Absolutely not. I have three carbon copies of the princess you describe. I don't know if you and your DH are prepared for retirement. Did you hear the latest headlines that $1 million may not be enough to retire on? Now that you have your own young ones, you'll also want to be able to give them everything that was afforded to your SD.

We've given thousands for the princesses to go to college. The weddings will be next, and I'm sure they will want the very best. My husband is not prepared for retirement and our children's college funds are woefully understocked.

This is a serious consideration. It's normal protocol for my SD's to want handouts. Well, the middle one (25) would argue that she is too proud to ask for handouts. But she hits up DH's mother for it, and then his mother hits us up for reimbursement, so she's not too proud. But I digress. The pattern of handing the darlings money to appease them HAS TO STOP. I'm sure your SD could care less if you guys have enough to retire and to help your children out. Too bad. You don't need her approval. You do need to get your DH on board. I'd put a pencil to the paper and lay out some figures for him.

As for the loss of her affections, I'm familiar with the rejection oh so well. I wanted to adore DH's children from early on, and I wanted them to care about me. I didn't say "love", but to at least smile. Nope. It hurt. I won't lie, their actions hurt me deeply. They were malicious, spiteful, nasty, manipulative divas with one goal, so cut me out of the picture. Didn't work, so they just made my life hell every chance they had.

They don't get the chances anymore, as I've all but carved those twits out of my life. My only consolation is that they aren't MY biological children. I'd never allow my children to behave as they did. My DH had warnings along the way, but guilt held him back. I was just the one nagging. Nope, I was trying to warn him. Didn't phase him. Now they are just the type of lying, manipulative adults who I'd never have in my life at all unless I was related to them. I've done my time. I'm through hoping they'll grow out of it. I'm through hoping for a better future with them. I'm just done. If someday they are sprinkled with fairy dust and start being nice, that could be a pleasant surprise, but I am not banking on it. I have disengaged, in every aspect.

You ARE the obstacle to your SD's great fortunes. No amount of money will be enough either. Stop trying to win her over. Don't take it personal. This situation is duplicated all over the world and you can read about it on many websites. Just use this experience as a lesson when raising your own children. Do not spoil them, be willing to tell them no and love them with all your heart. My kids are sweet. They care about others. If they mess up, they apologize. They are used to hearing the word "no" much more often than the word "yes". They do not treat others with disrespect and I wouldn't allow it no matter WHO it was. From what I've witnessed, I know EXACTLY the type of person I DO NOT want them to become. I'll do anything to ensure they don't.

I too was thrilled to have SD in my life for years, and I was as good to her as anyone possibly could be. We sacrificed to get her experiences she would not have had if it wasn't for us, music lessons, travel, etc. and the end result is the same as yours. Its almost like the more you do for them, the more they hate you.

I for one put it on BM. She was so I guess threatened and insecure in her parental role that she made it 'unsafe' for SD to love us too. But its SD who has to suffer now, as we are insisting that she have good manners to us or no extras other than child support. So SD is now in a quandary but at least BM is happy, and that's what is 'important'. Could that be the case for you too?

"It's funny how dogs and cats know the inside of folks better than other folks do, isn't it?"
- Eleanor H. Porter (1868 - 1920), 'Pollyanna', 1912

Though I definitely have a similar SD, mines never been spoiled but still is indignant with her belief she's entitled to be.

Step Witch on the other hand...you need to talk to her. She has a nearly identical situation.

Thank you for your comments. sounds like we all have a lot in common! I feel less alone. I am trying hard to become "disengaged" and not worry about the time and effort I spent which now seem lost. i did learn my lessons. my kids have chores, understand that things are earned, and are rewarded for good behavior (tho sometimes not, it is just expected). i guess the silver lining is the whole SD experience makes me a much stronger and fair mother, one is able to say "no" in a firm yet polite way, knowing it will benefit my children in the long run. last week, we were in a toy store and i had to explain to my son that you don't always get what you want and that this was going to be one of those times. He looked, nodded, understood and wandered away to play as long as we were in the store. Another lady came up to me and told me how remarkable I had handled him. There were no tantrums, tears, storming off and he and I both got our points across. That's the silver lining. Of course, we will see how I feel when the wedding for the SD comes up. My husband says that he will only pay for a wedding at our home (umm, we live in a 7000 square foot house on 20 acres so it is not exactly slouching.) Apparently, he "floated" this to his daughter, to which she made a face. He claims he is firm, yet, i told him that i was going to write "Four Seasons, beverly hills' on a piece of paper, put it in an envelope and open it when the time is right. I guess at least I know what to expect . . . .

step aside - sounds like we are living the same life! I think your kids are very lucky to have you

I have a neice whos parents throw money at her to shut her up. and I have a SD who is the same age. she complained for a while about my niece having all this cools stuff. We are not rich people but we are not poor people. We make our kids work for the things they want like my sd wants a nintindo DS in order for her to get is she needs to get straight A's. This is so she will respect the 200 dollar thing rather than ruin it because she actually had to do something challangeing to get it. she hasn't done it yet but I am sure she will this year. Just because you hand them everything they want does not make you a good parent. you have to work for that.

I screwed up. Unfortunately, by the time I figured it out, she was 13. I actually got her a job working for a friend's fancy dress shop. Her only responsibility over the summer (she was 16) was to walk 6 blocks to work in sunny Santa Monica. She threw a tantrum, and made her BM drive from miles away to pick her up and take her to her work 6 blocks away. And I am the mean stepmother because I told them both that was bullshit. Oh well, I screwed up by figuring it out too late and not teaching my husband from the beginning. Now, he is on her teenage bandwagon and says that I am mean . . .umm, for not letter Sd get a brand new $50K sportscar. It's not just me. She does not speak to a single one of her grandparents, her aunts, her uncles, her cousins. The entire family is very close except for this child . . ..