SS9 is getting picked up by BM on Saturday. We won't see him again until Christmas. He has done really well this last week and a half. SS has shed some light on the things he faces at BM's home, which are not pleasant. Due to BM and GFs irregular work schedules, SS is being dumped off wherever at all hours of the day and night. SS mentioned one night where BM was working (she works 3rd shift) and GF got called into work at 3 a.m. so SS had to be woken up and taken to a friend's house at 3 a.m. SS highlighted that he is ignored constantly, only shown affection or attention when it suits BM. I believe that the allegations BM emailed about are either 100% made up by BM or SS felt coerced into saying things to appease BM. Luckily, we have everything on footage this visitation. There is hours of movie nights, board games at the kitchen table, etc. After witnessing SS' interactions with BM this week, he seems afraid of BM, like there is definitely emotional abuse going on. He also highlighted that BM won't allow SS to play football in college or professional, due to risk of concussion, but demands SS play until he graduates high school (we know this is to prevent visitation). We asked him if he wanted to play catch this week and he said "No." He honestly wants nothing to do with football. I feel bad for the kid, but due to BM's antics and the courts, we have little power to change his situation. 

It has been a rough visitation for me. I was hospitalized the night before SS' arrival due to heavy bleeding. DH and I thought I was having a miscarriage. DH spent all night at the hospital with me and then drove to pick SS up the next morning. We had to wait 5 days to get test results back and an appointment with my OBGYN to confirm that everything was okay. It was an agonizing wait. But, all is okay with me and the baby. DH went to my first appointment, which is something BM never gave him the opportunity to do. When he saw the ultrasound and heard the heartbeat, DH cried. He said it was one of the happiest days of his life. I have had horrible morning sickness every day since. I mean all day, every day, bedridden morning sickness. DH has done literally everything - meal preparation, laundry, cleaning, letting the dog out, entertaining SS, etc. SS sensed that something was going on, but I definitely don't want SS knowing yet, especially since BM is so high conflict. My Dad (who is a retired paramedic) made up a story and told SS why I am sick. SS totally bought it and all the symptoms line up with that minor medical condition. Smart thinking Dad, that way if SS goes back and tells BM, she may believe the story and not think that I'm pregnant. Here's hoping. 

I told DH last night that I am anxious about visitation next year. I know it is a year away and a lot can happen between now and then, but this is how my anxiety goes. BM has made it clear that she has the power to manipulate summer visitation, which per the CO, she technically does to accomodate sports. She has made it clear that she will chunk DH's two weeks into itty bitty pieces if she feels like it. It leaves me feeling completely powerless and out of control of our own schedule, since she hinted that she may break the 4 weeks into weekend only visitation, resulting in 9 out of 12 weekends being dedicated to SS and constant back and forth out of state pick ups. If SS is really having a hard time at BM's, I worry that less or chunked up visitation will be worse for SS, but again, we can't fix that for him. I am looking forward to a five month break to focus on DH, our future, and our baby, but I'm dreading future dealings with BM.