Everything in my house changes when SD 11 is here. My Dh starts picking on my 2 year old a lot more for some reason. Correcting his behavior constantly, interjecting into conversations that he isn't even a part of. Trying to discipline him over and over. While coddling our dd almost one, and while sitting cuddled up on the couch with SD 11. I looked over today and her head was on his shoulder, they couldn't have been closer. I was never that close to my dad, never called my dad "daddy" either. Dh has told me not to come to him with problems I have with SD, to tell her myself. (I have tried diengaging) I mean the girl left our house today with no shower. I make dinner, she's a picky eater, I told her if she didn't like it then she didn't have to eat it. Probably said it with an attitude. So when I finally stand up to her Dh calls me out, saying it was rude. Then he said he couldn't eat the dinner either bc it had onions in, so they both got up while my son and I were eating and cleared their plates! I couldn't believe it. How rude. We'be been fighting all weekend bc at dinner yesterday he spent the whole time correcting my 2 year old, while SD had her head down on the table, I had finally had enough and told him to leave my son alone. Told him in front of everyone and that's why he was mad, I would do it again in a second. We've been getting along great, then when she comes over he changes into this aggressive person. He doesn't care if his daughter has diet coke for breakfast but if my son asks for am oreo, he says no. Today as soon as my son went to bed for his nap, he took SD 11 for icecream. I mean as soon as my sons door was closed. I get anxiety pretty badly when I know she's coming over. Almost to the point of making me sick. We're supposed to do eow but we live close and they don't follow the parenting plan so it's a surprise to me sometimes. I care about SD but it just gets weird and hostile at my house when she's here and I don't know what to do anymore.
No wonder you get an anxiety
No wonder you get an anxiety attack before she comes over!! Is your husband nuts?YOur position in that house is completely wiped off thanks to him as soon SD arrives.Who wouldn't be anxious??And he treats you and tells you off like a child and treats his girl like his wife - she is allowed what she wants and clings on him like a mini-wife and he thinks that is ok??????This man needs to learn he can't have it all- a child who he treats better than his wife and a wife.You will need to put both feet down and make sure he understands that this is unacceptable since you are not their doormat or second choice !Bloody hell, all those Disney guilty incapable dads really suck, I am sorry you have to go through that, mate.
We are all in this together.....
DH actually will purchase
DH actually will purchase groceries like milk things for breakfast and dinner. I know that at least we will have food but, when they are gone it is back to pop corn and beer for dinner. The skids won't speak to anyone else in the house except for "MY DAD" where is "MY DAD" have you seen MY DAD" My DH and I separated for 9 months then I let him back in very big mistake I am right back where I was before.... This past weekend I just went to my parents I knew I had no tolerance for it.. I haven't been participating in the beer because I really don't have anything to celebrate DH will drink till he passes and snores loudly then in the am he wants to be intimate... Hmm no thanks.
Are you married to my H?
Are you married to my H?
Except his liquid of choice is wine...
Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch it to be sure.
Ignorance is curable. Stupidity is not.
he'd be finding himself
he'd be finding himself single and alone in a hurry if that was me and mine he was doing that crap to.
"I don't hold grudges. I remember facts."
The way you worded this- is
The way you worded this- is your son not your SO's? If so, I would never let him treat my kid that way-not happening. I'd cut his balls off with a rusty knife.
No he is not his bio. He's
No he is not his bio. He's been in my sons life since he was 6 months old.
That would REALLY piss me
That would REALLY piss me off. He can make out with his daughter all he wants but I'd tell him to keep his mouth off my kid if he enjoys ownership of his penis. And not taking him for ice cream is just mean.
Wow, he's picking on a 2yr
Wow, he's picking on a 2yr old to try to impress an 11 yr old it seems. Head on table during meal, refusal to eat (and joining her), doesn't shower, wants junk for breakfast, get's special treats and it's all okay with him because he's trying to show her that they are a Team. What he's doing is ganging up in some errant effort to make her feel comfortable -somewhat of a twist to guilt parenting.
I would call him out on that immediately. Children develop their personalities during ages 2-5 yrs old so what happens to them during those years is critical as it paints a permanent picture in who they will be for life. If he's being treated roughly for long enough, it's going to have an impact.
If I were in your shoes, I'd tell him if he wants to Princessify his daughter, fine; when she's a hellcat in few years, that'll be HIS issue. But that he'll not do it at the expense of your son's well-being by being a bully to him.
My happiness is my responsibility. Your kid is your responsibility.
I agree with you. My DH did
I agree with you. My DH did this with SD15 this Summer, although he wasn't what I would call downright mean or relentless about it, he did pick on my Niece in a relational way for SD15. I do think it has something to do with the parent trying to make the bio feel more comfortable, like the bio isn't the odd man out or something and the parent feels they must show their alliance and side with their bio on some way and often times they do this by targetting the other children.
I'm sorry, I know this is a
I'm sorry, I know this is a very difficult situation to deal with and extremely stressful at best. I wish I knew why this happens myself but I don't.
When my SD15 is here with DH and I (we have no children together and I have no bios of my own yet) our household changes as well and often feels hostile. DH is not affectionate to me like he is when she is not here, we don't talk as much, we don't cuddle like we normally do, he seems too uncomfortable and tends to pull away. I also feel uneasy and truthfully, sometimes I don't even want to be here when she is here. Dinner time is always the hardest and most stressful for me. SD15 always complains about my food and refuses to eat most things (she is used to frozen meals & fast food at BM's) and says she doesn't like my "traditional meals" which she says quite catty.
This Summer my Sister(12) and Niece(5) spent a few months with DH and I and spent several weeks here while SD15 was here as well. Needless to say I found myself in a similar situation as you. DH was harsh on my Sister and Niece and it seemed like he began picking on them...it all stopped once SD went home. I spoke to DH about it and found out the following:
He was so overwhelmed by the tension in the home he got frustrated and moody taking it out on what he felt was the source, namely my 5 year old Niece. Why? He knew SD15 felt she was in competition with them....SD15 was jealous of them....SD15 is the baby of the family and has no patience at all with younger children so SD was annoyed at the 5 year old (for typical behavior) and DH responded the way he did almost in a relational way for SD. I felt the same tension and knew SD15 wasn't happy with the other two being here and often found myself taking my Niece to the grocery store and stressing out trying to keep her away from SD and stay constantly occupied with something. It was like walking on egg shells.
Maybe, your DH is also reacting in a relational way for his Daughter? I don't know, but that's kind of what happened in my house this Summer.
Our entire routine/atmosphere
Our entire routine/atmosphere at home would change whenever SD14 came over. I dreaded her visits up to 3 days prior and got tense, anxious and angry when I knew my peace and quiet was going to be non-existent for a week.
I can only sympathize with you here. I have no advice. My situation changed drastically in June when SD decided to live with her mom full-time and not come over anymore. I'd suggest that, but realistically, it likely wouldn't happen for you.
What did work somewhat for me when SD was still coming over - I'd retreat to my room with a glass (ok, a bottle - a very LARGE bottle) of wine and a good book. Or I'd swing by a friend's home after work to visit, or walk the mall or...anything to keep me away from home as long as possible.
Hang in there. I'd love to say it gets better, but I'm a realist.
"Behind every bitch is a woman who got tired of being broken"
"Wine is to women like duct tape is to men - it fixes everything"
Same issue here, but my
Same issue here, but my daughter is 9 and would respond to this treatment with attitude right back. So imagine bf being at HER house all the time, taking her mom away from her, treating her nicely, though, no problem there. His kids show up and he flips a switch. Starts treating my daughter differently/rudely, his girls can do no wrong, and it's like there are two sides all of a sudden. And then his problem with my daughter is how she is rude/disrespectful, etc. which was a direct response to his treatment of her. Then *I* was the bad parent for letting her treat him this way!
Solution: He no longer stays here. Thankfully, no marriage, so it's easy to undo. They get along well now. We have minimal issues.