agrees, he says I can go ahead and talk to her. Like that will do any good without his backing.
If I bring anything up....then I am the one with the problem. I am rocking the boat.
Oh well....I just give up
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Boy, just hearing from other
Boy, just hearing from other is such a big help! Validation.
I certainly know we are not responsible for her wants, only her needs. I think for my husband it was easier to "give" than take the time to teach her. I have discussed with my husband that he is setting her up to fail.....she finally has a part time job for a while that will end in December.....but she still gets all the bennies from Dad. He admits he has spoiled her rotten but says it's too late now. The rare time he has told her no or denied a request she has shown her true colors..suddenly he is terrible and she wants to go live elsewhere. But she doesn't, cause she knows she would not have it as well off anywhere else.
My pocketbook is closed...
I will have her start doing her own dishes...all I asked is that they are rinsed and put in the dishwasher. My guess is that Dad will end up doing it.
Thanks for your input
Wow..there is no way this
Wow..there is no way this girl is going to be able to function in the real world. You should go on "STRIKE" she can do her own laundry, cooking, cleaning etc.. and you should not pay 1 cent for anything..especially if your husband doesn't back you up..
This girl has no rules and no respect..She needs to get her own place and live in the real world... ZZ
Good luck to your SD when the
Good luck to your SD when the real world hits her in the ass - or I should say Good luck to you because I am sure DH will be paying for her for years to come! Your DH is actually setting his daughter up for failure in life by providing everything for her and not teaching her to work for anything.
You also need to step up too though if she does not do her dishes than DH needs to do them - you are not the maid - you are the woman of the house -
Also STD panel - wow!!
My husband and I have had
My husband and I have had this discussion about setting her up for failure. I have four kids of my own and did not do the greatest in preparing them....but finally had to cut the apron strings and tell them the funds were cut off....they are ages 24-30 years old. Guess what? They stepped up to the plate and are on their own.
My intent is to let him know he needs to help prepare her and he is not doing any favors for her....and unless he does he will be paying for years to come.
I am not the maid and think today I will let her know she can clean up after herself. She does her own laundry but that's about it. Dad can deal with it after that.
As for the STD panels...well she can see our family doctor and all is held in privacy due to her age and HIPPA.....but...what she doesn't know is that when I recieve my explanation of benefits from the insurance company it lists the labs, tests and treatments we are paying for....so ya....I am frustrated with her father for not caring enough to intercede in any way
I agree; she needs to be
I agree; she needs to be taught that LIFE is not handed to you like this. Helping her out is one thing; if she had a job and was trying her best.
Is daddy going to be by her side 24/7? I am not sure why a lot of dads treat daughters like this; I understand wanting to rescue them - but I think part of being a good parent is to allow them to fall. Good Luck to you with this one
I agree so much with your
I agree so much with your comment about her coming to resent him. She asked if her boyfriend (who doesn't work) could move in with us and Dad said no. Because he is making an effort to improve as a parent and setting limits etc...she is spending more time with her BM.
Although he has had custody of her, she has had a relationship with her mother as well. It has been off an on because her
BM has issues in that she has never supported herself outside a relationship with a man and she has many men.
Her BM and BM's family seem to have a much greater influence on her that her dad's ever have.
So I see this poor girl headed for life like her Mom's and both parent's are to blame. I believe I have been more of a parent to the girl in the past two years than the other two ever have been (just a statement,not an attention getter) and of course, she resents it. I made it very clear I was not there to be her mother or best friend, that she may or may not like me and vice versa, but we needed to be respectful of one another. I do not make rules or decisions for her but her father asks my opinion and input.
As I listen and observe I often think it is too late and that she is going to go through some rough times. I am not sure what I can really do but I know it sure helps to talk with others who are more mature and are "parent minded'.
All of the above, but try to
All of the above, but try to stop it now. This is what I deal with. She is treated like and equal, an adult, a BFF. Gag. It doesn't help him, either. How is he supposed to have a normal life with a real woman now? And I lay this one all at his door. HE created this monster. Not BM this time!
OMG...that would drive me
OMG...that would drive me insane in a heartbeat...I agree with everyone here...she is never going to be ready for the real world so long as she has her daddy to do it all for her.