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Family Loss Update

CastleJJ's picture

Submitted by CastleJJ on Sun, 09/03/2023 - 7:53pm

My grandma passed away last Saturday. She was surrounded by family and friends and passed as we said prayers, shared laughs, and shared what she meant to us. It could not have been a more perfect send off if we had planned it ourselves. It was very peaceful. Within minutes of her passing, I went outside to get some air. My grandparents live on a lake and the moon was pointing directly toward their house, the reflection illuminating the lake, creating almost a "stairway to Heaven." It was beautiful.

It was a hard few days trying to process how she deteriorated so quickly (going from fully functional and talking on Wednesday to dying on Saturday). I stayed at my Grandparents with family an additional few days while DH returned home to work. SS11 actually called DH outside of our court ordered schedule to check on me and send me a very nice sympathy card. My grandma bought me a beautiful hydrangea tree for our yard last year and it means even more now. 

Steplife issues have been a lot less consuming while grieving this loss. Normally, I think about SS, BM, GF, and the whole situation multiple times a day. It's been nice to have a mental break from all that crap, despite the tragic circumstances. I actually forgot today was the day SS calls until he called. My grandma and I FaceTimed everyday, multiple times per day. My grandma was confined to her house due to her medical conditions, so she relied on me and DD19months for social, entertainment, and access to the outside world. DD brought her so much joy, even in her final days. The silence of not receiving her phone calls daily is the hardest part right now. Whenever DD does something cute, she is the first person I want to call. And unfortunately, I don't have the supports to call others instead. This is going to be a hard "new normal" to get used to. I keep trying to remind myself that Grandma is free from pain and at peace. 

Comments

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Aniki-Moderator on Sun, 09/03/2023 - 8:36pm

I'm so sorry you're hurting, CastleJJ. I hope you know your multiple times a day FaceTime with your grandma and DD brought her joy. {{{HUGS}}}

notsurehowtodeal's picture

Submitted by notsurehowtodeal on Sun, 09/03/2023 - 9:05pm

I'm so sorry for your loss, it sounds like you had a wonderful relationship. I think one of the hardest things to deal with after someone dies is handling the loss of the "routine" things - like your daily "facetimes." The things that you took for granted and did without thinking are difficult to get past because they are almost like a habit.

After my Dad died, I caught myself starting to call him to ask him a mechanical question about my car. I did it without thinking, because I always turned to him with questions about my car. Give yourself time, you do gradually start to get past it.

grannyd's picture

Submitted by grannyd on Sun, 09/03/2023 - 10:31pm

Ah, Sweetie, I wish that I could give you a great big hug! Despite your grief, it may comfort you, knowing that your love for your grandmother was reciprocal so that your memories of her will be positive and less heart-rending.

Having lost my mother 4 years ago, I understand, all too well, those occasions when you’re ready to phone or email the lost one then suddenly remember that they are gone. So very sorry for your loss.

TheAccidentalSM's picture

Submitted by TheAccidentalSM on Mon, 09/04/2023 - 3:53am

When you are feeling sad remind yourself how much happiness you and DD brought to your grandmother's life.

And take the time to mourn her properly.

 

(((hugs)))

AgedOut's picture

Submitted by AgedOut on Mon, 09/04/2023 - 7:32am

I'm so sorry for your loss. She sounds like such a large part of your world. My thoughts are with you as you try to find a new normal. 

AlmostGone834's picture

Submitted by AlmostGone834 on Mon, 09/04/2023 - 8:15am

Change in routine... when we lose someone we love I think that is the hardest part, the missing piece. And I'm happy you had the perfect send off. It makes things a bit easier I think when it goes well. Hugs.

CajunMom's picture

Submitted by CajunMom on Mon, 09/04/2023 - 8:21am

good thoughts and prayers of comfort. What a beautiful legacy your grandmother has left you. Hold tight to those precious memories as you walk through this journey of grief.

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Mon, 09/04/2023 - 12:57pm

But happy in the sendoff and the positive interactions.

We do sometimes get so caught up in the steplife dramz that it doesnt leave room for other things, so Im glad that you had the time and space to enjoy the last few days of your grandma.

Blessings to her in whereever she may be!

thinkthrice's picture

Submitted by thinkthrice on Mon, 09/04/2023 - 4:23pm

To have a close relationship with a grandparent is much desired as this modern world seems to be so disconnected.  You will be able to reflect on the wisdom she imparted and that is her gift to you to pass on to DD.

Very sorry to hear of her passing.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Mon, 09/04/2023 - 6:27pm

My condolences to you and your family on the loss of your grandmother.

I used to call my GrandDad regularly.  He has been gone more than 25yrs and I still find myself thinking of calling him.

I am happy that this has given you some clarity on where you need to keep SS, BM, GF in the relative structure of your life.  You will enjoy making your best life and your beautiful DD-19mos will bring you the same joy you and DD brought to your grandmother.

Love yourself, love you DD.  As for the rest of them.... keep them boxed up and under as much controll as possible while you thrive in your best life.

Give rose

Your grandmother is and always will be watching over you and her GGK.

Angel

strugglingSM's picture

Submitted by strugglingSM on Tue, 09/05/2023 - 12:29am

I'm glad you were able to get some time and space away from steplife to honor your grandmother and begin the grieving process. It sounds like the two of you were very close, so be kind to yourself over the coming weeks, months, and even years as you adjust to her absence.