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To be blunt, I don't get the big deal about the pictures inlaws display in their homes

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Fri, 06/14/2013 - 3:55pm

Barring the ex being an abuser or person who exhibited/exhibits criminal behavior. Adults shouldn't worry about what pics are up in homes that aren't theirs. If mil had pics of bm up and I said something about it or dh did, we'd rightfully expect that she'd tell us to mind our own business and that she as an adult will do what she wants in HER home. If neither of us liked those pics being up, neither of us would go there anymore. We wouldn't even say anything to her about it. Making a stink out of it would benefit no one.

Comments

hismineandours's picture

Submitted by hismineandours on Fri, 06/14/2013 - 4:03pm

I agree that a simple solution would be just to not go to the inlaws home. Frankly, I have no clue what pics my mil may or may not have up as I havent set foot in that hell hole for like 5 or 6 years. Although realistically I am sure she has none of dh and bm-as my mil simply hates pretty much everyone besides her immediate, blood related family.

purpledaisies's picture

Submitted by purpledaisies on Fri, 06/14/2013 - 4:03pm

Its more of respect. Of course you can't tell someone what they can or can't have in their home. But that doesn't mean it can't bug someone or make them feel uncomfortable. If it doesn't bother you then fine but others have the right to feel what they feel too.

nevathotthizwudhappen7's picture

Submitted by nevathotthizwud... on Fri, 06/14/2013 - 4:14pm

Totally agree. There is a huge family portrait with the bm in my mil's house and I don't like it but I deal with it. Last thing I wanna do is cause drama with his family over a dumb picture.

Stepbell's picture

Submitted by Stepbell on Fri, 06/14/2013 - 4:16pm

Both sides are right. You can't tell someone what to do in their own home. But it's very disrespectful to let it stay there if they are an ex. If my son and dil divorce my pics will come down. I think the op is venting more than wanting confrontation over what's in a home on her mil walls. But it's very distasteful to leave up IMHO

twopines's picture

Submitted by twopines on Fri, 06/14/2013 - 4:36pm

It's OK if you don't understand. Some people feel disrespected, and others do not. People feel what they feel. It has nothing to do with your understanding of it.

I will also say that issues such as this are why I am so glad my mother is my mother. After I remarried, she took down photos of my first husband, even though no one would think to comment about them. I'm not divorced, so it's not like there are bad feelings associated with him. She did it because, golly gee whiz, she was trying to be considerate of my current DH's feelings.

step off already's picture

Submitted by step off already on Fri, 06/14/2013 - 4:37pm

I agree. I know some families that have all the kids' prom photos up. They are just milestones in a life.

oldone's picture

Submitted by oldone on Fri, 06/14/2013 - 10:58pm

My ILs are dead so this is a moot point for me.

Sure anyone can put anything they want up in their home. Hell if they have a picture of BM giving DH a blow job and want to display it - they can do that.

But there are consequences to everything. If I had in-laws that wanted to post lovey dovey pictures of my DH and BM all intertwined I'd just write the assholes out of my life. period. dot. forever

Personal freedom works both ways. ILs can do what they want and I can also NOT do what I don't want to.

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Sat, 06/15/2013 - 8:13am

In that situation, I guess I don't see the problem with having pics of mil and fil up as the fil is deceased and there was no fighting between him and sf. The marriage ended when fil died and not in a divorce.